I'm so sorry to hear this it's heartbreaking and can never be easy to deal with.

the fact that they didn't investigate sooner is ridiculous.

I have been having weight loss and back pain with dodgy stools and the gp told me it was a bug but I'm determined to get to the bottom of it with scans and tests.

like you said im glad he didn't suffer and you need to remember the good times and you did all you could with the information you had.

feel free to message me anytime. again I'm so sorry for your loss.

Hi [@Danni89]‍ 

Sadly you're not alone and there are many people on here who have an idea of how you're feeling right now. I lost my Mum suddenly to cancer this year too. 6 weeks before she died she found a lump on her neck but otherwise felt fine. She went to see her doctor anyway who didn't seem that concerned as my Mum had recently been treated for an ear infection and the lump was on the same side near the ear where the infection had been. Mum was referred for a biopsy just to be safe and she had to wait 5 weeks for this. She was fine over those 5 weeks but a couple of days before her biopsy appointment she began feeling very breathless and she therefore had her bloods taken as well as a scan and biopsy at her hospital appointment. We found out the next day she had advanced, aggressive lung cancer which had spread to her lymph nodes and she died 3 days later. It was a massive shock and I can relate to the shock you're no doubt feeling also.

I'm no stranger to cancer, 3 of my grandparents died from cancer but they were all ill for a while and gradually deteriorated. I've never known of cancer to advance so quickly and so silently. It's terrifying and I too am broken by it.

Is 89 your year of birth? If so you're the same age as I am and it feels so young to lose a parent. I don't have any friends who know how it feels and it can be really alienating. This forum has been a life saver for me; it's been comforting talking to others who can empathise with how I'm feeling.

I'm happy to chat more if you feel that would be helpful.

Look after yourself xx

Hi Danni 

I am so sorry for your loss and how you are feeling. My mum passed away suddenly and I was there when she went as well. It's not something you easily forget is it. What I would say is how amazing it is we were able to be there with them to ease their way on. I'm sure your dad would have been so comforted by the simple fact you were there with him. 

It is a huge shock to the system but what I've found has helped me is by thinking of things like that, and trying to remember them mostly when they were well. My mum spent 70 years of her life relatively healthy so there are lots of lovely memories to choose from. It will take time adjusting to them not being there so please be kind and patient with yourself too. 

Good luck x 

HI [@Danni89]‍ 

I'm very sorry to hear about your father. My mum also died of pancreatic cancer in March, so I understand your situation. Mum had been having various vague symptoms such as lower back pain, late onset diabetes, fainting episodes etc for a few years, but time and time again nothing specific was picked up by the G.P, and well, mum was a very stoic person anyway.

In February, she stopped eating and had tremendous stomach pains, the doctor said it was a urine infection and four days later after three ambulance call-outs, she was taken to hospital. After a week of tests, she was diagnosed with inoperable terminal pancreatic cancer that had spread to the stomach. She died about 4 weeks after that and was in severe pain for the last week of her life as the hospital could not control the pain.

You are not alone. Take care.