My dear Mum: 3 days from diagnosis to death

I don't really know how to express how I feel right now, I'm still in a state of disbelief that I could lose my mum so suddenly. Apart from a swelling on her neck that caused her not to sleep so well (and prompted a hospital appointment to see what it was) she seemed fit and well. She then began feeling breathless, had scans on Tuesday at the hospital, was told by her doctor the next day that the scans found a mass in her chest that was likely cancer and then she died on Saturday. Only 3 days later. I really thought she would be ok. I convinced myself that because she had began feeling poorly for only a short time that we had caught the cancer early and she would be ok. She died of cardiac tamponade, fluid had built up around her heart as a result of the cancer. We are still waiting on definite answers but were told at the hospital following her death that it's very likely she had a very aggressive form of lung cancer and prognosis would have been poor but I keep thinking if we had only just got her to hospital sooner she would still be with us. She was only 68 and full of life. It's hard to come to terms with her not being with us any longer. I'm 32 and have now lost both my parents.

Has anyone had experience with a sudden death from cancer like this? I'm just struggling to believe it's possible but know this disease is cruel and unfair.

  • Hi Dexter123, 

    Firstly, I am so so very sorry to hear of your mother's quick passing. 

    I lost my mum on the 5th October 2021 aged 58, just a little over 3 weeks from being diagnosed with gallbladder and liver cancer to passing away. I still do not understand how someone can rapidly deteriorate in such a short space of time. This is my first personal experience with cancer and it is absolutely horrendous to see how it destroys a person. If you were to look at my mum a few weeks before she was taken into hospital you would think she was in fine health - we have videos of her bouncing around with her grandchildren. I feel absolutely robbed of the time I got with her, but I'd just like to send my deepest condolences to you, losing anyone to cancer is truly awful, but 3 days ... I just don't know how I could move on from that. 
    I hope you're managing ok, please know you aren't alone! 

  • I'm so sorry about your tragic loss . A similar situation with me , my husband was diagnosed with liver and stomach cancer 6 days before he passed away. It was such a shock as he was only 41 and was working right up untill 2 weeks before he died. Me and my daughter were in shock and were having panic attacks and his death didn't really hit me for about a month as I was in so much shock !!! This happened in august 2019 and I am now coming to terms with it and I find that I am not crying every day although I'm always thinking about him and he's often in my dreams , your not alone my love so many of us lose our loved ones so fast and tragically it has taugh me a powerful lesson tho ... I embrace every day and live my life and am grateful to be alive and I don't argue with anyone and I show all my love to my family that are alive because we just don't know when it will be our time to go , sending you lots of healing thoughts and prayers 

  • Hi. I'm 22 and I lost my mam when I was 17.. she was 46 and had triple negative breast cancer at 44.. she got the all clear and it had came back (which we didn't know and she had been fobbed off, repeatedly going to DRs but nothing got found) she took ill one day really bad and we went to A&E. they did a scan not thinking anything bad.. the results came back and cancer had spread all over her body, it was terminal. She died 3 weeks later July 6th 2016, I totally understand how you feel. I still feel anger in me that further tests etc had not been took out knowing my mam had TNBC 2 years previous.. it's a cruel disease. X

  • Hi  so sorry to hear about the loss of your mum, I too recently lost my mum who was only 65 years old. We lost her to lung cancer she was fit and healthy and only went to the drs over a cough but the cancer was too advanced. Although her diagnosis was 4 years ago and we lost her 14th November 2021, she was too young to die, she was still a Foster carer up till her death which Was so heartbreaking I get so angry sometimes at how cruel life can be. 

    I too still find it so difficult to come to terms xx 

    Xx Laura

     

  • Sorry to hear about everyone's losses on here.  I am just coming up to to 3 months from losing my soulmate to this horrible disease.  My Danielle (38 years old) seemed perfectly healthy, loving life with each other and the kids and then she started to feel unwell in September 2021.  


    We went for a CT and biopsy of a mass that was found on her bowl and we were told on the 7th October 2021 she was terminal.  This rare and aggressive cancer had spread to every organ in her abdomen and the only option was to prolong life through chemotherapy straight away.

     

    Sadly, we didn't get to make the first appointment, as the love of my life passed away in my arms only 5 days after diagnosis (12th October 2021).  Seeing Danielle take her final breaths was the hardest thing I've ever done.  I only hope that holding her In that moment, she knew I was still there with her and she was loved very much.


    I'm utterly devistated and struggling to hold everything together but I must for my daughter and Danielle's kids.  Not hearing her voice or feeling her touch, especially in the evenings when everything is quiet is tough.  I have good friends and family offering support but I find that I could be in a room with 100's caring people and still feel utterly alone.

     

    Life just seems to be so cruel and I will never understand why, why my Danielle...