Hi there - I can't truly imagine how hard this is for you &how much you want your dad to be free of pain. It's so difficult to give advice but I've been trying to think what I would do & I would certainly ring your dad's GP. If necessary I would make a fuss & say that there really isn't any need for your dad to be in pain. Perhaps you could also ring the hospice at least for a bit of advice. I would hope that your dad's GP would organise good pain relief.

My mother died a little under 2 years ago & she was in a nursing home (she was 89). The GP had said she could have pain relief whenever she needed it but the staff were reluctant to give it to her as much as she needed it (she also had cancer). I had to insist on it & maybe you need to do that too.

Whatever you do tho' don't ignore it. Trust your instincts & demand a bit of help - you & your dad should have it. Do let us know how you get on. All the best sweetie I'll think of you. x

Nobody has to die in excruciating pain  in this day  .Is your dad at home  and are hospice nurse involved in his care  you will have to become actively involved in his pain control and be there when he is being assessed. Don't be afraid to take a stand with  GPS  this must be addressed 

Good Evening 

I came on here seeking some reassurance, advice, hope anything positive really. 

My Mam is 56 she also had bladder cancer back in January had her bladder removes along with some other organs.. In march she was given the all clear life was good. 

5 weeks ago we got a devastating blow it had came back to her pelvis it's now spreading throughout her body.

For weeks she's been told she could have Chemo then an infection occurs and its a hospital stay, she's so poorly, very weak and has immense pain at times its so cruel. 

Today the consultant mentioned palliative chemotherapy.. I'm searching will it help her? Will it make her worse?

Sending positivity and love to all who are suffering and going through this

Steph x

Hi there,

Im sorry to hear that the cancer has come back for your mum. Unfortunately this sometimes happens even with ongoing treatment and frequent investigations.

By what you have mentioned it seems that the doctors are taking a pallative approach. This means that they are trying to prolong your mothers life as well as trying to improve her quality of life. Often this means that the intention to cure is no longer something they feel might be achievable.  However that said, there is always hope and people do benefit for long periods of time on pallative treatment. obviously the pros and cons of further treatment is down to the individual. 

I wish yourself and your mother all the best and im thinking of you during this difficult period. 

Best wishes 

Jamal 

Early stage bladder cancer 

Diagnosed on April 2019. Age 29. 

Thank you so much for your advice.

I will try to be more assertive. It’s so hard to know how much to step in and be assertive with the people who deal with this situation as a job.... I will ask more questions  of the nurse and hospice. 

Thank you. X

Thank you. Dad is at home at the moment. We have a hospice nurse that we can phone if we have a concern.  I will try to get more involved in the assessments. Thanks for advice.

Hi Steph, 

my dad’s story is very similar. He had everything removed and was given the all clear, but it’s back. 

Im sorry to hear how poorly she is. It’s ever so hard isn’t it. 

I cant comment for your mums journey,or how good or bad palliative chemo will be. I can tell you my dad started a treatment and decided he couldn’t handle anything further, but it was a really hard decision for him in case he upset the family. 

My advice, for what it’s worth,  is to tell your mum that it’s her choice and that you support her decision whatever it may be. At least then she is doing what’s best for her and no one else. 

Sending much love at this difficult time. Good luck. X

Hi Jamal, Although, your response was not to my original post, I noticed your diagnosis, listed at the bottom of the page. I wish you well in your fight and hope that your recovery is full and speedy. Best wishes x

My wife is 55 and has ms she was diagnosed with grade 3 bladder cancer 8 weeks later after radical surgery full hysterectomy and bladder removal we're told it was squamous cancer grade 3 stage 4 and had spread to the lymph nodes which they couldn't remove! We're waiting to meet the oncologist and start chemotherapy but not sure where we go from here!

Hi Karis07

I'm sorry to hear about your wife. I hope they succeed with the chemo treatment for her full recovery. 
None of us know what will happen next during these journeys.  My advise (for what it's worth)  is live one day at a time and try to find something to laugh about with your wife whenever the opportunity arises. 
I wish you both support and warmth on the roller coaster of a journey you find yourself in...

Best wishes