I lost my wife to cancer recently and I have never felt so alone. I am experiencing all kinds of extreme emotions from grief to guilt. I really want to connect and talk to others who have been through this terrible period.
i lost my mother to cancer of unknown primary 27/11/18 I was only 18 years old. I felt so alone once this had happened as it happened so quickly and tragically. I found many ways of coping with my loss but talking about my grief to others who cooks relate to me really helped as they could understand my rollercoaster of emotions!
So nice to meet you Gabriella! I read your post and cried - no one should lose a mother so young. I am so sorry.
Yes it does help me to talk here and I don't feel I have to hold anything back. The loneliness and emptiness is an awful thing to cope with. I lost my 'rock' and it's crushing.
Do you still have the rollercoaster? Are you coping better?
I am finding ways of coping but I fear that all I am doing is putting walls and barriers up to the emotions and I feel like my emotions are numbing. They are just as raw as ever when a wall cracks.
I think the more I cry the better as I am sure it needs to come out and there is alot to come out.
Of course I understand you and I had a terrible morning. I am beginning to realize that my only way out of this is to forgive myself - somehow to forgive myself to free myself from the past. Then maybe I will stop beating myself up.
It was one month yesterday since I wife died and there is a part of me that believes she is going to come through the front door soon It feels like I've done one month I've got over 40 years to go and I've just done one lousy month. I went to the beach again today with the boys we threw stones in the sea and we were speaking to mummy I just hope she could hear me I really don't think I can do this I loved her so much maybe I should say I love her so much because I still love her just want everything the way it used to be I can't make it go away no matter how I try
Mate I'm sure in your heart you no the truth on all that that to me is easy to answer here's my take on that
I lost patience my wife to all the time her arm was in pain I moaned at her for not walking very fast but deep down I know she was hiding me from the truth her arm was hurting her more than she was ever telling me that's a fact and the way she went on for life was amazing so to me it didn't matter if sheonly had one arm I remember telling you that my son made it up because I was taking ages walking to the shop for ice cream so we went without her came back with the ice creams we bought an ice cream for her to I guess I should've just let her come to but I did expect her to die no way! not being there you were at work all family s need money and back then you were living together happy is you could do
not being there you were with her till the end you did amazing! Not saving her how could you be honest on that one mate xx
Hi Rich! i understand totally how you feel as my mum was my best friend and my rock too! my rollercoaster isn't as bad as it used to be as I am now in a happy relationship and I have sort of accepted like loss. My rollercoaster was more physical grief than emotional, I haven't grieved yet I don't think as I live in me and my mothers house so that keeps me occupied a lot of the time. I put lots of barriers up to begin with and never cried but I have found that when a wave of grief comes over me I try and stay busy and do things that me or my mum would enjoy doing together. Crying is the best thing sometimes and when I cry I listen to me and my mums favourite songs or look at pictures of us when I was little and it makes me feel closer to her so I feel more happy than sad.
I have just finished my 10 day isolation so happy I can go on a walk now
Hi Rich! i understand totally how you feel as my mum was my best friend and my rock too! my rollercoaster isn't as bad as it used to be as I am now in a happy relationship and I have sort of accepted like loss. My rollercoaster was more physical grief than emotional, I haven't grieved yet I don't think as I live in me and my mothers house so that keeps me occupied a lot of the time. I put lots of barriers up to begin with and never cried but I have found that when a wave of grief comes over me I try and stay busy and do things that me or my mum would enjoy doing together. Crying is the best thing sometimes and when I cry I listen to me and my mums favourite songs or look at pictures of us when I was little and it makes me feel closer to her so I feel more happy than sad.
I have just finished my 10 day isolation so happy I can go on a walk now
Hi Gabriella! So glad that you are in a happy relationship - that's something to be really cherished.
When you talk about putting barriers up that's exactly what I am doing now and crying less - although to be honest I am getting light headaches now since this is happening. When i cry it also brings some relief. I am worried that i am becoming a bit emotionless - the consequence of not fully grieving.
I am avoiding everything that reminds of Rossella now - to give myself a break but I know that is not the best way.
So I think you are right - we have to cry as much as we have to. It has to come out. I think by holding it in I am just going to make myself sick.
Music really sets it off.
That's basically how my week has been.
Now I am crying again.
Happy you can go out for walks again - that is really important.
Take care of yourself and cherish all the love you receive.
