Hi I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad. No one prepares you for watching your loved ones come to the end of their life. My Mum died on 6th February. Mum went in hospital on 20th January. We were told she had secondary liver cancer. Mum fell while in hospital and had a bleed on the brain she then caught Covid 19 and died saturday night. Mum had the death rattle when we arrived on saturday afternoon and died about 5 hours later. It was heartbreaking to watch. Stay strong. You aren't alone. 

Thank you to all the lovely replies, my dad passed away yesterday evening.

I thought I would update incase anyone searches in the future. he had the rattle noise for 60 hour in the end, it has been a traumatic 2 weeks and the last 60 hours of his life were so distressing to watch. But he passed with myself and my mum holding his hand.

today I just feel disbelieve, I don't feel sad or anything, it's like my brain won't let me comprehend all that we have been through. I hope this is normal? I just feel like I should be distraught today and not just carrying on as normal

So sorry for your loss Emeliekate and it's so sad that his last hours were so distressing. Sincere condolences on behalf of the Cancer Chat team. 

We are thinking of you and your family during this difficult time. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hello Emeliekate. I'm sorry to hear that your dear father has passed. My dad too passed from lung cancer despite not having been a smoker. He was one month away from turning 79 years old. He was bedridden for the last 60 days of his life (30 in the hospital and 30 at home). My dad had the "death rattle" while in the hospital which was very disturbing. I cried at his bedside feeling helpless and praying to switch places with him. I have read that while the rattle sound is very disturbing, it is not uncomfortable to the patient. Also, the fact that you're not feeling distraught right now is normal for you (as it was for me too immediately after my dad's passing). The reason I was not distraught right after was because we had a LONG 17 weeks of fighting his illness (from diagnosis to death). We were both tired and defeated. I had prayed to Lord "if you're not going to heal him, please take him". So when the Lord took him, I was more relieved that my dad was no longer suffering. This might explain why you are not distraught at this time either. In my experience, little time had passed before I felt my dad's absence. It was the worst pain I had ever felt in my life. My 17 year old brother was murdered yet my dad's passing was even more painful. For about the first year after my dad's passing, I wanted to die but I had my mom and nephews to live for. After some time and having a lot of support from friends, family and strangers, I no longer wanted to die or isolate myself. It's been 3 and a half years and while it's still not easy, I tend to remember our fond memories as opposed to his ill days. I hope that you too find strength and courage to continue your dad's legacy, and make him proud as he will continue to love and protect you.

Hello, yesterday, my beautiful mum passed away; she had a very bad irregular heartbeat, which we believe was down to anxiety;, we asked for anxiety medication, and we couldn’t get it. We waited an hour for the doctor, and the heart rate went over 200 beats. She wasn’t ready to die, but there was a buildup of fluid. It sounded like her lungs; they did not give her any diuretics then we were told the only solution was to provide end-of-life care; they took all the monitors off, and then for five or six hours, we had my mum with the loudest, death rattle, or struggling to breathe and live   you could hear 59 meters away , it sounded to me like she wanted to live, we were not given the option for her to live and she took her last breaths after six hours of what seemed like fighting to live. I’m devastated. I don’t know what to think or what to do; I feel like the medical profession just wants to kill off older adults. My mum had a tiny tumour, but she had a lung collapse, and they refused to treat it with diuretics. They said she was too weak for any treatment, even though need to release the pressure of the fluid would not have harmed her, t feel like my mum was killed and that we were party to it by allowing end-of-life treatment. I don’t know what to do or what to think. my mum was 80, but she was full of the life she wanted to live, and I don’t think she was given a chance. Has anyone else had this experience of neglect and pain