I know what you're saying...i lost my husband 14 months ago to the horror of cancer, he was only 44 and not ready to go, i have to raise our two girls alone now, and it's not easy. I miss lots of the little stuff...'in' jokes, that only we understood. The comfortableness of hanging out with someone who knew you so well and you didn't have to pretend with, the memories you'd made together that now noone else remembers...it must be similar for you too as you were so close to your Dad. It often feels like there's not much left to live for, certainly i feel 'the sun never shines so bright again', it feels like there's a cloud over everything. My girls have made me carry on and get through, the only ones i can talk openly to about him and know they feel the loss sorely too. Life is NEVER going to be the same for us is it, and I don't know if i will ever get joy out of this 'new' life again, certainly not like i did, it sucks!!!

It must be unbelievably challenging for you. It sounds as if you had an amazing relationship with your husband. I don't want to sound bitter or angry or resentful because (as others in this thread have pointed out) that doesn't help, but I do feel that it's just dreadful that you should have had to go through something like this.

I'm glad you have your girls, though. They sound like a gift from the gods.

The kids certainly help to drag you out of that sinking feeling..they live very much in the present. But i am becoming more and more aware that they will not be around forever ,  they have their own lives to live (and my eldest makes it clear she can't wait!). We were looking forward to 'our' time again when the kids were grown...i am sad that will never happen. I am sad about so many things, our whole future life has had to be rewritten. And it's all cancers fault ,  i hate it! The people i am most comfortable around now are those who have also lost someone close (doesn't seem to matter who, they 'get it' when so many of my friends don't. Counselors have their place to get thoughts in order, but i don't really feel they 'get it', have they lost? I don't know, they don't talk about themselves but i suspect most haven't,  i need to be around others that have, whether its online like this or in person,  we are each others best support thru these dark days i think

I lost my wife three months ago, not cancer related but I've been reading this forum and it's all I've really found  that's relative to my situation.

I hope you don't mind me being here, it's getting no easier for me at the moment, in fact it's gotten harder.

I do have great people around me for which I'm really grateful and without them I'd be a lot worse but the pain and the loneliness is sometimes so unbearable that I don't know what to do.

Everything has totally changed and I don't know how to live anymore.

All the normal things that you have to do in everyday life feels so different without my wife doing it with me.

That's without not having her near and being able to talk to her and hold her and feel her.

No more hearing her voice and her laugh or seeing her eyes and her beautiful face and smile, the reassurance of her just being there.

Sorry for intruding on here but I'm really lost at the minute.

I understand what yous are going through and I hope you can find some peace and happiness through all this.

Take care. 

I really feel for you. It must feel as if you've been robbed - robbed of your life partner, robbed of the next stage of your life (or at least the one that you were looking forward to), robbed of the future you were planning for. I'm so sorry. 

I also understand (or at least I think I do) why you feel most comfortable around people wo have also lost someone close. Sadly, I find that even people who have lost their own family members don't always get it, simply because either (a) they assume that I must be feeling exactly the way they feel/felt, or (b) they weren't that close to the person they lost. Part of the reason I post on here is that I'm looking for people who feel, as I do, that they've lost their entire world. These people - people wo are as utterly devastated as I am - can identify with what I'm feeling and that helps a little bit.

Anyway, I'm glad your kids help to lift you up, even if it's only a little. Anything is better than nothing.

Hi, there are lots of us on here who sadly feel your pain, and we are often lost among our usual friends,  most of mine i just don't see anymore,  our lives are too different now...when he was first diagnosed I remember thinking "i wonder how long it will take me to get over this", now I've realized i never will....just learn to live with it and eventually i guess try and make a different life for myself.  For now i take one day at a time, focus on what the kids need mainly, and hope by the time they are grown i will be ready to live a new life for my own sake, but i can't imagine it, and don't want to, alot of things just seem so pointless now... if you're on Facebook there are some good private groups you can join for widows and widowers,  I've found then good support and great place to vent! They are people who definitely get us and how we feel unlike most people out there!

Hi there,

I hope you don't mind my replying to your message - I know you were replying to plebbs (not me), but I couldn't help responding to you because I (believe I) can understand what you're going through. At least I feel I can put myself in your shoes.

I know the feeling of things getting worse not better. That's how I feel too, at times. Not being to see my dad, hear my dad, and feel my dad (I used to cuddle him a lot) is utterly devastating. So I can imagine how it feels for you not to have your wife - such a shock to the system, such a loss, such an enormous void in your life. When you say, "I'm really lost at the minute" that resonates with me because I've felt totally lost for the last 18 months too (since my dad died).

I'm so sorry that the loneliness (sometimes) feels so unbearable you don't know what to do. If i had a solution, I would give it to you. But I don't because I often feel that the loss of my father is utterly unbearable as well.

I'm glad you feel you've got some great people around you who at least help a tiny bit. I'm wishing you strength to get through this horrendous period. It sounds like you had a wonderful relationship with your wife (one that I hope I can have one day).

Hi there,

I hope you don't mind my replying to your message - I know you were replying to plebbs (not me), but I couldn't help responding to you because I (believe I) can understand what you're going through. At least I feel I can put myself in your shoes.

I know the feeling of things getting worse not better. That's how I feel too, at times. Not being to see my dad, hear my dad, and feel my dad (I used to cuddle him a lot) is utterly devastating. So I can imagine how it feels for you not to have your wife - such a shock to the system, such a loss, such an enormous void in your life. When you say, "I'm really lost at the minute" that resonates with me because I've felt totally lost for the last 18 months too (since my dad died).

I'm so sorry that the loneliness (sometimes) feels so unbearable you don't know what to do. If i had a solution, I would give it to you. But I don't because I often feel that the loss of my father is utterly unbearable as well.

I'm glad you feel you've got some great people around you who at least help a tiny bit. I'm wishing you strength to get through this horrendous period. It sounds like you had a wonderful relationship with your wife (one that I hope I can have one day).