Hey [@adam1986]‍ 

What an awful decision to have to make, but on top of that covid has added another layer of pain on everything you're experiencing. I'm really sorry. 

I think it's a hugely personal decision, and I think everyone would suggest different things. I know you probably already have, but have you spoken to your mum and sisters about everything, and more importantly how you are feeling? I don't know if this is remotely any help, but when my mum was in hosputal after her diagnosis, I took an iPad into the hospital as visiting wasnt allowed, and even when she was sleepy, I ask the nurse to answer my call, and I would just talk to her. 

I'm so sorry you're having to even have to make this decision, but you will come to the right one for you and either way, your dad will feel the love from you. I can tell that from your message here. 

Sending you lots of love for the future xxx

Hey [@adam1986]‍ 

What an awful decision to have to make, but on top of that covid has added another layer of pain on everything you're experiencing. I'm really sorry. 

I think it's a hugely personal decision, and I think everyone would suggest different things. I know you probably already have, but have you spoken to your mum and sisters about everything, and more importantly how you are feeling? I don't know if this is remotely any help, but when my mum was in hosputal after her diagnosis, I took an iPad into the hospital as visiting wasnt allowed, and even when she was sleepy, I ask the nurse to answer my call, and I would just talk to her. 

I'm so sorry you're having to even have to make this decision, but you will come to the right one for you and either way, your dad will feel the love from you. I can tell that from your message here. 

Sending you lots of love for the future xxx

Thank you for your kind message. I had a call with sisters and mum and explained im doing everything to make it happen but also explained might not be able to. Sister thinks i should come back as last time to see dad then try best to go Australia after, but mum more understanding and said she understands if i stay. I just feel extremely guilty either way and feel like i will be resented for being all way out here when dads going through this. Im having difficulty sleeping, eating and focusing on anything as the thought of my dad dying without me saying goodbye properly is eating away at me. Feels like real life nightmare 

I know it's easier said than done (far far easier..) but I think you should genuinely follow your mum's lead on what she says to you, and although I do not know you, or your family I would be really, genuinely shocked if any of your family for a second resented you. I think if anything, they have so much sympathy for the fact you're in an unbelievably difficult position. 

I think sibling relationships are more difficult to navigate at times like this even if you're close. My brother and I during my mum's diagnosis disagreed on quite a lot of things, but in the end, it's grief talking. So if you're sister tells you that you need to come back, it's probably through absolute heartbreak of your dad's diagnosis, and not because she thinks you're not trying to get back, or you're picking one situation over another as a priority. I think it's easier to think even 1% more clearly when you have been in the shock of being told what you have been told (although I know I didn't have to make such a huge choice) but I do know the constant anxious feeling which leads not eating or sleeping, unfortunately very well. 

Lots of love xxx