Grief can be overwhelming and completely swamp us within it. You are still there, though, as you always were, and you will refind yourself as you work through this awful sadness and loss. In the meantime you may feel trapped by these feelings and at those times it is not unusual to think of how to find a way out. That's what the brain does when we are trapped. Please recognise your feelings as bereavement and loss and believe that you will find your way through that maze and also refind yourself. In the meantime, there is support available, please Google NHS IAPT to self refer for therapy or contact a bereavement charity or your GP. And be patient with yourself because what you are working through is very, very hard. 

Hi. My wife passed away on Thursday after a horrible cancer battle over the past 6 months and to be honest I have thought exactly the same as you, what's the point now. Life will never be the same again, I can't cope, I don't want to be here. I have a twin boy and girl who are also being extremely stoical as they don't want to add extra upset to me but inadvertently they are as I am really concerned about their state of mind etc. I guess the reason I am writing beyond your loss is to say I went through a period in my early 20s of serious self harm. I had major issues with my parents etc but through counselling etc I managed to get to the other side. Years on I am glad I am still here as at least I have something in the seriously dark times to focus on....my kids. I 100% understand the thoughts in your head as even saying what I have I could go backwards and go down a dark path again but there simply is nothing to be gained from that. After each 'event' the next day I felt even worse so I would say seek out the right person to talk to as self harm / thoughts of it are understandable but you can overcome them. Ultimately all you will be doing is piling on the pain to your partner and your kids. It's very hard not to be selfish when you feel at your lowest but if you have love and children make the most of it. Best wishes and stay safe. James

Thanks for your message. Yes thats how i feel trapped. I'm no good for anyone, i dont want them to worry about me either, but i cant snap out of it. People, like my partner want me to go for walks etc with them and i do sometimes, but then i dont want them to see me cry when they bring my brother up. And then sometimes i just want to stay in bed but then i feel bad for not wanting to go anywhere with people.  I want to sleep but hate trying to drop off and then i dream of my brother and wake crying. And the guilt of going on with my life tears me up inside, because my brother should be here enjoying it too. 

Hi

Thankyou,I just feel dead inside. I am trying to get out and about, because i like to stay in but then i dont want to stay in. My partner has been taking me and my children out. And theyve been wonderful i just feel unmotivated. I think i may have to speak to my G.P when i feel i can. I cant speak about my feelings without crying and i dont want them to just throw tablets at me. Thanks for your advice. Xx

Im so sorry for your loss. Thank you for your message.  I dont mean to feel this way as i feel bad that i should be focusing on my loving family and theyre the only thing stopping me from doing anything when i feel like i really dont care sometimes, as selfish and horrible as it sounds. My chest hurts all the time. If i didnt know what a broken heart feels like, i do now xxx

Hello again Maria21, 

It's completely understandable that you are feeling so down. It has all been so traumatic for you and it can be hard to be carrying on as normal - all this is still so raw. But you are being so brave and doing the right thing in trying to get out and about and your partner seems lovely taking you and the kids out. You may feel sometimes you are forcing yourself and you don't feel like going out for example but it will do you some good if you can to be with your family and spend time with your little ones.  

I definitely think you should speak to your GP as soon as you feel that you can and the earlier, the better I would say. Don't worry about the fact that you may end up crying when you speak about your feelings. The doctor will be used to this and will not force you to take tablets or anything if you don't want to and there are other things they could offer like grief counselling for example. I have also found this page on the NHS website which is about grief after bereavement or loss and the type of support that may be available to you. I think a little chat with your GP would not do any harm and if you feel the need to cry, your doctor I am sure will be very sympathetic so you needn't worry about that. So whenever you feel ready or have managed to summon up the courage to take that important first step and I know it is no easy thing to do, get in touch with your GP and don't hesitate to talk freely about how you've been feeling. They will I am sure be able to point you in the right direction. 

I will now let our other members who have experienced a similar type of bereavement chat to you and share their stories as they have done already. They will know better than anyone how hard it can be for you at the moment and it helps a little to know you're not alone. Keep strong, we're all here for you!

Lucie