Hello ladies, hope you don't mind me gatecrashing your thread, but I've just read through it all and it's made me feel so much better, your all so nice and posative

I was diagnosed with triple negative BC in June, I am on my 5 of 8 cycles of chemo, these last four being Carpoplatin and paxataxil, there breaking down the paxataxil to every week, i have my last chemo on 6th January and although we shouldn't wish our lives away, I can't wait, after that it will be surgery and radiotherapy, I have three lymph nodes under my arm and two lymphs under breast, but on last scan the two under breast have cleared, I'd like to ask if any of you on paxataxil oy carboplatin have had fuzzy head, I can't explain it but fuzzy slight dizzy head, I'm at day 10, my other cycle I felt so much better by day 10, it's not really bad but just annoying as I can't drive while feeling like this. Again lovely to read all your posts and really hoping your all feeling well, xxx

Hey Davia

Of course not, welcome to our group that no ones want to join haha!  I was diagnosed in August so just had my 3rd course on Tuesday.  Not feeling too bad at the moment, fingers crossed it stays that way.  I have 1 more of EC then i go onto the carbo / paxo and paxo weekly.  Hope there are no major side affects of these.  How you doing on these drugs, just the dizzyness.  

I have in my lymph nodes too so will have to have all of them out, little worried about the opp but one day at a time eh.  I'm also waiting on my brca test, guess they will send a letter confirming yay or nay.

Yeah i could drive for a few days after my second one, felt like i was on drugs all week!

I managed the cold cap on Tuesday, but hair is thinning quite a bit so not sure if I'll carry on .

Hugs

xx

Hi Mich,

I'm glad you're doing better with chemo. I had my last one on 27th but still feel very week and still have chemo brain. The funny thing is I can hear myself talking rubbish but can't stop it!! My husband says 'no change there' lol.

I have a mamogram and ultrasound on 17th and get the results on 24th, I can't pretend I not bricking it!!!

Davia I also get very emotional some days, it comes from nowhere.

Linda, I didn't have a picc line either. it was never really mentioned until the chemo nurses complained saying I should have had one!!

Take care ladies, love to you all

Sue xx

Hi Mich

Hope your feeling OK today after the combo, I have my last combo on Monday then two pax, one a week, looking forward to getting my picc line removed then ill be able to get back to my bells before surgery

The scarf with rose on side sounds great, if I had known I wouldn't have bothered buying a wig, I have wirn mine a handful of times, and being winter it's so easy to pull on a Wooly hat when going out for walks. 

Hope you get an app with your oncholigist, what a disappointment, I haven't got an appointment with my oncologist, don't quite know when I will get dates for scan and surgery, I'm happy with finishing chemo but also apprehensive for the next journey

I find my taste buds are all over the place, some days I have taste, others I don't like salt then I crave salt, I don't seem to have a sweet tooth thank goodness, I have put om some weight mind lol

How many cycles have you got left Mich? Have they told you what surgery your having? I was told full clearance on lymphs in left arm but no mastectomy, I was suprised with that, I really thought they would do mastectomy, but I think it all depends on scans.

Hope you don't feel to bad on this combo, keep well 

Sending hugs xxx

Hi Sue

They say it takes time to get over chemo, let's hope your feeling a lot better soon, I know what you mean about talking rubbish, when I'm on steroids I can't stop talking lol

I think we all "bick" it when we have scans, I think we always will I really hope it goes well for you,

Hugs xxxx

Hey ladies, 

How's things? I was doing OK after my combo no drunk days but it all caught up with me this weekend and now my body is so tired and achy. I did some walking around harbour on Sunday nothing major but felt it this morning, eso as I had to wake up early for my pre assessment. Felt like I had been hit by a freight train! 

Today I felt rather bleugh and chilled on the couch and read. Wasn't also pleasant standing in the scales and seeing my weight go up by a kg every week! I know small things but they add up when u feel low eh. My face seems to round and puffy, esp now I have no hair! 

I have signed up to another meditation class on Thursday eve, just paxo this week so hopefully be OK. 

I'm feeling a bit apprehensive today, I said to my hubby I can't see an end in sight at the mo and can't imagine myself looking 'normal' again. Do you ladies have that? I guess Its normal as we are still going through it but I just can't visualise myself being back to the way I was.

How u doing Sue?  Do u feel any better chemo is finished? Yeah I deff have chemo brain at the best of times, steroids haven't done much to me this week, hmm think it's this week I'll end up being the duracel bunny!

