Hello Gary

My heart goes out to you for your loss. It's my belief that the sort of emotional pain you are feeling is much worse than any physical pain. We can go to a doctor with the latter but not, sadly, the former but know, please know, that the pain you are feeling now will not last forever. The level of that pain equates I think to the level of the love you have for your wife and that love won't ever go away but the agony will. The love will become something warm & gentle & you will have it forever no matter what happens in the future. There will come a day, truly there will, when all the horrible events you have described will become a shadow barely thought about and all there will be is love & the lovely memories; the sunshine she brought to your life. That's where the hope lies. Not today, not tomorrow but perhaps sooner than you think. You just need time. Cry as much as you need to. Scream & shout at the universe until you are tired of doing it & you will get tired of it & then there will be a day when for a few minutes you'll forget (not your wife but the grief). Then there'll be an hour; half a day and so on & the time will pass more quickly than you think it possibly could. 

You asked if someone could give you hope. Time is hope. Allow yourself some of it & know although things won't be the same, they will be well. xxx

Thank you so much and for taking the time to reply.

Hi Gary, 

I also lost my partner of 15 years 12 weeks ago tomorrow, to pancreatic cancer with liver metastasis and synchronous lung cancer which had spread to his other lung no symptoms at all until jaundice at the end of March 

I know the pain your going through and have no words of wisdom to Offer as I continue to struggle daily he died 12 weeks after diagnosis in my arms at home where he wanted to be reading some of the stories we were lucky to have 12 weeks however they were 12 weeks of constant anxiety and pain at knowing that our time was limited however we did get to say all we needed too. I looked after him for the 12 weeks and the only comfort I get is that in his last 2 breaths he opened his eyes and smiled at me so I know he was happy wherever his journey was taking him 
just to say really your not alone

Ohh Gary I feel your pain

I lost my husband 6 weeks ago & the pain & sadness in my body is just unbelievable I just cannot get it in my head that he's left me. The thought of not seeing him for days, weeks, months & years is overwhelming. 
 

We had the all clear & then bang within a month of hearing this it came back with a vengeance. It's absolutely rubbish. 
 

I hope it gets easier, gosh I hope so. I've had to go back to work, I do the best I can there, can't wait to get home & then when I'm home I hate it with a passion. 
Garry stick on here I chat to a chap called Racey1 on 'struggling' whose lost his wife too always join our chat, we've always got something to say whether we are feeling lower than a snakes belly or just coped that day. 
 

Be kind to yourself,  grief is exhausting & we are all surviving in this awful time. 
Have you any close family nearby? 
Always give me a nudge if you want to chat even if it's just a 1 liner saying how you're feeling ~ hang in there x

Your not going on at all can fully understand your feelings and dispair my heart aches for my lovely gorgeous partner Ian 

thinking of you and others in this position x

Hi Babyem

im so sorry that's really cruel getting the all clear then it coming back so quickly I can't imagine how you must have felt. As you say I can't believe I'll never see her again at the moment I'm in what I call hospital mode where I'm used to her being away for a week or two so it kind feels like that's where she is untill reality kicks in and it destroys me everytime my phone pings I momentarily think it's her texting me, I'm lucky I have my children and great friends but I'm still struggling so badly.

There's no easy get out for any of us victims of cancer and everyone's journey is different but thank you for replying to my post and I genuinely hope you find peace and yourself in a better place real soon 

Gary

Thanks Keli

take care x

Hi Gary, There are no words to describe how horrific it is to lose your soul mate. I lost my husband 14 months ago to cancer and i still cry and find it hard to move on. Take one day at a time, and cry don't hold it back. This site does help too, talking to people who feel your pain.

Always here to chat and help. Take care

Debbiex 

Thank you Debbie It's horrible that there are so many of us in this situation x