I lost my wife to cancer recently and I have never felt so alone. I am experiencing all kinds of extreme emotions from grief to guilt. I really want to connect and talk to others who have been through this terrible period.
i lost my mother to cancer of unknown primary 27/11/18 I was only 18 years old. I felt so alone once this had happened as it happened so quickly and tragically. I found many ways of coping with my loss but talking about my grief to others who cooks relate to me really helped as they could understand my rollercoaster of emotions!
So nice to meet you Gabriella! I read your post and cried - no one should lose a mother so young. I am so sorry.
Yes it does help me to talk here and I don't feel I have to hold anything back. The loneliness and emptiness is an awful thing to cope with. I lost my 'rock' and it's crushing.
Do you still have the rollercoaster? Are you coping better?
I am finding ways of coping but I fear that all I am doing is putting walls and barriers up to the emotions and I feel like my emotions are numbing. They are just as raw as ever when a wall cracks.
I think the more I cry the better as I am sure it needs to come out and there is alot to come out.
It was one month yesterday since I wife died and there is a part of me that believes she is going to come through the front door soon It feels like I've done one month I've got over 40 years to go and I've just done one lousy month. I went to the beach again today with the boys we threw stones in the sea and we were speaking to mummy I just hope she could hear me I really don't think I can do this I loved her so much maybe I should say I love her so much because I still love her just want everything the way it used to be I can't make it go away no matter how I try
Mate I'm sure in your heart you no the truth on all that that to me is easy to answer here's my take on that
I lost patience my wife to all the time her arm was in pain I moaned at her for not walking very fast but deep down I know she was hiding me from the truth her arm was hurting her more than she was ever telling me that's a fact and the way she went on for life was amazing so to me it didn't matter if sheonly had one arm I remember telling you that my son made it up because I was taking ages walking to the shop for ice cream so we went without her came back with the ice creams we bought an ice cream for her to I guess I should've just let her come to but I did expect her to die no way! not being there you were at work all family s need money and back then you were living together happy is you could do
not being there you were with her till the end you did amazing! Not saving her how could you be honest on that one mate xx
Hi Rich! i understand totally how you feel as my mum was my best friend and my rock too! my rollercoaster isn't as bad as it used to be as I am now in a happy relationship and I have sort of accepted like loss. My rollercoaster was more physical grief than emotional, I haven't grieved yet I don't think as I live in me and my mothers house so that keeps me occupied a lot of the time. I put lots of barriers up to begin with and never cried but I have found that when a wave of grief comes over me I try and stay busy and do things that me or my mum would enjoy doing together. Crying is the best thing sometimes and when I cry I listen to me and my mums favourite songs or look at pictures of us when I was little and it makes me feel closer to her so I feel more happy than sad.
I have just finished my 10 day isolation so happy I can go on a walk now
How are you mate? I'm not in a good place I woke up this morning and it was snowing me/ kids happy look mummy made it snow! I was even happy but as soon as we went out to play I noticed mum and dads with there kids! That hurt we all knew someone was missed mummy loved the snow' now I'm back at the beging and asking why her why so young? I am in a bad place
How are you mate? I'm not in a good place I woke up this morning and it was snowing me/ kids happy look mummy made it snow! I was even happy but as soon as we went out to play I noticed mum and dads with there kids! That hurt we all knew someone was missed mummy loved the snow' now I'm back at the beging and asking why her why so young? I am in a bad place
We have to keep distracting our minds somehow mate - now I'm sort of able to look away when it comes on bad. It is said 'time' heals but I think time is just about building walls - walls around the pain.
I think I'm running 'avoidance' more and more.
It's always there though - sort of staring.
As soon as it comes on bad try to distract your mind otherwise it's going to be hell.
I'm not good I've not been eating been really sick I've got to try soup or something. My body wants to do all its normal stuff like going to the toilet there is just nothing left in me And it huy like hell! Just wish the wife was here I'm doing the same as you hiding away from her at the moment x
I understand mate ..... I've just been for a long walk but it's useless trying to get away from it - it creeps up on you. Life is utterly meaningless without her. I wish I had spent every second with her - precious seconds. Will never be the same. I am recreating Rossella everywhere.
I think I have to keep letting the grief out - can't keep looking away anymore. We have to feel our way through this until we find our own answers.
Just got to stop beating myself up - i just feel so unworthy and feel guilty to even think about the possibility of enjoying my life again. Oh man it's all so screwed up.
Try to keep yourself up for the kids - children are so perceptive and pure in heart.
Hi mate the truth is I'm getting worse a lot worse I don't think I'll ever be able to understand why my wife was taken from me? I know that she had cancer and cancer killed her but I'm finding very hard to get my head around it i'm broken x
It's so hard - I mean trying to get your head around it. I do that all the time and I know it doesn't help me at all - I replay all the decisions we made and the paths we took. Would another path have saved her life? It's like russian roulette this cancer thing. If we had gone another way maybe Rossella would have passed several years ago or maybe cancer free.
As to why she was taken - who knows? That's probably for Rossella to discover and something I will not find the answer to. The main comfort is in knowing that it was only her body that was taken - just her physical manifestation in this world.
I just can't understand why it is taking so long to find a cure? A worldwide coordinated effort like with Covid can surely come up with solutions. It kills more than Covid.
We have 20 years of memories together and I am the one to keep those memories alive somehow someway.
You and your children will keep your wife alive and if you really take care of yourself and the children she will be so very very happy.
