Hello Gary

My heart goes out to you for your loss. It's my belief that the sort of emotional pain you are feeling is much worse than any physical pain. We can go to a doctor with the latter but not, sadly, the former but know, please know, that the pain you are feeling now will not last forever. The level of that pain equates I think to the level of the love you have for your wife and that love won't ever go away but the agony will. The love will become something warm & gentle & you will have it forever no matter what happens in the future. There will come a day, truly there will, when all the horrible events you have described will become a shadow barely thought about and all there will be is love & the lovely memories; the sunshine she brought to your life. That's where the hope lies. Not today, not tomorrow but perhaps sooner than you think. You just need time. Cry as much as you need to. Scream & shout at the universe until you are tired of doing it & you will get tired of it & then there will be a day when for a few minutes you'll forget (not your wife but the grief). Then there'll be an hour; half a day and so on & the time will pass more quickly than you think it possibly could. 

You asked if someone could give you hope. Time is hope. Allow yourself some of it & know although things won't be the same, they will be well. xxx

Thank you so much and for taking the time to reply.

Thank you so much and for taking the time to reply.