Hi

i know exactly how you feel , my dad died in august this year., it's so hard isn't it .  My dad had renal and heart failure and his dialysis was withdrawn very abruptly and not in the best way. 
I'm finding it tough too. 
just trying to buy a Xmas card for my mum is so hard , when I see all the mum and dad cards. And trying to buy presents and food , it's all so triggering and I need to run out if the shop ‍♀️
Meaning it's Xmas eve tomorrow and I've hardly bought anything and still have Xmas food to buy !! So today I'm going to try again and get a few bits. 

im also a specialist palliative care nurse so dealing with some very sad families at the moment . From my personal and work experiences I'd say it's so important to remind ourselves that it is totally normal to feel like this , it's early days and it's going to be hard. Recognise that and just go with it.  Try and do things that make you feel good , walking outside listening to a podcast has really helped me. I walk somewhere quiet in the fields and cry and listen to a podcast . There's some great ones about grief or some really funny ones if that helps. 
I went through a period where my diet consisted of peroni and toast so try and eat well if you can. I felt so much worse not eating properly. 
Don't make yourself celebrate and put the tree up just to please everyone else. Do what you need to so you can get through Xmas and remember it's only a few days.  We are just trying to do different things this year , I'm working Xmas eve then travelling down to my daughters Xmas day 2 hrs away which we wouldn't normally do. But my plan b was to go to the beach and have a cold walk . 
I just had to keep telling myself it's ok to feel like this and this first Xmas will be hard. It's sort of helping me to reinforce this in my head. I'm lighting a candle for my dad everyday and hopes he sees it . 
take care and look after yourself , I'll be thinking of you xxxx

Hi

i know exactly how you feel , my dad died in august this year., it's so hard isn't it .  My dad had renal and heart failure and his dialysis was withdrawn very abruptly and not in the best way. 
I'm finding it tough too. 
just trying to buy a Xmas card for my mum is so hard , when I see all the mum and dad cards. And trying to buy presents and food , it's all so triggering and I need to run out if the shop ‍♀️
Meaning it's Xmas eve tomorrow and I've hardly bought anything and still have Xmas food to buy !! So today I'm going to try again and get a few bits. 

im also a specialist palliative care nurse so dealing with some very sad families at the moment . From my personal and work experiences I'd say it's so important to remind ourselves that it is totally normal to feel like this , it's early days and it's going to be hard. Recognise that and just go with it.  Try and do things that make you feel good , walking outside listening to a podcast has really helped me. I walk somewhere quiet in the fields and cry and listen to a podcast . There's some great ones about grief or some really funny ones if that helps. 
I went through a period where my diet consisted of peroni and toast so try and eat well if you can. I felt so much worse not eating properly. 
Don't make yourself celebrate and put the tree up just to please everyone else. Do what you need to so you can get through Xmas and remember it's only a few days.  We are just trying to do different things this year , I'm working Xmas eve then travelling down to my daughters Xmas day 2 hrs away which we wouldn't normally do. But my plan b was to go to the beach and have a cold walk . 
I just had to keep telling myself it's ok to feel like this and this first Xmas will be hard. It's sort of helping me to reinforce this in my head. I'm lighting a candle for my dad everyday and hopes he sees it . 
take care and look after yourself , I'll be thinking of you xxxx