I don’t want my mum to die

Hey guys, 

Just abit of background, my mum is 55, and was recently diagnosed with Advanced bowel cancer, that had spread to the liver and lungs. 
In terms of treatment, she was declined surgery, as the cancer had spread too much, we are awaiting an appointment with the oncologist to discuss if she can have palliative chemotherapy- but will assess her fitness. However, she is extremely weak, as she was also diagnosed with covid last week, which she got from hospital when she went to get her ascites drained. 

When she was first diagnosed in February, I was positive as prior to her becoming diagnosed, she appeared to be the fittest she had ever been- ie/ working out, walking 10k daily steps, eating well. I would've never thought she had Stage 4 cancer. But recently I'm feeling extremely deflated, angry because the cancer wasn't spotted earlier, and extremely depressed. 
I want to be positive, but at the same time, I am petrified. I don't want my mum to die. I can't imagine life without her, and don't want to imagine life without her.  I keep thinking why didn't we do more. I feel like I'm going crazy. At the same time, I keep thinking, should I be preparing for her death, or should I wait until oncologist decide on treatment plan. 
I just don't know how to feel, or what to do to ease the pain. Please can someone help? I feel really down  

Parents
  • Hi and welcome to our little chat room...

    Now breath .... take some deep breaths .... yes this is heartbraking but you've got everything running through your brain at once ... you are having pre grief ... it's quite normal ... the brain trys to imagine what life will be like after ... your not alone ...

    But right now you need to try and calm down ...and know it's also normal to be angry and think could someone have done something earlier ... well we'd all need a crystal ball to see into the future ...

    Now just take a minute and sit and think your mum held you as a baby ... taught you to walk.... held your hand ... and watched you grow ... now you need to look after her now ... no more panicking... no looking ahead to what MAY happen ... live in the day ... hold her hand ... she will need you now ... it's o.k to share tears... admit it's scary ... but take each day and make as many memories as you can ... don't have to be big ones ... ask about her life growing up ... watch a movie ... listen to each other ... you can do this together ...

    It will be one of the hardest things you every go through ... but doing it right, will give you memories to keep ... don't waste the days you have letting your imagination get to you ... yes you'll have down times ... it's o.k to cry ... but after you let it out, get back up and try again ... I know as I'm on my cancer journey.. and that's how I live ... every day is a bonus ... and remember no one is promised tomorrow.... healthy or with cancer ... so you'll always find someone here to help you through ... 

    Sending a vertual hug.... Chrissie x

  • Hi Chrissie,

    Thank you so much for your reply, and your kind words- I've noticed that you reply a lot to people, and help them out, which is amazing, and we need more people like you in the world! 
    When I wrote that message, I was feeling very overwhelmed, but I've taken a few days out to recoupe and gather my thoughts. As you're right, you don't need cancer to not be guranteed tomorrow. It is up to god how one lives, and no-one can really estimate that. 
     

    Sending you lots of prayers and love x

Reply
  • Hi Chrissie,

    Thank you so much for your reply, and your kind words- I've noticed that you reply a lot to people, and help them out, which is amazing, and we need more people like you in the world! 
    When I wrote that message, I was feeling very overwhelmed, but I've taken a few days out to recoupe and gather my thoughts. As you're right, you don't need cancer to not be guranteed tomorrow. It is up to god how one lives, and no-one can really estimate that. 
     

    Sending you lots of prayers and love x

Children
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