Thinking of you ladies xx

Hi Mich

Bless you, I know how your feeling exactly, I have sat there and cried, well sobbed and said the exact same thing to my husband, will I ever be me again, it's huge what we're going through and as brave as we try to be the chemo runs us down, especially the combo, it's horrid, I had my last combo today thank goodness, but the paxol has decided to give me a rash, ON MY FACE so no eyebrows bum fluff for hair and red blotchy face but if its making us feel and look this bad, just think what it's doing to the cancer I also get really frustrated that I don't have the stamina I used to have, I've noticed if I do to much one day the next day I'm flat out on the couch exhausted, so don't feel guilty about having a compleat slob out, your body is working hard, that's what the nurse told me when I told her how I felt. Were nearly at the end of Chemo, and although that's bloody great in every way, it's also a bit scary as we have to get on a different bus, surgery and scans, I'm feeling very mixed emotions and that confuses me as I have been crossing of the days to be rid of chemo, but as my friend said, if you can do chemo you can do anything keep strong, know its the combo draining you, I will be in the same place as you by Thursday my hubby can time it down to the minute, every combo cycle has followed that pattern, I get my kleenex out, and just let it go, its a release. You will be you again soon, so I'm reliably told by friend who went through this 6 years ago Lots of big virtual hugs ,

Hi ladies,

It seems we all have the same emotions and feelings. I still have days when I have a total meltdown but unlike Davia mine have no pattern.

Mich, none of us look our best right now!! Although I used the cold cap throughout, I sometimes wonder why I bothered!!! I used to have long blond thick hair and now it is short and really fine. I need to cover my head to go out. Also, hardly any eyebrows on top and none on the bottom. I have been steadily gaining weight, only a pound at a time but it all adds up. I really hate looking at myself it the mirror as it isn't me looking back. We need to remind ourselves that it is only temporary, I know it's no consolation but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Davia, as you said mixed emotions at the end of chemo. I am so scared that my lump hasn't shrunk as I can still feel it. still, ultrasound and mamagram on Friday and results the following Friday. I'm not sure what will happen if it hasn't shrunk.

Mich, still not BRCA results I take it?? The waiting is the worst.

Stay strong you lovely Ladies, this time next year we will be on our survivors thread talking about our lovely long hair and how all this is now a distant memory.

Love and strength to you all,

Sue

Hi Sue,

I hope Friday goes well, I have that feeling to, what if chemo isn't working but my oncholigist said all the ladies feel like this coming to the end of the Chemo, let us know how it goes and sending good posative vibes your way x

Niknik How did your appointment go, was thinking of you, with my thee boys, there older than you two little ones, I waited until I got the full facts and sat them down and told them, but yours being so small maybe  wouldn't understand, so if it were me I'd keep it very simple, I'm sending big virtual hugs x

Hi Claire

Last EC that must feel great, I to had a very bad time on EC it wiped me out everytime so I feel for you 

I think we're all feeling more emotional coming to the end of chemo, it could be the accumulative effect of all the chemo. Good luck for your opp on the 7th what are you having? I'm due a pet scan after my chemo is finished, can't say I'm looking forward to it, I hate ant scan now, go into anxiety mode, but I'm hearing that you all feel the same. 

Oh bit of posative, I went shopping yesterday, got hot so took my hat off and walked around with just my bum fluff hair, I have a light covarage on head, it's white all over lol I started going gray age 26 but the lady on make up counter said its the in colour, get me lol, shame about the style I said, she laughed but also said it looked nice, she was being kind, I felt a bit naked to begin with but after a while It just felt natural. Hat went back on when I got outside, my head was cold lol

Oh don't talk about weight, I have put so much on and what with the steroids retaining fluid my face looks bloated and red with the paxa side effect rash, I have been told not to diet until treatment is over, I'd find it hard as my appetite is crazy :p 

Well lots of posative vibes to you and sending big hugs, keep strong ladies xxx

Hi Ladies,

Davia, well done for taking your hat off in public, I wish I had the confidence to do that!! I found EC easier than Taxol, it's probably the dose but it's all so unpredictable.

NikNik, have you had your results yet? let us know and we will do our best to support you whatever the outcome.

Caire, great to hear from you. Are you back in the UK. Wonderful news about the tumor. Mine still feels the same size which is a worry but Friday is D-day.

