Mum dying in late 50’s

Hi,

My mum is dying from bowel cancer that has spread to her liver. She most likely only has days left. I'm really struggling to cope with this news. I have never suffered from anxiety but I have recently begun having what I think are panic attacks- struggling to breathe, feeling sick etc. 
On top of this, my mum has become  confused which is very difficult to watch. She was an extremely intelligent  and independent woman having worked in business her entire life.

We are a very close family- just me, my older sibling, my dad and mum. My mum was glue that held us together and also organised birthdays, Christmas and family gatherings. I'm really worried what will happen to us when she is no longer here. 
I am only 25 and only have a few close friends (none of which have had any similar experience). I'm not close to my extended family. Usually the one to comfort me in difficult situations would be my mum and obviously now  she can't. I feel very alone and am wondering if there is anyone here who is of similar age who could offer support/advice? 
 

Thank you 

Parents
  • Hi,

    I'm so sorry to hear this, I'm 23 currently, I lost my Dad when I was 16 from colon cancer and currently caring for my mum who has AML and in last few weeks of life. It's a horrible thing to go through for everyone. Feels so cruel to lose parents so young. The best advice I can give is don't be too hard on yourself. You will have good and bad days, and don't be afraid to ask for help. I was stupid after I lost dad and didn't give myself time. I tried to carry on and I shouldn't have. Fear I might do the same again as work in the NHS and feel so guilty not working at the moment. It's nice to find people of a similar to me. I haven't met or heard of anyone I know that's been through such a loss at a young age. 

     

    Always happy to chat, I feel I need it too! Most importantly be proud of how strong you are for going through this.  

     

  • Hi there,

    Please don't feel guilty about work. I too work for the NHS and I have an extremely supportive manager. I took two months off to care for my dad but he passed after 2 weeks diagnosis. I still took the two months as I needed it. My manager said to me that if I can't think of caring about anyone else but my dad then I cant look after others and it's so true. I have gone back to work now to make dad proud but its tough. Nursing demands every aspect of you.

    Sending all my thoughts to you both xx

Reply
  • Hi there,

    Please don't feel guilty about work. I too work for the NHS and I have an extremely supportive manager. I took two months off to care for my dad but he passed after 2 weeks diagnosis. I still took the two months as I needed it. My manager said to me that if I can't think of caring about anyone else but my dad then I cant look after others and it's so true. I have gone back to work now to make dad proud but its tough. Nursing demands every aspect of you.

    Sending all my thoughts to you both xx

Children
  • Thank you both for your lovely replies. I'm really sorry for both of you- it seems really unfair that we are losing parents at this age when others still have their parents and grandparents around. 
     

    I've been working (from home) and feel guilty about taking time off as it is not a particularly stressful job compared to what you both do! But I feel based on your advice that I should. 

    If you're happy to, would love to keep in touch so please do send me a private message if either of you feel like it. 
     

     

     
     

     

  • It really does feel so unfair. I feel we have been drawn an unfair card and just wish I could find out why.

    No matter how stressful or non stressful your job is, look after yourself. I used to tell patients families that you only get one chance to look after a loved one and give them the best care and it's so true. You also need time to care for yourself. 

    Feel free to message at anytime. X