I'm so sorry to hear about your dad.

My dad has prostate cancer and has anything from 1-4 weeks left, so they say, so I know what it's like. My dad's metastasized into his spine mainly, but also his hip bones and ribs. As far as I know, it's not invaded his organs - or maybe it has and it's not too bad yet. I feel lost myself as I'm abroad and his new wife never updates me!

Anyway, are you in touch with a hospice? They have been great with my dad, adjusting meds on a weekly or daily basis and also providing care and support.

I feel for you - these are difficult times. But these forums are wonderful.

Emily

Hi Emily, I'm so sorry about your dad. They haven't given us a time of life expectancy. I guess its just see how it goes as they can't predict. How long did your dad have prostate cancer for, how long. Ago was he diagnosed (if you dont mind me asking)? We haven't been in touch with a hospice, don't think it's got to that stage yet. I'm sorry, for you and your situation, I know that time will come with mine. I guess like everyone tells me, spend time with your dad, don't have regrets .are you able to go and visit your dad? You have a right to know how he is and to see him of course. Lots of love and hugs to you 

Hello

I just wanted to reach out as I found out at the beginning of this week that my Dad is beyond help with his cancer - I'm like you and having a heart failure everytime my phone rings and not knowing how long he has - it gives you mixed emotions where you are gutted to lose them but can't handle living like this for much longer!

My Dad kept me very distant during this short battle (he was only diagnosed in July) but I will have to face seeing him soon and have been warned that he has been ravaged (the chemo made him seriously ill)  - the whole thing is terrifying and heartbreaking.

It's my birthday today and the first time in 37 years my parents haven't wished me happy birthday - mainly because my mum is too busy with the macmillan nurses to know what day it us and my dad is out of it on morphine.

Feel free to talk to me - it's a godsend to connect with people in the same boat x

Hi jules, I'm so sorry. Happy birthday, but not Happy as such, 

 How long did he have it for if you don't mind me asking? I know what u mean about mixed emotions - I have anticipatory grief - it's like they've already passed away in your head and heart, but they haven't actually gone. And u don't want them to go, you want to keep them with u forever, but it's like being told they've died when they actually haven't but they will, and you don't know when. I know everyone on here has different journeys, different lengths. It feels like a ticking time bomb waiting to go off and you don't know when. And for those actually going through it, I can't imagine being told u only have so long left, and being told what's inside you that's eating away at u and there's nothing u can do to stop it. I think I'd rather just go, without knowing. I know for us, the families, it gives us that time to cherish them even more. This is like grieving beforehand, and during and we're still going to grieve after too. Those who don't know their loved ones are going to pass away, don't get that chance cus they think they will time another day in the future,. I've never lost anyone close to me really and I've never seen anyone have cancer so I don't know what to expect. I'm already tearing myself up and this could another few weeks, months, year? I don't know. I guess all we can do and try and have no regrets, show them we care, and help as best as we can. 

Hi,

Well my dad has been lucky .. if you can use that word. He has had prostate cancer for almost 15 years and up until around 18 months ago, he was doing great and living a normal life. Then it started to spread more rapidly - he only had minor bone metasteses until then. It spread into his spine suddenly.

He went through hormone treatment, radiotherapy, chemo and radioactive treatment. Eventually about 6 months ago, they told him there was nothing more they could do and it would be palliative care. 

It's only in the last 2 months that he's gone rapidly downhill. When I visited in July he was weak, but managing, and wasn't yet then incontinent - that started in September. 

Now I know he's in the last few weeks... he's sleeping mostly, can't walk or stand without help, and is having minor hallucinations. He is still eating a small bowl of porridge each day, but that's about it. And he can still swallow, which is good. 

He's being cared for at home by his wife (not my mum) and she's doing a great job. Nurses go in each day and pretty soon they are saying a hospice nurse will go in overnight too. That tells me it isn't that far away.

To be honest, I feel like my life is in limbo and has been since late September. I feel like each day I'm wondering how long he has and whether I should keep my diary free, just in case.. it's a weird feeling. Part of me is numb, the other part is desperately sad. I am a long flight away from him and so it's just not easy to see him. At least I visited a month ago and told him how much I loved him... that was a special memory.

Please let me know if you have questions.. I'm happy to answer them if I can.

Emily xx

Hello again

Sadly we lost Dad yesterday, feels so strange but we are still managing to laugh at the memories of him  - he actually had a lot of heart issues in his fiftes so we kind of take heart that we thought we would lose him years ago and would have been relieved if someone told us we would have had him til 69.

It seems so fast to me, he was diagnosed in July and I never saw any symptoms of it when was hanging out with him in the summer - he was ridiculously sectretive though and I get the impression from my mum that something probably wasn't quite since April but he hid that from me. Things went rapidly downhill when the chemo started the other month - they have to give him a post mortem as they think he may have been overdosed on chemo :-( it left him fighting sepsis and 10 other infections.

This rapid happened over the space of just a fortnight and I never realised it would be so quickly so final when they discharged him from hospital last tuesday - he was kept out of on morphine from then on so for him it was a very peaceful last few days. I never did see him and it spared me what he what he was so adamant to spare me from (must be a Dad & Daughter relationship thing as he didn't worry about my brothers seeing him so much), mum told me tonight not to go and see him in the funeral directors, she said I wouldn't recognise him - awful isn't it! 

It feels very surreal at the moment, the tributes my brother and I had on posted on our facebook page were so heartwarming, I didn't know he'd lefy such a mark on so many peoples lives x

Hi Emily

I know your world so well - I have had that same limbo this last week, although I thought to myself that surely he wouldn't go that quick but sadly yet mercifully we lost him yesterday x

Message me anytime if you like as it's a heart ache we both share right now - at least I no longer have the crushing worry about my lovely Dads well being every day now x

Hi Emily

I know your world so well - I have had that same limbo this last week, although I thought to myself that surely he wouldn't go that quick but sadly yet mercifully we lost him yesterday x

Message me anytime if you like as it's a heart ache we both share right now - at least I no longer have the crushing worry about my lovely Dads well being every day now x

Jules,

I'm so so sorry to hear about your dad.. may he rest in peace. And that is what he has now.. peace.

Thank you so much for your kind words too - your messages have really helped so far.

Thinking of you. x

I've decided to concentrate on the good times to come, my fella and I have a lot of travels booked next year and I look forward to those - it's really made me stop worrying about the trivialities and life and want to go and experience as much as I can. Cape Town awaits me in Feb and I like knowing my dad now has the freedom and health to be with me in spirit at the top of Table Mountain xx