I know what you're saying...i lost my husband 14 months ago to the horror of cancer, he was only 44 and not ready to go, i have to raise our two girls alone now, and it's not easy. I miss lots of the little stuff...'in' jokes, that only we understood. The comfortableness of hanging out with someone who knew you so well and you didn't have to pretend with, the memories you'd made together that now noone else remembers...it must be similar for you too as you were so close to your Dad. It often feels like there's not much left to live for, certainly i feel 'the sun never shines so bright again', it feels like there's a cloud over everything. My girls have made me carry on and get through, the only ones i can talk openly to about him and know they feel the loss sorely too. Life is NEVER going to be the same for us is it, and I don't know if i will ever get joy out of this 'new' life again, certainly not like i did, it sucks!!!

It must be unbelievably challenging for you. It sounds as if you had an amazing relationship with your husband. I don't want to sound bitter or angry or resentful because (as others in this thread have pointed out) that doesn't help, but I do feel that it's just dreadful that you should have had to go through something like this.

I'm glad you have your girls, though. They sound like a gift from the gods.

The kids certainly help to drag you out of that sinking feeling..they live very much in the present. But i am becoming more and more aware that they will not be around forever ,  they have their own lives to live (and my eldest makes it clear she can't wait!). We were looking forward to 'our' time again when the kids were grown...i am sad that will never happen. I am sad about so many things, our whole future life has had to be rewritten. And it's all cancers fault ,  i hate it! The people i am most comfortable around now are those who have also lost someone close (doesn't seem to matter who, they 'get it' when so many of my friends don't. Counselors have their place to get thoughts in order, but i don't really feel they 'get it', have they lost? I don't know, they don't talk about themselves but i suspect most haven't,  i need to be around others that have, whether its online like this or in person,  we are each others best support thru these dark days i think

I lost my wife three months ago, not cancer related but I've been reading this forum and it's all I've really found  that's relative to my situation.

I hope you don't mind me being here, it's getting no easier for me at the moment, in fact it's gotten harder.

I do have great people around me for which I'm really grateful and without them I'd be a lot worse but the pain and the loneliness is sometimes so unbearable that I don't know what to do.

Everything has totally changed and I don't know how to live anymore.

All the normal things that you have to do in everyday life feels so different without my wife doing it with me.

That's without not having her near and being able to talk to her and hold her and feel her.

No more hearing her voice and her laugh or seeing her eyes and her beautiful face and smile, the reassurance of her just being there.

Sorry for intruding on here but I'm really lost at the minute.

I understand what yous are going through and I hope you can find some peace and happiness through all this.

Take care. 

I lost my wife three months ago, not cancer related but I've been reading this forum and it's all I've really found  that's relative to my situation.

I hope you don't mind me being here, it's getting no easier for me at the moment, in fact it's gotten harder.

I do have great people around me for which I'm really grateful and without them I'd be a lot worse but the pain and the loneliness is sometimes so unbearable that I don't know what to do.

Everything has totally changed and I don't know how to live anymore.

All the normal things that you have to do in everyday life feels so different without my wife doing it with me.

That's without not having her near and being able to talk to her and hold her and feel her.

No more hearing her voice and her laugh or seeing her eyes and her beautiful face and smile, the reassurance of her just being there.

Sorry for intruding on here but I'm really lost at the minute.

I understand what yous are going through and I hope you can find some peace and happiness through all this.

Take care. 

Hi, there are lots of us on here who sadly feel your pain, and we are often lost among our usual friends,  most of mine i just don't see anymore,  our lives are too different now...when he was first diagnosed I remember thinking "i wonder how long it will take me to get over this", now I've realized i never will....just learn to live with it and eventually i guess try and make a different life for myself.  For now i take one day at a time, focus on what the kids need mainly, and hope by the time they are grown i will be ready to live a new life for my own sake, but i can't imagine it, and don't want to, alot of things just seem so pointless now... if you're on Facebook there are some good private groups you can join for widows and widowers,  I've found then good support and great place to vent! They are people who definitely get us and how we feel unlike most people out there!

Hi there,

I hope you don't mind my replying to your message - I know you were replying to plebbs (not me), but I couldn't help responding to you because I (believe I) can understand what you're going through. At least I feel I can put myself in your shoes.

I know the feeling of things getting worse not better. That's how I feel too, at times. Not being to see my dad, hear my dad, and feel my dad (I used to cuddle him a lot) is utterly devastating. So I can imagine how it feels for you not to have your wife - such a shock to the system, such a loss, such an enormous void in your life. When you say, "I'm really lost at the minute" that resonates with me because I've felt totally lost for the last 18 months too (since my dad died).

I'm so sorry that the loneliness (sometimes) feels so unbearable you don't know what to do. If i had a solution, I would give it to you. But I don't because I often feel that the loss of my father is utterly unbearable as well.

I'm glad you feel you've got some great people around you who at least help a tiny bit. I'm wishing you strength to get through this horrendous period. It sounds like you had a wonderful relationship with your wife (one that I hope I can have one day).

I suppose I have always been a spiritual person and honestly the word soulmate wouldn't exist if there wasn't such thing as a soul

Yes once the person has left this physical life they're gone but they are always with you and you will meet again

If there wasn't so many near death experience stories and evidence of this honestly I feel like I could snap and end up sectioned

Consider this life we are living as a trial run, and the next life as pure peace and happiness with the ones who we truly love

Life is just so strange complicated and sad and being able to speak to people like this just takes the edge off the madness

Hi there yes I agree, we all get each other no one understands unless they have been through what we have been through. I feel that you have to be a new you which is really hard.  It been 1 yr and 9 months since my husband passed away and still doesn’t feel that long ago .  People do not realise how fresh it still is and that you think about them everyday and the pain never goes away you just put on a brave face and deal with life! At my work I just hide my unhappiness behind my mask .  It is like you say day by day. I try to find comfort in being by myself with my amazing dog , I try not to put pressure on myself too. X

Yes our lives are changed FOREVER,  and others don't get that,  they very quickly move back into their regular routines and forget all about us. We can't do that ,  our 'regular routines' are no longer there! And the things they used to sort out...at the moment i have something he wired up in the bathroom for the hot water gone bung, flat tyre on daughters bike, trees overgrown and need chopping...all things he would've just sorted! not to mention the lawns need doing AGAIN! I'm struggling to keep up with it all and raise two kids alone now with no help anywhere..only good thing is i don't have much time to think about me and my sadness.....

It's very isolating 

my mums still here fighting we find out how long tomorrow can only be positive as possible but it's terminal

no one could ever understand unless they were in our situation 

it's beyond words but it's comforting to know we're all in this together as sad as it is, it's unconditional love and we've all been blessed to experience that

not sure how ill cope when she's gone from this "world" but being spiritual helps a lot - my dad is very old fashioned and says we're all dying each day which in a way as horrible as it is helps!! No day is guaranteed we just have to be thankful for what we have in the moment

Fingers crossed for tomorrow for you all. Its so hard to hear but remember the prediction can be wrong either side so cherish every moment ask questions you want to ask video moments and take photos this will help after a little anyways.

I'm not spitual but I believe my Dads give me signs I took comfort I hope it was signs xx

Yes sadly it is true that we are ALL terminal,  it is just a matter of when! Makes you realize you need to make each day matter. I think one thing most of us would change if we could was how much time we spent with the person...i think of all the times i popped to the shops when i probably could've managed...up late on the computer researching cancer when i could of been in bed cuddling him....time is what that really don't have and one of the only ways we can really help them is to give them as much as we can xx