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Dad is dying,,,,aggressive bladder cancer which has spread

Fidodido
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My dad is dying. The cancer has spread and got a hold of him. Every time I think it can’t get any worse for him, it seems to find a way to make life a little bit more *** for him.Its the hardest thing to watch.

How do you lift someones spirit when, life is a daily struggle and things never get better only ever worse?

i assumed that dying wouldn’t hurt as the pain would be controlled with drugs, but the pained expression in my dad’s eyes is unbearable at times and pain is not the only effect cancer has on a body. 

I desperatly want him to be ok, but he isn’t going to be, I wish he could pass peacefully rather than this intolerable waiting and watching him suffer indignity after indignity while this thing gets worse.  

How long will he have to carry on like this ... no one has any answers....” everyone’s different they say”.... with each new issue though...strange lumps, unexpected bleeding,.... do you call a doctor, contact the hospice.... or ignore it as he’s not going to get better.....there’s no clear instructions.... 

Feeling helpless.... on how to help and ensure what time is left is not horrific for my dad......

 

Parents
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    Good Evening 

    I came on here seeking some reassurance, advice, hope anything positive really. 

    My Mam is 56 she also had bladder cancer back in January had her bladder removes along with some other organs.. In march she was given the all clear life was good. 

     

    5 weeks ago we got a devastating blow it had came back to her pelvis it's now spreading throughout her body.

    For weeks she's been told she could have Chemo then an infection occurs and its a hospital stay, she's so poorly, very weak and has immense pain at times its so cruel. 

    Today the consultant mentioned palliative chemotherapy.. I'm searching will it help her? Will it make her worse?

    Sending positivity and love to all who are suffering and going through this

    Steph x

  • Offline in reply to MraVee

    Hi Steph, 

    my dad’s story is very similar. He had everything removed and was given the all clear, but it’s back. 

    Im sorry to hear how poorly she is. It’s ever so hard isn’t it. 

    I cant comment for your mums journey,or how good or bad palliative chemo will be. I can tell you my dad started a treatment and decided he couldn’t handle anything further, but it was a really hard decision for him in case he upset the family. 

    My advice, for what it’s worth,  is to tell your mum that it’s her choice and that you support her decision whatever it may be. At least then she is doing what’s best for her and no one else. 

    Sending much love at this difficult time. Good luck. X

     

     

Reply
  • Offline in reply to MraVee

    Hi Steph, 

    my dad’s story is very similar. He had everything removed and was given the all clear, but it’s back. 

    Im sorry to hear how poorly she is. It’s ever so hard isn’t it. 

    I cant comment for your mums journey,or how good or bad palliative chemo will be. I can tell you my dad started a treatment and decided he couldn’t handle anything further, but it was a really hard decision for him in case he upset the family. 

    My advice, for what it’s worth,  is to tell your mum that it’s her choice and that you support her decision whatever it may be. At least then she is doing what’s best for her and no one else. 

    Sending much love at this difficult time. Good luck. X

     

     

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