Hello ladies, hope you don't mind me gatecrashing your thread, but I've just read through it all and it's made me feel so much better, your all so nice and posative

I was diagnosed with triple negative BC in June, I am on my 5 of 8 cycles of chemo, these last four being Carpoplatin and paxataxil, there breaking down the paxataxil to every week, i have my last chemo on 6th January and although we shouldn't wish our lives away, I can't wait, after that it will be surgery and radiotherapy, I have three lymph nodes under my arm and two lymphs under breast, but on last scan the two under breast have cleared, I'd like to ask if any of you on paxataxil oy carboplatin have had fuzzy head, I can't explain it but fuzzy slight dizzy head, I'm at day 10, my other cycle I felt so much better by day 10, it's not really bad but just annoying as I can't drive while feeling like this. Again lovely to read all your posts and really hoping your all feeling well, xxx

Hey Davia

Of course not, welcome to our group that no ones want to join haha!  I was diagnosed in August so just had my 3rd course on Tuesday.  Not feeling too bad at the moment, fingers crossed it stays that way.  I have 1 more of EC then i go onto the carbo / paxo and paxo weekly.  Hope there are no major side affects of these.  How you doing on these drugs, just the dizzyness.  

I have in my lymph nodes too so will have to have all of them out, little worried about the opp but one day at a time eh.  I'm also waiting on my brca test, guess they will send a letter confirming yay or nay.

Yeah i could drive for a few days after my second one, felt like i was on drugs all week!

I managed the cold cap on Tuesday, but hair is thinning quite a bit so not sure if I'll carry on .

Hugs

xx

Hi Mich

Hope your feeling OK today after the combo, I have my last combo on Monday then two pax, one a week, looking forward to getting my picc line removed then ill be able to get back to my bells before surgery

The scarf with rose on side sounds great, if I had known I wouldn't have bothered buying a wig, I have wirn mine a handful of times, and being winter it's so easy to pull on a Wooly hat when going out for walks. 

Hope you get an app with your oncholigist, what a disappointment, I haven't got an appointment with my oncologist, don't quite know when I will get dates for scan and surgery, I'm happy with finishing chemo but also apprehensive for the next journey

I find my taste buds are all over the place, some days I have taste, others I don't like salt then I crave salt, I don't seem to have a sweet tooth thank goodness, I have put om some weight mind lol

How many cycles have you got left Mich? Have they told you what surgery your having? I was told full clearance on lymphs in left arm but no mastectomy, I was suprised with that, I really thought they would do mastectomy, but I think it all depends on scans.

Hope you don't feel to bad on this combo, keep well 

Sending hugs xxx

Hi Sue

They say it takes time to get over chemo, let's hope your feeling a lot better soon, I know what you mean about talking rubbish, when I'm on steroids I can't stop talking lol

I think we all "bick" it when we have scans, I think we always will I really hope it goes well for you,

Hugs xxxx

Hey ladies, 

How's things? I was doing OK after my combo no drunk days but it all caught up with me this weekend and now my body is so tired and achy. I did some walking around harbour on Sunday nothing major but felt it this morning, eso as I had to wake up early for my pre assessment. Felt like I had been hit by a freight train! 

Today I felt rather bleugh and chilled on the couch and read. Wasn't also pleasant standing in the scales and seeing my weight go up by a kg every week! I know small things but they add up when u feel low eh. My face seems to round and puffy, esp now I have no hair! 

I have signed up to another meditation class on Thursday eve, just paxo this week so hopefully be OK. 

I'm feeling a bit apprehensive today, I said to my hubby I can't see an end in sight at the mo and can't imagine myself looking 'normal' again. Do you ladies have that? I guess Its normal as we are still going through it but I just can't visualise myself being back to the way I was.

How u doing Sue?  Do u feel any better chemo is finished? Yeah I deff have chemo brain at the best of times, steroids haven't done much to me this week, hmm think it's this week I'll end up being the duracel bunny!

