A very warm welcome to the forum Kaytee1987 although I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. 

It must have been incredibly upsetting and heart-breaking to receive this news and I can only begin to imagine what you, your dad and the rest of your family must be going through right now, especially after the loss of your grandfather just a few months ago, but I hope you can take some strength, and comfort, from knowing that our community are here for you and I'm sure some of our members will stop by soon to offer their support and advice.

I hope this section we have about dying with cancer, including information on how to cope with this news, will provide you with a starting point but if you would like to talk any of this through with someone then do give our cancer nurses a call. They're available on 0808 800 4040, Monday - Friday between 9a.m - 5p.m and they will do all they can to support you and answer any other questions you may have at this time.

I know there isn't anything I can say that can make this situation any better, but I am thinking of you Kaytee and sending you and your family all my support at this very difficult time.

Kind regards,

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Just want to send you a massive hug. My wonderful dad, my best friend died from liver cancer in April at age 59, I’m 34. I get it, this part is so hard I know, the realisation of what’s happening and what’s to come. Just wanted you to know you’re not alone x

Hi Kaytee,

just wanted to reach out and say I feel you, no advise as I am literally going through very similar, I am similar age to you, my mum is similar age to your dad, she has bone problems and mobility problems and has recently moved to a bungalow which was going to make her life so much easier. A month after moving a shoulder X-ray picked up something on her lung and it has taken 2 months to get the final diagnosis of an inoperable lung tumor. 
it’s been a tough and exhausting journey already from the outside and like you, my mum, my rock is also having to get her head round it, and is struggling physically already with it.I feel lost and broken, but having to keep going for my son and daughter. I don’t know how I’m going to break it to my toddler when the time comes , she loves her nanny so so much. 

sorry for the ramble, just wanted to let you know you’re not alone and I empathise with you 

xx

I’m so sorry you’re going through this - it feels so overwhelming - it happened to me at the same age when my mum was diagnosed with stomach cancer. The same thing - after the operation the consultant spoke to me and said there was nothing that could be done - in a matter of fact way because he dealt with this situation all the time - but for me it was my mum and it felt like the whole world caved in and I could hardly breathe.

i went to all the subsequent appointments with my mum, she decided not to have chemo but palliative care- that was a personal very tough decision for her - and one which - given the changes in chemo now and how there is so much more help that can be given with symptom and pain relief I would have hoped she would make a different choice.

No one can tread your path - but know that taking each day as it comes, enjoying the love and happy and sad moments as they happen, making the most of each minute, whilst respecting the wishes of your dad and having all the helpline/triage/emergency numbers and medication to hand really can help. Finding a reassuring district nurse/ MacMillan/MarieCurie/palliative care nurse can really help - and the nurses by telephone at the hospital too. Please don’t feel alone in this - there are people who can help you cope if you reach out to them.

My mum found massage and reiki very calming - and it allowed her time without having to talk about “ C” where she could just relax and enjoy the moment and cry if she wanted to without having to explain how she was feeling.

Hoping the love of your family pulls you all together and helps support you through this. Here if you need to offload.

Jackie

Thanks so much for this. It’s really helpful. Lots of useful info there. But can I ask how you carries on without her? How you made life worth living again? I can’t see how that is possible right now. 

Thank you so much. Do you really think this is the hardest bit? I really hope so 

I think for me it was a bit different as I had to carry on because I had my daughter 3 weeks before my mum passed - so she needed me and although it was the most incredibly difficult time of my life at least my mum got to hold my baby.

I’m not going to lie - I felt a huge weight of sadness and a hole in my life - when anything happened with my daughter when I was on mat leave I automatically went to ring her - then realised and was upset - so I started to ring my nana or my auntie or my brother ( we’d moved 100 miles away from my family because of work) and so eventually I learnt ways of coping but it wasn’t easy - and I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this - but you’re not alone we’re here if you need us x

I think so because it just was so many feelings to process at once… the shock that this was the ending, the pain, the dread of how and and when, the absolute knife in the chest feeling. I’m 6 months down the line now, i still have a cry every day but I also can remember lots more of our good times now. To be honest lovely we never stopped having good moments, even at the end, we still shared a joke and a funny story even in the last days and that was my Dad all over. He always put me first … god I miss him. But I don’t miss seeing him deteriorate and now I feel more rational and less destructive in my grief then I did when he was waiting to pass and just after. I’m here if you ever want to talk, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through I really am. I also made a long list of all the positive things over my lifetime with him which help when I feel like I can only think about the cancer. I’ve so many things I can go back and read, moments from childhood all through to adulthood of big and small moments together which defined us, not the cancer. It’s helped on the days that I can’t seem to think of anything else but negative things xxx