Hi 

I'm so sorry for your recent loss!

i lost my mother to cancer of unknown primary 27/11/18 I was only 18 years old. I felt so alone once this had happened as it happened so quickly and tragically. I found many ways of coping with my loss but talking about my grief to others who cooks relate to me really helped as they could understand my rollercoaster of emotions! 

hope you are doing okay

Gabriella x 
 

So nice to meet you Gabriella! I read your post and cried - no one should lose a mother so young. I am so sorry. 

Yes it does help me to talk here and I don't feel I have to hold anything back. The loneliness and emptiness is an awful thing to cope with. I lost my 'rock' and it's crushing.

Do you still have the rollercoaster? Are you coping better?

I am finding ways of coping but I fear that all I am doing is putting walls and barriers up to the emotions and I feel like my emotions are numbing. They are just as raw as ever when a wall cracks.

I think the more I cry the better as I am sure it needs to come out and there is alot to come out.

How was your week?

Rich xx

Hey mate! Just keep talking to her and telling her how much you love her. I am sure an answer will come .....

For me I want forgiveness ....

Take care  xx

 Why forgiveness mate?  You were great !

Forgive myself for the times I lost patience; the times I should have been there; for giving up; for not protecting and saving her.

Mate  I'm sure in your heart you no the truth on all that  that to me is easy to answer here's my take on that 

I lost patience my wife to all the time her arm was in pain I moaned at her for not walking very fast but deep down I know she was hiding me from the truth her arm was hurting her more than she was ever telling me that's a fact and the way she went on for life was amazing  so to me it didn't matter if sheonly had one arm I remember telling you that my son made it up because I was taking ages walking to the shop for ice cream so we went without her came back with the ice creams we bought an ice cream for her to I guess I should've just let her come to but I did expect her to die no way! 
not being there you were at work all family s need money and back then  you were living together happy is you could do 

not being there you were with her till the end  you did amazing! Not saving her how could you be honest on that one mate  xx

Yes I need to stop this - it'll drive me insane

Don't worry mate that's what I'm here for   I love talking  

Thanks mate  xx

Hi Rich! 
i understand totally how you feel as my mum was my best friend and my rock too! 
my rollercoaster isn't as bad as it used to be as I am now in a happy relationship and I have sort of accepted like loss. My rollercoaster was more physical grief than emotional, I haven't grieved yet I don't think as I live in me and my mothers house so that keeps me occupied a lot of the time. I put lots of barriers up to begin with and never cried but I have found that when a wave of grief comes over me I try and stay busy and do things that me or my mum would enjoy doing together. Crying is the best thing sometimes and when I cry I listen to me and my mums favourite songs or look at pictures of us when I was little and it makes me feel closer to her so I feel more happy than sad. 
 

I have just finished my 10 day isolation so happy I can go on a walk now 

how has your week been?

Gabriella x 

How are you mate?  I'm not in a good place  I woke up this morning and it was snowing me/ kids happy look mummy made it snow!  I was even happy but as soon as we went out to play I noticed mum and dads with there kids! That hurt  we all knew someone was missed mummy loved the snow' now I'm back at the beging  and asking why her why so young?  I am in a bad place 

We have to keep distracting our minds somehow mate - now I'm sort of able to look away when it comes on bad. It is said 'time' heals but I think time is just about building walls - walls around the pain.

I think I'm running 'avoidance' more and more.

It's always there though - sort of staring.

As soon as it comes on bad try to distract your mind otherwise it's going to be hell.

Keep going please mate  xx

We have to keep distracting our minds somehow mate - now I'm sort of able to look away when it comes on bad. It is said 'time' heals but I think time is just about building walls - walls around the pain.

I think I'm running 'avoidance' more and more.

It's always there though - sort of staring.

As soon as it comes on bad try to distract your mind otherwise it's going to be hell.

Keep going please mate  xx