I'm so sorry to hear this I lost my dad on the 15th of May he was diagnosed with tumours on his bowel they said it was treatable but he never fully recovered from the operation. This covid thing has made everything a living nightmare we didn't get to see him while he was in hospital and he only managed to come home for a week before he was back in again. We didn't get to spend our last moments with him due to him having covid. I just can't get it out of my mind it's his funeral tomorrow and I'm dreading it I'll don't think I'll ever come to terms with not having my dad in my life my heart goes out to you. Wish I could offer you some comfort but I'm the same myselfxx

I'm so so sorry to hear about your Dad, it's absolutely heartbreaking and even though it's been nearly 5 months since my Dad passes away it only feels like yesterday. Covid has made everything so much harder for everyone and not being able to be there is utterly horrendous. I really wish there was something that I could say that would make it better or easier, but there really isn't - just take things one day at a time. 
I was absolutely dreading my Dads funeral, but on the day it wasn't as bad (bad is the wrong word, but I'm sure you know what I mean) as I was expecting it to be. It didn't really feel real for me - and it didn't for quite a while after - if I'm honest, some days it still doesn't seem real. It's like a nightmare that you can't wake up from. 
My Dad spent so long in hospital last year on his own and thinking about that is awful, but I m ow he'd say that I shouldn't think about it as there was nothing that anyone could have done to change that. Your Dad would have known that you wanted to be there but couldn't. He would have known just how much you love him. 
I hope tomorrow goes ok and you have lots of support around you. 
I'm here if you want to chat. Xx

I'm so so sorry to hear about your Dad, it's absolutely heartbreaking and even though it's been nearly 5 months since my Dad passes away it only feels like yesterday. Covid has made everything so much harder for everyone and not being able to be there is utterly horrendous. I really wish there was something that I could say that would make it better or easier, but there really isn't - just take things one day at a time. 
I was absolutely dreading my Dads funeral, but on the day it wasn't as bad (bad is the wrong word, but I'm sure you know what I mean) as I was expecting it to be. It didn't really feel real for me - and it didn't for quite a while after - if I'm honest, some days it still doesn't seem real. It's like a nightmare that you can't wake up from. 
My Dad spent so long in hospital last year on his own and thinking about that is awful, but I m ow he'd say that I shouldn't think about it as there was nothing that anyone could have done to change that. Your Dad would have known that you wanted to be there but couldn't. He would have known just how much you love him. 
I hope tomorrow goes ok and you have lots of support around you. 
I'm here if you want to chat. Xx

Thank you for your reply you are right the covid thing has been horrible we had to watch him pass away on face time it was one of the worst things I've had to go through we just felt helpless not being there. Up until dad's diagnosis he was a relatively fit 65 year old always out walking the dog. Sometimes we wish hed never had the op at all but I suppose it's all what ifs and maybes after someone dies isn't it. I'm back in work for a day on Friday to break myself back into it but just feel like nothing has a purpose anymore and everything just feels really insignificant I'm sure you can relate. I'm so sorry you are going through this too I'm going to try my best to stay strong and hopefully get through the day as best I can. Let's hope we can finally one day come to terms with whats happened it's just so hard to get through each day sdometimes isn't it. Sending you lots of love x