Thinking of you ladies xx

Hi Mich

Bless you, I know how your feeling exactly, I have sat there and cried, well sobbed and said the exact same thing to my husband, will I ever be me again, it's huge what we're going through and as brave as we try to be the chemo runs us down, especially the combo, it's horrid, I had my last combo today thank goodness, but the paxol has decided to give me a rash, ON MY FACE so no eyebrows bum fluff for hair and red blotchy face but if its making us feel and look this bad, just think what it's doing to the cancer I also get really frustrated that I don't have the stamina I used to have, I've noticed if I do to much one day the next day I'm flat out on the couch exhausted, so don't feel guilty about having a compleat slob out, your body is working hard, that's what the nurse told me when I told her how I felt. Were nearly at the end of Chemo, and although that's bloody great in every way, it's also a bit scary as we have to get on a different bus, surgery and scans, I'm feeling very mixed emotions and that confuses me as I have been crossing of the days to be rid of chemo, but as my friend said, if you can do chemo you can do anything keep strong, know its the combo draining you, I will be in the same place as you by Thursday my hubby can time it down to the minute, every combo cycle has followed that pattern, I get my kleenex out, and just let it go, its a release. You will be you again soon, so I'm reliably told by friend who went through this 6 years ago Lots of big virtual hugs ,

Hi ladies,

It seems we all have the same emotions and feelings. I still have days when I have a total meltdown but unlike Davia mine have no pattern.

Mich, none of us look our best right now!! Although I used the cold cap throughout, I sometimes wonder why I bothered!!! I used to have long blond thick hair and now it is short and really fine. I need to cover my head to go out. Also, hardly any eyebrows on top and none on the bottom. I have been steadily gaining weight, only a pound at a time but it all adds up. I really hate looking at myself it the mirror as it isn't me looking back. We need to remind ourselves that it is only temporary, I know it's no consolation but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Davia, as you said mixed emotions at the end of chemo. I am so scared that my lump hasn't shrunk as I can still feel it. still, ultrasound and mamagram on Friday and results the following Friday. I'm not sure what will happen if it hasn't shrunk.

Mich, still not BRCA results I take it?? The waiting is the worst.

Stay strong you lovely Ladies, this time next year we will be on our survivors thread talking about our lovely long hair and how all this is now a distant memory.

Love and strength to you all,

Sue

Hi Sue,

I hope Friday goes well, I have that feeling to, what if chemo isn't working but my oncholigist said all the ladies feel like this coming to the end of the Chemo, let us know how it goes and sending good posative vibes your way x

Niknik How did your appointment go, was thinking of you, with my thee boys, there older than you two little ones, I waited until I got the full facts and sat them down and told them, but yours being so small maybe  wouldn't understand, so if it were me I'd keep it very simple, I'm sending big virtual hugs x

Hi Claire

Last EC that must feel great, I to had a very bad time on EC it wiped me out everytime so I feel for you 

I think we're all feeling more emotional coming to the end of chemo, it could be the accumulative effect of all the chemo. Good luck for your opp on the 7th what are you having? I'm due a pet scan after my chemo is finished, can't say I'm looking forward to it, I hate ant scan now, go into anxiety mode, but I'm hearing that you all feel the same. 

Oh bit of posative, I went shopping yesterday, got hot so took my hat off and walked around with just my bum fluff hair, I have a light covarage on head, it's white all over lol I started going gray age 26 but the lady on make up counter said its the in colour, get me lol, shame about the style I said, she laughed but also said it looked nice, she was being kind, I felt a bit naked to begin with but after a while It just felt natural. Hat went back on when I got outside, my head was cold lol

Oh don't talk about weight, I have put so much on and what with the steroids retaining fluid my face looks bloated and red with the paxa side effect rash, I have been told not to diet until treatment is over, I'd find it hard as my appetite is crazy :p 

Well lots of posative vibes to you and sending big hugs, keep strong ladies xxx

Hi Ladies,

Davia, well done for taking your hat off in public, I wish I had the confidence to do that!! I found EC easier than Taxol, it's probably the dose but it's all so unpredictable.

NikNik, have you had your results yet? let us know and we will do our best to support you whatever the outcome.

Caire, great to hear from you. Are you back in the UK. Wonderful news about the tumor. Mine still feels the same size which is a worry but Friday is D-day.

