Hi 

I'm so sorry for your recent loss!

i lost my mother to cancer of unknown primary 27/11/18 I was only 18 years old. I felt so alone once this had happened as it happened so quickly and tragically. I found many ways of coping with my loss but talking about my grief to others who cooks relate to me really helped as they could understand my rollercoaster of emotions! 

hope you are doing okay

Gabriella x 
 

So nice to meet you Gabriella! I read your post and cried - no one should lose a mother so young. I am so sorry. 

Yes it does help me to talk here and I don't feel I have to hold anything back. The loneliness and emptiness is an awful thing to cope with. I lost my 'rock' and it's crushing.

Do you still have the rollercoaster? Are you coping better?

I am finding ways of coping but I fear that all I am doing is putting walls and barriers up to the emotions and I feel like my emotions are numbing. They are just as raw as ever when a wall cracks.

I think the more I cry the better as I am sure it needs to come out and there is alot to come out.

How was your week?

Rich xx

Hi Rich! 
i understand totally how you feel as my mum was my best friend and my rock too! 
my rollercoaster isn't as bad as it used to be as I am now in a happy relationship and I have sort of accepted like loss. My rollercoaster was more physical grief than emotional, I haven't grieved yet I don't think as I live in me and my mothers house so that keeps me occupied a lot of the time. I put lots of barriers up to begin with and never cried but I have found that when a wave of grief comes over me I try and stay busy and do things that me or my mum would enjoy doing together. Crying is the best thing sometimes and when I cry I listen to me and my mums favourite songs or look at pictures of us when I was little and it makes me feel closer to her so I feel more happy than sad. 
 

I have just finished my 10 day isolation so happy I can go on a walk now 

how has your week been?

Gabriella x 

How are you mate?  I'm not in a good place  I woke up this morning and it was snowing me/ kids happy look mummy made it snow!  I was even happy but as soon as we went out to play I noticed mum and dads with there kids! That hurt  we all knew someone was missed mummy loved the snow' now I'm back at the beging  and asking why her why so young?  I am in a bad place 

We have to keep distracting our minds somehow mate - now I'm sort of able to look away when it comes on bad. It is said 'time' heals but I think time is just about building walls - walls around the pain.

I think I'm running 'avoidance' more and more.

It's always there though - sort of staring.

As soon as it comes on bad try to distract your mind otherwise it's going to be hell.

Keep going please mate  xx

Just had a smoke in the garden and cried

Hi Gabriella! So glad that you are in a happy relationship - that's something to be really cherished.

When you talk about putting barriers up that's exactly what I am doing now and crying less - although to be honest I am getting light headaches now since this is happening. When i cry it also brings some relief. I am worried that i am becoming a bit emotionless - the consequence of not fully grieving.

I am avoiding everything that reminds of Rossella now - to give myself a break but I know that is not the best way. 

So I think you are right - we have to cry as much as we have to. It has to come out. I think by holding it in I am just going to make myself sick.

Music really sets it off.

That's basically how my week has been.

Now I am crying again.

Happy you can go out for walks again - that is really important.

Take care of yourself and cherish all the love you receive.

Rich xx

How's it going this morning mate? Just been crying a bit.

I'm not good I've not been eating  been really sick I've got to try soup  or something. My body wants to do all its normal stuff  like going to the toilet there is just nothing left in me   And it huy like hell! Just wish the wife was here  I'm doing the same as you hiding away from her at the moment x

I understand mate ..... I've just been for a long walk but it's useless trying to get away from it - it creeps up on you. Life is utterly meaningless without her. I wish I had spent every second with her - precious seconds. Will never be the same. I am recreating Rossella everywhere. 

I think I have to keep letting the grief out - can't keep looking away anymore. We have to feel our way through this until we find our own answers.

Just got to stop beating myself up - i just feel so unworthy and feel guilty to even think about the possibility of enjoying my life again. Oh man it's all so screwed up.

Try to keep yourself up for the kids - children are so perceptive and pure in heart.

Keep talking mate - get it all out.

Xx

Are you okay mate sorry for long time in replying just had a crap crap day everything you say is true I feel just the same I'm so messed up

Yeah I know what you mean - not a great day for me either.

If I wasn't able to switch off a bit I would be thinking about Rossella every second - 1 month today

Xx

Yeah I know what you mean - not a great day for me either.

If I wasn't able to switch off a bit I would be thinking about Rossella every second - 1 month today

Xx