Hello cantmoveon

I'm sorry to read your post and hear that you're still struggling with the loss of your Dad. It sounds like it was an incredibly difficult period that you went through and it continues to impact your life on a daily basis. 

Although most of us expect our parents to die before us, many adults are surprised by the complexity and depth of grief when a parent dies. If they died unexpectedly or while younger this can be very difficult to cope with. For many people, the death of a parent is a significant loss. It changes many aspects of their lives and feelings may be complicated. 

You mention in this post that following your father's death you became severely depressed. I'm unsure if you've ever spoken with your GP about how you're feeling or sought any type of counselling support to help you deal with the thoughts and feelings that came about after he died. 

Even this far on it's never too late to seek bereavement counselling. It may be the first step in helping to improve things and for you to be able to move on. I'd encourage you to talk to your GP about your situation and to have a look at the Cruse website as well. 

I hope that this helps in some small way. 

Best wishes, 
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator 

Thank you Jenn for your kind post, that's the sort of thing I was looking for when I posted, I guess that's why you are a moderator :happy:

Well it's hard to come to the realisation you will probably go through 3/4 of your entire life without one parent and when my mum dies probably 1/2 my life alone, it seems pointless since the only reason I'm here is because of them-they wanted this life not me. Children only exist because of their parents. 

I've never had counselling or anything I've thought about it but never gone for it. I know I should as no one else wants to know, and at least a counsellor gets paid to listen to you.

Carol-"life is not easy" is about the biggest understatement of the century, I never expected life to be easy, I do expect to not have to go through or watch someone go through horrific pain and suffering, and if that isn't possible then my parents shouldn't have brought me here.

His death has made me stronger in some ways, not having children and going against the masses is not an easy decision and I may not have much to be proud of in life but I'm incredibly proud of that decision to stop the cycle of suffering right here. I've also never taken drugs or drank, most people struggle through life with the help of addictions because most people find life incredibly hard and I don't blame them.

It's funny all this talk these days of mental health issues and getting people to open up and then when they do people don't understand AT ALL. We are truly alone in life. 

Thank you Jenn for your kind post, that's the sort of thing I was looking for when I posted, I guess that's why you are a moderator :happy:

Well it's hard to come to the realisation you will probably go through 3/4 of your entire life without one parent and when my mum dies probably 1/2 my life alone, it seems pointless since the only reason I'm here is because of them-they wanted this life not me. Children only exist because of their parents. 

I've never had counselling or anything I've thought about it but never gone for it. I know I should as no one else wants to know, and at least a counsellor gets paid to listen to you.

Carol-"life is not easy" is about the biggest understatement of the century, I never expected life to be easy, I do expect to not have to go through or watch someone go through horrific pain and suffering, and if that isn't possible then my parents shouldn't have brought me here.

His death has made me stronger in some ways, not having children and going against the masses is not an easy decision and I may not have much to be proud of in life but I'm incredibly proud of that decision to stop the cycle of suffering right here. I've also never taken drugs or drank, most people struggle through life with the help of addictions because most people find life incredibly hard and I don't blame them.

It's funny all this talk these days of mental health issues and getting people to open up and then when they do people don't understand AT ALL. We are truly alone in life. 

You have so much negativity in your post, even blaming parents for having you, you're responsible for your own life and those decisions are yours, no one else's.  I have seen my husband go through a lot of pain and hurt as he has incurable lung cancer so if I was sad and self concerned for me, not him that would be my choice but I put  him and family first.  You've chosen to live a lonely life and that's your own way of dealing with things.  Jenn is right you obviously need some guidance and yes she is sympathetic because that his her role on this forum. I'm more forthright as I'm just a woman dealing with cancer on a daily basis.  I hope you get the help you need.  Carol 

Hi

My best friend from my school days died almost 4 years ago now.  She never lived to celebrate her 60th birthday with her family.  Cancer took her quite quickly.  She had been married three times, the last marriage being happy.  There were 3 children in total.  Two were from her marriage to her first husband and she had a son from her marriage to her third husband.. He was in his final.year of University when his mum died.  Her husband was in his early 70's and I could not believe it when within 6 months he told me that he had bladder cancer! He was dead within a few months and that young man became an orphan.  So you see it does happen even worse than you experienced.  The son's response was to start running marathons to raise money for cancer research.  I just wanted to say to you that it may be that you are experiencing clinical depression and I would be wanting to encourage you to think about seeing your GP.

Hi cantmoveon, I usually just float on these forums but felt compelled to reply to you after reading one of the replies. You came on here, like most of us do, to ease the pain we feel at losing someone dear to us, and I felt sad that you did that, only to receive what I thought was quite a judgy and uncaring response saying that you have a lot of negativity in your post!

You lost your dad to an agonising disease and it sounds to me as if you have PTSD, and you are trapped in a cycle of grief and loss. I don't think it's at all surprising that your post is 'negative'! Most of us come on here to vent and release the intense grief we are feeling, and hope to receive some level of understanding and support.

Hopefully, in time, you will find ways to cope with the loss you've experienced, cantmoveon (and the fear of losing your mum which I think comes through from reading between the lines), especially if you do go ahead and have some counselling, and then I hope you will feel more at ease with life.

I agree that life is not easy, and that there is lots of suffering, but I also think there is a way forward, but you probably do need help in dealing with the PTSD so that it's not the focus. Wishing you lots of strength and love from here x