A few people told me, "oh you look well". I used to walk away thinking, how should I look?  

I'm not going to suddenly change my appearance or the way I present myself for an illness.

How sad some people don’t think before they open their mouths. I ignored the comment but it made me feel bad for a long time. I hope you are recovering from all the treatments and are managing to get your life back on track. It’s not easy adjusting to what you have after the surgery and meds they put you on. I’m lucky that I have a very supportive husband and am getting there, now a couple of years down the line. I don’t think folk can really appreciate the devastation of a cancer diagnosis unless they get one themselves - and I wouldn’t wish it on them. Best wishes 

KiwiWife

Most people say well done I have never had negative reactions at all

No one has ever accused me of being brave. When it comes to danger, I'm firmly in the hide under the table until it goes away category. 

But the one that annoys me is "More men die WITH prostate cancer than FROM prostate cancer".

Given the option I prefer to die WITHOUT, thank you.  In fact, I prefer not to die at all, if that could be arranged. ;)

DBird has hit the nail on the head as far as I'm concerned.

The problem with the media & charities showing cancer patients as frail, without hair, being sick is that those of us who have cancer but don't look like that get treated suspiciously by people - 'Oh, you can't have cancer' or 'You can't have proper cancer because you don't look ill.' They think all cancer treatment involves one's hair falling out & if you have a good head of hair you must be lying!

'War' and 'battle' are indeed the wrong choice of words. Everyone has their own fight on their hands & everyone has to deal with it alone - with the help of clinicians, treatments, family, friends, fellow cancer patients etc but at the end of the day you do it alone & it's the biggest & hardest fight you will ever have to undertake. I don't consider myself brave, I just deal with it in a way that works for me & I find supporting other cancer patients helps me get through my personal struggles. The kindest thing anyone has said to me was from a good friend of many years. Her husband suddenly became ill with a heart complaint & had been waiting what felt like an eternity for major heart surgery. When I offered her help & support she said I was an inspiration to her, the way I've dealt with cancer throughout the years, and that it's helped her deal with her husband's failing health. I had never thought about myself that way before & I was touched by her words. 

As for friends/colleagues giving useless 'advice' like DBird mentioned - I would willingly help you punch them in the face for their tactless arrogance. You can't fix stupid!

Hi everyone

I had rectal cancer just over a year ago and I had to have a permanent colostomy bag. What gets me is when people say “oh I know a few people with a bag and they’re getting on great.”

i know they probably mean well but it gets to me sometimes

or the most irritating: “but you look so well”