Dad terminal prostate cancer - update

hi I originally posted in another thread on 'Introduce yourself'. I haven't been on here for a while.

my dad was diagnosed with terminal prostate cancer back in January (2016) - he's been on hormone therapy since then. He was told the cancer had spread to his lymph nodes and lungs and that it was incurable. They couldn't say how long he ahead left to live. He couldnt have chemo as he has a history of stroke, high blood pressure. He had a bone scan sometime in the summer which came back clear. However, he had another appointment recently and he's been told that the cancer has now spread to the bone on one area of his spine in the lower back and it has spread even further in his lungs. I was dreading it spreading to his bone and this can be the worse. :((( however, he does seem ok physically for now, he's not in pain but he keeps suffering from incontinence problems at both ends, mainly urgency to urinate and not making it in time. This is getting worse. So he's going to be put on aberitarone and steroids as well to help control the cancer but has he already suffers with diabetes and a history of stroke, high blood pressure, this new drug will make all of that worse, but it will control his cancer more. So its a gamble and more added pressure and worry. Dreading what's to come, and this latest news has just knocked us all as well. Taking each day as it comes :(

  • I am sorry to hear the news.

    The unfortunate reality is that treating cancer is difficult to begin with. When combined with other issues, even more so. I suspect they will modify his diabeties medication and probably have him test his sugar levels a lot more often.

    This desease really throws one for a complete toss, and often delievers more than anyone person deserves suffer.

    All one can do is take it a day at time, and try and keep your spirits up.

  • Hi there

    I have just seen your posts from March and I am so sad to hear about the really difficult time you and your family are going through right now. My dad was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer August 2015, and he underwent similar treatment to yours. He did not respond well to treatment and very sadly died in August this year. It was the hardest year of my life and it continues to be difficult on a daily basis, but there are days when I feel somewhat peaceful and able to cope with everything that has happened. I've found professional counselling has been really helpful in giving me some clarity to my thoughts and dealing with the waves of emotions that comes with a life changing event like this. I just want to reassure you that no matter how bad it is, you will be able to deal with it. Please do message me directly if you want to chat at all. Take care and good luck to your Dad


  • Thank you Nikki. I'm really sorry about your dad, it's not easy for anyone to lose a parent, and it's a comfort on here to see and know others are going through the same. I know I will fall apart when it happens and no idea how or when. I don't want to see him deteriorate or be in pain and also scared in case he goes quickly without any warning. Everyday at work I'm watching my phone and can't cope but in front of my dad and my mom and sister I look and act totally fine. If you don't mind telling me (even in private message) what you're dad went through and what you and your family went through? I know everyone has a different journey but I personally know others whose parents have died of cancer but they were in their 40s when it happened and they were already married with kids etc and I know there are children out there who've lost their parents to cancer - it doesn't matter what age or relation or how, we all end up grieving. But I've not known anyone my age and whose dad has/had prostate cancer. I know of other men who's had it and got through it but I hate to say it, I resent them in a way and think why can't my dad overcome it too. My sister is only early 20s and think she'll be the only person who will share the same pain. We won't get to have our dad see us married, have kids. And other people,I know have recently got married or are planning weddings and I resented them too, jealousy tbh! They get their dads at their weddings, we won't. I've never known or personally seen anyone with cancer so no idea what to expect. I know I will fall apart when it happens but will be strong for my dad, mom and sister. Sorry for your loss lots of hugs xxxx

  • I'm so sorry to hear about your dad.

    My dad has prostate cancer and has anything from 1-4 weeks left, so they say, so I know what it's like. My dad's metastasized into his spine mainly, but also his hip bones and ribs. As far as I know, it's not invaded his organs - or maybe it has and it's not too bad yet. I feel lost myself as I'm abroad and his new wife never updates me!

    Anyway, are you in touch with a hospice? They have been great with my dad, adjusting meds on a weekly or daily basis and also providing care and support.

    I feel for you - these are difficult times. But these forums are wonderful.


  • Hi Emily, I'm so sorry about your dad. They haven't given us a time of life expectancy. I guess its just see how it goes as they can't predict. How long did your dad have prostate cancer for, how long. Ago was he diagnosed (if you dont mind me asking)? We haven't been in touch with a hospice, don't think it's got to that stage yet. I'm sorry, for you and your situation, I know that time will come with mine. I guess like everyone tells me, spend time with your dad, don't have regrets .are you able to go and visit your dad? You have a right to know how he is and to see him of course. Lots of love and hugs to you 

  • Hello

    I just wanted to reach out as I found out at the beginning of this week that my Dad is beyond help with his cancer - I'm like you and having a heart failure everytime my phone rings and not knowing how long he has - it gives you mixed emotions where you are gutted to lose them but can't handle living like this for much longer!

