13.8.20

My partner was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer at the beginning of lockdown end of

March .
Since Christmas he suffered with IBS and pain , his Dr tested for cancer in early March seemingly all clear . The pain continued and he had a CT scan showing unoperable cancer in the pancreas ,spleen and liver . 

He was lucky to be offered chemotherapy in May in the hope to extend his life.  
Unfortunately he has suffered horribly with nausea and sickness throughout caused by the disease and treatment .

He lost so much weight because of this and has survived on crackers ,ginger beer and ovaltine drinks.
Our kitchen is full of food he fancied eating but could never manage . 

His abdomen continually filled with fluid ( ascites) He was admitted to hospital to have the 9 litres  of fluid drained 4 times .
In June he was kept in hospital for 2 weeks because of peritonitis infection , it was so distressing as we were not allowed to see him due to Covid restrictions .

The hospital has been brilliant but each time he has returned home stable but  weaker and thinner ,unable to walk.

Unfortunately the chemotherapy was stopped because of the infection ,

My daughter(17) and I have watched him becoming weaker and the hope of chemo and a chance disappear .

I have nursed him at home helping a once great big ,hard working man with , dressing ,medicines ,toileting and washing .

How anyone copes alone I can't imagine , it has been a full time job collecting and managing anti sickness  , pain relief prescriptions , nurses and appointments .
His last visit to hospital in July he finally came home with a permanent ascitic drain and catheter . 

The palliative community nurses and GP have been very supportive but to no avail .
My partner is now lucky to be in a hospice ,he is being so well cared for but it is heartbreaking to see him dying  of such a cruel disease in a such a short time.

My advice if any one is offered respite in a hospice is to  grab it ,dont wait til end of life .

The consultants and nurses really understand the cancers and have the time to treat the whole person so they are comfortable and have hope . They also have so much time to support the families .

Tonight I am  sitting waiting for the dreaded phone call from the hospice  .

Hi

I feel for you so much. I went through exactly the same trauma with my husband that ended in March. The trying to feed, caring (all aspects), ascites drainage, permanent drain being fitted, horrendous weight loss, sickness from chemo and the disease. It has to be one of the worst things imaginable and no one understands fully unless they have been through it.  Unfortunately my husband struggled through it mainly at home (totally his choice) and only asked for help in the last week and was admitted to a Hospice 18 hours before he passed away.  I wish he had gone sooner as they could have made him so much more comfortable but he just wanted to fight it to the end.  Words cannot express how sorry I am for you.

Sue

Hello Sue

thank you for your time taken to reply .
I am sorry that you went through this too, it must still be very painful for you and so awful to lose your husband at such a difficult time in Lockdown .

I hope that you are keeping well and coping as well as you can .

Unfortunately my partner lost his battle yesterday morning. 

You know the drill.

ksg 

Gosh I'm so sorry to hear this.  It really is such a dreadful disease.  Sending you much love. 
X

Hi Ksg

I am sorry for your loss, I really am. It will all be a bit of a blur for you for a while. I know we are all different but I still cant believe my husband has gone and I am on my own now. I keep telling myself it wasnt his fault or choice and I  cry so much but take each day as it comes and do things your way not anyone elses.

Sue x

Hi Ksg

I am sorry for your loss, I really am. It will all be a bit of a blur for you for a while. I know we are all different but I still cant believe my husband has gone and I am on my own now. I keep telling myself it wasnt his fault or choice and I  cry so much but take each day as it comes and do things your way not anyone elses.

Sue x

Hello Sue

 I hope you are doing ok and have managed to get through the bank holiday so far .
It's hard isn't it , trying to keep going during

holidays when it's meant to be a "  happy  

family time "

  I keep getting lots of memories and flashbacks of recent traumas looking after my partner .

I expect you do too  take care thinking of you 

best wishes 

ksg