Mich, how are you feeling now? I'm glad to report that my chemo brain seems better. No silly mistakes or talking total rubbish (i hope)

Love to you all,

Sue

Hey Ladies,

Ah thank you for your wisewords Sue & Davia ;)  It does make sense and so frustrating when we get these lows and nothing we can do about it. I'm always trying to be up beat and have things to focus on, even my sisters say i'm the most level headed one of the family (err worrying as i'm also a div, with a chemo brain now) but at the moment i dont feel level headed at all lol!  Weird how when my body suffers my mind does too, it all happens wham bam the same day when its all grey outside!

Chemo went ok today, well except for me passing out!  The nurse had barely finished the pre-meds and i was a gonna! A few of them mentioned "had a nice sleep" as i was looking around and noticed the only one left in the unit.  Hmm hope i wasn't a mouth breather.  At least next week is at 9am, i prefer the morning ones as the afternoon really throughs you out and dont like being the last patient there lol!  I woke up feeling normal this morning an no pain, so as you said Davia I'll be prepared for the weekend, although only Taxol so should be too bad.

Lovely to hear from you Claire, ah dont worry as long as you are doing ok.  Yeah EC is tough on the body, my 4th one took my ages to recover.  Great news though on your tumour, whoop whoop.  I must chase my next appointment, as i'm a *** and went to the wrong hospital.  I'll ask again at my pre-assessment on Monday.

Ah thanks for the advice on meditation video, I'll take a look.  I'm going to the glass bath meditation tonight, on me own as my friends cant make it.  Oh well at least I'll get to chill, not sure i'll fall asleep with the steriods bounching around but sure it will do me good. 

When do you fly over?  that's good you have a date for your surgery.  I didn't work out my treatment dates very well as forgot i have another two taxol after the combo, doh.  So will take me to the end of feb. Although dont have all the dates yet, they only give me out a few at a time in case they change. Ha, ha cheeky docotor, i can just imagine him saying that. 

I did go out without a hat or scarf on sunday!  never though i could, but i was so hot and botherered I couldn't be 'bothered' what i looked like lol!  It was only a wetherspoons, a rather busy one but hey like you said we are going through so much at the moment we need to do what feels right. 

Hows everyone feeling today?

xx

Hi Mich, glad your feeling better today, and well done for being brave and going out without wig or scarf, it feels weird at first doesn't it, but I was like you, hot bothered and just pulled my hat off lol

I am feeling gross today, like you say, it doesn't just effect your body, I get so low on these days after the combo, my mind goes into overdrive its horrid, just got in from having a short walk, nothing to strenuous but blows cobs off lol 

I have two more paxo after this, and got letter yesterday with rough date for surgery, 21st Feb. I finish chemo on 27th Jan so will have a little break beforehand, but scared as never had an opp before I am having full clearence of lymphs, I should see surgeon before hopefully but not got an app for that yet. X

Claire I listened to the meditation videos last night they were good, thanks for the tip, hope your feeling better x

Well I'm hoping my calm brain will be back soon, lol 

Sending you all virtual hugs, keep well ladies xxx

Hi Mich,

I am so impressed that both you and Davia have been out without covering your heads. I wish I was brave enough. I still can't stand seeing myself in the mirror.

I also preferred the early chemo appointments although I never seemed to get home till evening.

I have an ultrasound and mamagrem tomorrow, I'm not looking forward to it as I'm terrified the tumor hasn't shrunk. Oh well, it's out of my hands so I'll handle whatever comes my way.

I'm glad you woke up this morning with no pain, long may it continue

Lots of love as always,

Sue xx

Hi Mich,

I am so impressed that both you and Davia have been out without covering your heads. I wish I was brave enough. I still can't stand seeing myself in the mirror.

I also preferred the early chemo appointments although I never seemed to get home till evening.

I have an ultrasound and mamagrem tomorrow, I'm not looking forward to it as I'm terrified the tumor hasn't shrunk. Oh well, it's out of my hands so I'll handle whatever comes my way.

I'm glad you woke up this morning with no pain, long may it continue

Lots of love as always,

Sue xx