I had my Dads funeral on Friday - almost a month after he passed away from Pancreatic Cancer and I'm not really sure what to do. If you'd said to me a year ago that my Dad wouldn't be here now I would never have believed you. He seemed fit and healthy and was only 69 then - but the last year has been horrendous with ups and downs of hope after his successful operation and then downs after two awful reactions to chemo. We thought he was cancer free and then everything just started to go wrong and on New Years Eve I got a call from the Dr to say there was nothing more they could do. Heartbroken doesn't even cover it. Dad came home on the 6th January and I looked after him right to the end with family. I was there at the end holding his hand and I'd had the time to say everything I wanted to - but no amount of time would have been enough. I'm 37 and lost my Mum 11 years ago. Dad was absolutely everything to me and I feel so lost without him. I thought the funeral might make me feel a little more at peace with it, but I feel so much worse - like it's over and I'm supposed to carry on. I've got 2 sons 5 and under so I'm busy but I just feel so overwhelmed with everything
