I'm sorry for your loss and your dad must be horrible it's a cancer again cancer sucks cancer take my wife she is 39-year-old and a two-year-old boy she died the 22nd of December last year it's after the funeral I found hard but you say the children they keep you busy for me I kind of feel like I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do now anyway I'm here if you want to talk

Thank you so much for your reply Sophie. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss too. The last year really does feel like a nightmare that I just can't wake up from. 
I thought I might feel a bit better (although I'm not sure I'll ever feel better, but I'm sure you know what I mean) after the funeral -  but I think I'd melt myself so busy organising that and writing the words I was going to say, that I didn't really think about what would happen after. It feels as though that was the last chance to do something for my Dad and now I just have nothing and people will expect me to move on and be ok. 
I feel like I did the day that we heard there was no more they could do for him - that punch in the stomach feeling when you know that things won't be the same again. 
 

It is so ironic that this is when we'd turn to them for support isn't it. For a tiny split second today I forgot and thought - oh Sid better text Dad and then you get that feeling all over again. 
I know I'll have better days - I just need to take today as not one of those days and see what tomorrow brings I guess. 
 

Family are telling me to be strong - but I've no idea how to be. 
 

I really do appreciate you replying - I know it's hard to talk about it - but it's nice to talk to someone who understands. 
 

I hope you have people to support you on your Dads birthday as (even if hugs are pretty limited at the moment) - every anniversary feels tough doesn't it. 
look after yourself and thank you again 

Hi Chris, thank you so much for your reply - I'm so so sorry for your loss. It's so hard and I can't even imagine the pain your in losing your wife. 
I completely get the -  I idea what I should do now feeling - I really have no idea. I can't carry on with normal life as normal life isn't here anymore. It's so hard isn't it. 
I hope you have friends and family to support you too

Hello thanks for your post yes I've got friends and family with me most of the time like being by myself with the boys walking in the woods All the things are used to do with mummy I completely understand what you're saying about normal life my normal is over now and that's a sad cancer ruined my life and my children and took my wife! Hope the funeral goes as well as it can do

Thanks Chris. 
It's great you've got them there when you need them, but also get that you'd want to be on your own with your boys. I hope it starts to feel a bit lighter over time. I guess it's just one day at a time - such a cliche but one day feels about all I can do at the moment. Looking forward into the future is just too much - so just one step forward at a time 

I'm so sorry to hear this I lost my dad on the 15th of May he was diagnosed with tumours on his bowel they said it was treatable but he never fully recovered from the operation. This covid thing has made everything a living nightmare we didn't get to see him while he was in hospital and he only managed to come home for a week before he was back in again. We didn't get to spend our last moments with him due to him having covid. I just can't get it out of my mind it's his funeral tomorrow and I'm dreading it I'll don't think I'll ever come to terms with not having my dad in my life my heart goes out to you. Wish I could offer you some comfort but I'm the same myselfxx

I'm so so sorry to hear about your Dad, it's absolutely heartbreaking and even though it's been nearly 5 months since my Dad passes away it only feels like yesterday. Covid has made everything so much harder for everyone and not being able to be there is utterly horrendous. I really wish there was something that I could say that would make it better or easier, but there really isn't - just take things one day at a time. 
I was absolutely dreading my Dads funeral, but on the day it wasn't as bad (bad is the wrong word, but I'm sure you know what I mean) as I was expecting it to be. It didn't really feel real for me - and it didn't for quite a while after - if I'm honest, some days it still doesn't seem real. It's like a nightmare that you can't wake up from. 
My Dad spent so long in hospital last year on his own and thinking about that is awful, but I m ow he'd say that I shouldn't think about it as there was nothing that anyone could have done to change that. Your Dad would have known that you wanted to be there but couldn't. He would have known just how much you love him. 
I hope tomorrow goes ok and you have lots of support around you. 
I'm here if you want to chat. Xx

Thank you for your reply you are right the covid thing has been horrible we had to watch him pass away on face time it was one of the worst things I've had to go through we just felt helpless not being there. Up until dad's diagnosis he was a relatively fit 65 year old always out walking the dog. Sometimes we wish hed never had the op at all but I suppose it's all what ifs and maybes after someone dies isn't it. I'm back in work for a day on Friday to break myself back into it but just feel like nothing has a purpose anymore and everything just feels really insignificant I'm sure you can relate. I'm so sorry you are going through this too I'm going to try my best to stay strong and hopefully get through the day as best I can. Let's hope we can finally one day come to terms with whats happened it's just so hard to get through each day sdometimes isn't it. Sending you lots of love x

Hi . I am so sorry for you loss lv . I lost my Dad on September 2nd and its his funeral tomorrow.  Dad wanted to stay in his home and with the help of the pallative care team I managed to follow his wish . But it's the hardest thing I have ever been through.  Myself and my children were with him when he passed and we all got to say everything we wanted to say  to him and I'm thankful for that gift . I'm so scared about tomorrow.  I don't feel I have any strength left in me but I.ll find some from somewhere, for him . . We have to , don't we love . May your Dad R.I P .. xx

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