    My Dad kept me very distant during this short battle (he was only diagnosed in July) but I will have to face seeing him soon and have been warned that he has been ravaged (the chemo made him seriously ill)  - the whole thing is terrifying and heartbreaking.

    It's my birthday today and the first time in 37 years my parents haven't wished me happy birthday - mainly because my mum is too busy with the macmillan nurses to know what day it us and my dad is out of it on morphine.

    Feel free to talk to me - it's a godsend to connect with people in the same boat x

  • Hi jules, I'm so sorry. Happy birthday, but not Happy as such, 

     How long did he have it for if you don't mind me asking? I know what u mean about mixed emotions - I have anticipatory grief - it's like they've already passed away in your head and heart, but they haven't actually gone. And u don't want them to go, you want to keep them with u forever, but it's like being told they've died when they actually haven't but they will, and you don't know when. I know everyone on here has different journeys, different lengths. It feels like a ticking time bomb waiting to go off and you don't know when. And for those actually going through it, I can't imagine being told u only have so long left, and being told what's inside you that's eating away at u and there's nothing u can do to stop it. I think I'd rather just go, without knowing. I know for us, the families, it gives us that time to cherish them even more. This is like grieving beforehand, and during and we're still going to grieve after too. Those who don't know their loved ones are going to pass away, don't get that chance cus they think they will time another day in the future,. I've never lost anyone close to me really and I've never seen anyone have cancer so I don't know what to expect. I'm already tearing myself up and this could another few weeks, months, year? I don't know. I guess all we can do and try and have no regrets, show them we care, and help as best as we can. 

  • Hi,

    Well my dad has been lucky .. if you can use that word. He has had prostate cancer for almost 15 years and up until around 18 months ago, he was doing great and living a normal life. Then it started to spread more rapidly - he only had minor bone metasteses until then. It spread into his spine suddenly.

    He went through hormone treatment, radiotherapy, chemo and radioactive treatment. Eventually about 6 months ago, they told him there was nothing more they could do and it would be palliative care. 

    It's only in the last 2 months that he's gone rapidly downhill. When I visited in July he was weak, but managing, and wasn't yet then incontinent - that started in September. 

    Now I know he's in the last few weeks... he's sleeping mostly, can't walk or stand without help, and is having minor hallucinations. He is still eating a small bowl of porridge each day, but that's about it. And he can still swallow, which is good. 

    He's being cared for at home by his wife (not my mum) and she's doing a great job. Nurses go in each day and pretty soon they are saying a hospice nurse will go in overnight too. That tells me it isn't that far away.

    To be honest, I feel like my life is in limbo and has been since late September. I feel like each day I'm wondering how long he has and whether I should keep my diary free, just in case.. it's a weird feeling. Part of me is numb, the other part is desperately sad. I am a long flight away from him and so it's just not easy to see him. At least I visited a month ago and told him how much I loved him... that was a special memory.

    Please let me know if you have questions.. I'm happy to answer them if I can.

    Emily xx


  • Hello again

    Sadly we lost Dad yesterday, feels so strange but we are still managing to laugh at the memories of him  - he actually had a lot of heart issues in his fiftes so we kind of take heart that we thought we would lose him years ago and would have been relieved if someone told us we would have had him til 69.

    It seems so fast to me, he was diagnosed in July and I never saw any symptoms of it when was hanging out with him in the summer - he was ridiculously sectretive though and I get the impression from my mum that something probably wasn't quite since April but he hid that from me. Things went rapidly downhill when the chemo started the other month - they have to give him a post mortem as they think he may have been overdosed on chemo :-( it left him fighting sepsis and 10 other infections.

    This rapid happened over the space of just a fortnight and I never realised it would be so quickly so final when they discharged him from hospital last tuesday - he was kept out of on morphine from then on so for him it was a very peaceful last few days. I never did see him and it spared me what he what he was so adamant to spare me from (must be a Dad & Daughter relationship thing as he didn't worry about my brothers seeing him so much), mum told me tonight not to go and see him in the funeral directors, she said I wouldn't recognise him - awful isn't it! 

    It feels very surreal at the moment, the tributes my brother and I had on posted on our facebook page were so heartwarming, I didn't know he'd lefy such a mark on so many peoples lives x



  • Hi Emily

    I know your world so well - I have had that same limbo this last week, although I thought to myself that surely he wouldn't go that quick but sadly yet mercifully we lost him yesterday x

    Message me anytime if you like as it's a heart ache we both share right now - at least I no longer have the crushing worry about my lovely Dads well being every day now x