Mich, how are you feeling now? I'm glad to report that my chemo brain seems better. No silly mistakes or talking total rubbish (i hope)

Love to you all,

Sue

Hey Ladies,

Ah thank you for your wisewords Sue & Davia ;)  It does make sense and so frustrating when we get these lows and nothing we can do about it. I'm always trying to be up beat and have things to focus on, even my sisters say i'm the most level headed one of the family (err worrying as i'm also a div, with a chemo brain now) but at the moment i dont feel level headed at all lol!  Weird how when my body suffers my mind does too, it all happens wham bam the same day when its all grey outside!

Chemo went ok today, well except for me passing out!  The nurse had barely finished the pre-meds and i was a gonna! A few of them mentioned "had a nice sleep" as i was looking around and noticed the only one left in the unit.  Hmm hope i wasn't a mouth breather.  At least next week is at 9am, i prefer the morning ones as the afternoon really throughs you out and dont like being the last patient there lol!  I woke up feeling normal this morning an no pain, so as you said Davia I'll be prepared for the weekend, although only Taxol so should be too bad.

Lovely to hear from you Claire, ah dont worry as long as you are doing ok.  Yeah EC is tough on the body, my 4th one took my ages to recover.  Great news though on your tumour, whoop whoop.  I must chase my next appointment, as i'm a *** and went to the wrong hospital.  I'll ask again at my pre-assessment on Monday.

Ah thanks for the advice on meditation video, I'll take a look.  I'm going to the glass bath meditation tonight, on me own as my friends cant make it.  Oh well at least I'll get to chill, not sure i'll fall asleep with the steriods bounching around but sure it will do me good. 

When do you fly over?  that's good you have a date for your surgery.  I didn't work out my treatment dates very well as forgot i have another two taxol after the combo, doh.  So will take me to the end of feb. Although dont have all the dates yet, they only give me out a few at a time in case they change. Ha, ha cheeky docotor, i can just imagine him saying that. 

I did go out without a hat or scarf on sunday!  never though i could, but i was so hot and botherered I couldn't be 'bothered' what i looked like lol!  It was only a wetherspoons, a rather busy one but hey like you said we are going through so much at the moment we need to do what feels right. 

Hows everyone feeling today?

xx

Hi Mich, glad your feeling better today, and well done for being brave and going out without wig or scarf, it feels weird at first doesn't it, but I was like you, hot bothered and just pulled my hat off lol

I am feeling gross today, like you say, it doesn't just effect your body, I get so low on these days after the combo, my mind goes into overdrive its horrid, just got in from having a short walk, nothing to strenuous but blows cobs off lol 

I have two more paxo after this, and got letter yesterday with rough date for surgery, 21st Feb. I finish chemo on 27th Jan so will have a little break beforehand, but scared as never had an opp before I am having full clearence of lymphs, I should see surgeon before hopefully but not got an app for that yet. X

Claire I listened to the meditation videos last night they were good, thanks for the tip, hope your feeling better x

Well I'm hoping my calm brain will be back soon, lol 

Sending you all virtual hugs, keep well ladies xxx

Hi Mich, glad your feeling better today, and well done for being brave and going out without wig or scarf, it feels weird at first doesn't it, but I was like you, hot bothered and just pulled my hat off lol

I am feeling gross today, like you say, it doesn't just effect your body, I get so low on these days after the combo, my mind goes into overdrive its horrid, just got in from having a short walk, nothing to strenuous but blows cobs off lol 

I have two more paxo after this, and got letter yesterday with rough date for surgery, 21st Feb. I finish chemo on 27th Jan so will have a little break beforehand, but scared as never had an opp before I am having full clearence of lymphs, I should see surgeon before hopefully but not got an app for that yet. X

Claire I listened to the meditation videos last night they were good, thanks for the tip, hope your feeling better x

Well I'm hoping my calm brain will be back soon, lol 

Sending you all virtual hugs, keep well ladies xxx

Hey ladies,

Sorry to hear you feeling rough Davia, good you went out for a walk.  I haven't been walking much either with this yuckie weather.  Was going to head out today but now i have cystitis so rather painful.  I did manage to go to a meditation session tonight which i really enjoyed.  It was the sound bath meditation.  Now to listen to the videos.  the steroids are making me buss though! Glad to hear you have prov date for your opp.

Funny you should say that Sue, i freak myself out every time i wake up and look in the mirror!  I look like my dad! He passed away 10 years ago, but having no hair or eybrows makes me realise how much i resemble him! I've always been self conscious, being taller than the average woman at 5"10 i've always just wanted to blend in.  But now i've actually got the courage not to give a damn.  Well this week at least, ask me again next week lol! 

