Hi and welcome to our little chat room...

Now breath .... take some deep breaths .... yes this is heartbraking but you've got everything running through your brain at once ... you are having pre grief ... it's quite normal ... the brain trys to imagine what life will be like after ... your not alone ...

But right now you need to try and calm down ...and know it's also normal to be angry and think could someone have done something earlier ... well we'd all need a crystal ball to see into the future ...

Now just take a minute and sit and think your mum held you as a baby ... taught you to walk.... held your hand ... and watched you grow ... now you need to look after her now ... no more panicking... no looking ahead to what MAY happen ... live in the day ... hold her hand ... she will need you now ... it's o.k to share tears... admit it's scary ... but take each day and make as many memories as you can ... don't have to be big ones ... ask about her life growing up ... watch a movie ... listen to each other ... you can do this together ...

It will be one of the hardest things you every go through ... but doing it right, will give you memories to keep ... don't waste the days you have letting your imagination get to you ... yes you'll have down times ... it's o.k to cry ... but after you let it out, get back up and try again ... I know as I'm on my cancer journey.. and that's how I live ... every day is a bonus ... and remember no one is promised tomorrow.... healthy or with cancer ... so you'll always find someone here to help you through ... 

Sending a vertual hug.... Chrissie x

Hi Chrissie,

Thank you so much for your reply, and your kind words- I've noticed that you reply a lot to people, and help them out, which is amazing, and we need more people like you in the world! 
When I wrote that message, I was feeling very overwhelmed, but I've taken a few days out to recoupe and gather my thoughts. As you're right, you don't need cancer to not be guranteed tomorrow. It is up to god how one lives, and no-one can really estimate that. 
 

Sending you lots of prayers and love x

Hey, thank you so much for your reply. I'm so sorry to hear about your mum, and I'm sorry you have to go through this. 
But I agree with you, every day I have with my mum is a blessing, I cherish every call message and visit. I don't want to imagine life without her, but I should live in the present, rather than what could be in the future. 
When I do think about life without her, it takes me to really dark places, because I just want her to be here forever. But as Chrissie said in her comment above, you don't need cancer to not be guranteed tomorrow. 

We just have to go through this process, and live everyday to the fullest with our mothers, so we don't have regrets in the future. 

If you need to talk, I am here x 

Sending you lots of love and prayers xx

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum and can only feel your sorrow and fears. i lot my mum to stage 4 lung cancer less than a year ago and the loss is still very raw. i was lucky that my mum lived up until 90 but the wooly delivery of her condition by medical profession was not acceptable. Yes she had mild dementia deemed up until hospital admission able to make decisions (and 6 months prognosis) family left to relay news. And what news when tests ie mri/x ray discharge summary sheet read probable/likely ? Hardly definative so we held on to hope and said nothing other than to give her our care and love at home where she wanted to be. I'm glad my mum got that wish what with arising covid but i am and was not satisfied with my mothers GP or hospital or even mcmillan nurses who were not even sympathetic of our fears and feelings on wording.  I am blessed that she had  painfree death and we were with her and that she had a wonderful home carer, but as for support and understanding from health professionals that will stick in my throat forever. Much is left to family and you have to fight your corner and support when your least strongest. I will miss my mum forever and thankgod that she was not hosptilised against her wishes with increase of covid admissions and action that insued. Stay strong and always do your own research and questioning medics might not like it and you seldom have your mind at rest but dont worry about who's toes you tread on . Medics may think they are gods and beyond reproach but be a big voice on any concerns you have with your mums condition and progress of this terrible desease.   David 

I'm sorry to hear your mum is fighting cancer. I am 48 and was diagnosed 20 months ago with stage 4 kidney cancer. How did that happen? I didn't have any symptoms until just before I was diagnosed. My symptoms were tummy ache that came and went a slight change in the colour of my stools and weight loss but it was only just before diagnosis that these symptoms occurred. I was in total shock and angry to be told that a CT scan showed a 12 cm cancerous tumour on my kidney which had spread to my lungs! Unbelievable. I lost my mum 4 years ago to kidney cancer that spread to her bones, the same cancer. However my mums was found really late and aged 72 her first symptoms were a fractured pelvis!! The cancer caused bones to break! I get angry that my cancer wasn't found sooner but how could it be if I had felt well and kept fit beforehand? Like your mum finding mine was so unexpected but advanced she  found. I used to worry I would die but now 20 months later I am feeling fairly well. 
It wasn't always like this at first I was really ill with immunotherapy and was in an out of hospital and my daughter who is 27 was devastated thinking I was dying. Now I have discovered my treatment isn't working well enough and am currently waiting for a  suitable clinical trial to hopefully control the cancer now growing on my lungs. I feel positive against all the odds and am hopeful that although my cancer may not be curable but can be managed for a few years yet. The problem with cancer is it's often not found until the cancer is advanced but hopefully my age and level of fitness will help and help your mum too. Try and be positive and just be there for your mum.