Before i forget, good luck for tomorrow, thinking of you :)

Well done Linda in your walks, i do enjoy mine,  Hopefully cysitis will all be gone tomorrow and I'll take doggies for a walk. I wore my wig for a couple of hours today to show my friend and in the end i was like wanna see my bald head instead!  I had red marks all over my head and forehead lol!  Hmm might have to see if i can adjust the straps!  So yeah I'll be wearing a lot more scarves.

Ah all the best for work next week.  Is this the first time back after treatment or have you been working.  Sorry cant remember.

Hugs xx

I've been back one day on nye, i'm only working 4 hour shifts mon - thurs as its chemo day friday, I want to try and work on my good week and that way my full pay sickness will stretch that little bit further as i'll be on half pay end Feb. Cancer really is the pits isnt it, not noly doesit hit us health / emotional wise but also hits us financially.

I deffo prefer being bald around the house I just have to remember to put a cap on if the door goes lol.

Lx

Good for you Linda I thought I would work but the chemo brain took over. I struggled on EC but don't seem too bad in the weekly. I hope to do a few hours a week too after chemo and waiting for opp. Work have been great and very flexible so fortunate. 

Ha ha funny you should say that, the day after I shaved my head the builder from next door, rang the door bell. I had just got dressed wearing leggings and vest top, no hair, no eyebrows, no make up and answered the door! Must of got the shock of his life as he had seen me around looking 'normal' ha ha! Well I did when caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror! 

The sun is out today so now after the doctor I'm having hot chocolate at the harbour testing driving my bolero hat. 

Hope you having a good one xx

Happy Friday ladies! Thinking of you Sue

Hi Ladies,

Thanks Mich. I had my ultrasound and mamagram this morning and the tumor has hardly shrunk, not even by a centimeter. I feel totally gutted as I might need a masectomy instead of a lumpectomy.

I actually opened the door to the postman without any head covering. He didn't seem to notice, just passed me the post and went. 

I hope everyone is doing well. Have a great weekend Ladies

love Sue xxx

Oh Sue that's rubbish, I'm sorry. Did you have carboplatin as part of your chemo?

Claire x

Hey Sue, 

Ah sorry to hear it's not the result you wanted boo. Think it will be like mine still there after the treatment so mascetomy on the cards. Although personally I'm feeling I would prefer mascetomy as I feel it would reduce the risk of more lumps, I know it can't totally but just how I feel about it now. 

Try not to worry too much about it, this is just the first stage of our treatment run, as you lovely ladies have reminded me, one step at a time

Ha ha well done in opening to the postman. Ours has mostly seen me in my dressing gown, esp over Xmas! 

Do you have anything fun planned for the weekend? 

Xx

Hi ladies,

Claire, I only had EC And Taxol. I don't know if that makes any difference to the tumor not shrinking. How far along your treatment plan are you?

Mich, haha it took me a lot of courage to open the door head naked. I think we all have our wobbles and this one setback won't win.

I'm off to Sudbury in Suffolk today to see my best friend, we've been friends since we were 4 years old. It takes about 1 1/4 hours to get there from where I am in Essex. 

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend

Love to you all,

Sue xx

Hi Sue, really sorry to hear the tumor hasn't shrunk, but they will do what's best for you x have aovely day visiting your best friend, hope the sun is shining there like it is here xx

I went in for my line flush and bloods yesterday only for them to ring to say the lab has lost my sample so I have to go in at 9am Monday and wait for results before they make up the chemo,  think we'll be in the cafe lol 

I'm going to venture out today, I ended up in bed yesterday feeling fatigued, all I did was walk half a mile from unit to car park and I was pooped, but I keep saying, last one of combo woop. I have noticed my hair is shedding, I don't know if it's natural she'd or its started coming out again, I keep eye on it.

Hope you ladies enjoy the weekend and some lovely sunshine, keep well xxxx

Hi Sue, the reason I ask is I've seen some info online saying that there are a studies showing that carboplatin is very successful in treating tnbc. Alongside all the other types of chemo.

I've finished the chemo, my scans show the tumour has gone which is amazing although of course they'll still need to test tissue taken during surgery to see if any microscopic bits are lingering.

At least you know surgery will get rid of it, I'm due a lumpectomy but part of me still feels a mastectomy would be "safer".

x

Hi ladies,

Caire, I will ask the Oncologist about Carboplatin. It was never suggested and that may well be why the tumor hasn't shrunk by much. Any idea when your surgery will be?

Davia, good luck with your chemo tomorrow, I hope it goes smoothly. I hope your hair shedding isn't too drastic, it really is an unwanted side effect.

Enjoy the rest of the weekend Ladies,

Love to you all,

Sue xx