I lost my wife to cancer recently and I have never felt so alone. I am experiencing all kinds of extreme emotions from grief to guilt. I really want to connect and talk to others who have been through this terrible period.
i lost my mother to cancer of unknown primary 27/11/18 I was only 18 years old. I felt so alone once this had happened as it happened so quickly and tragically. I found many ways of coping with my loss but talking about my grief to others who cooks relate to me really helped as they could understand my rollercoaster of emotions!
So nice to meet you Gabriella! I read your post and cried - no one should lose a mother so young. I am so sorry.
Yes it does help me to talk here and I don't feel I have to hold anything back. The loneliness and emptiness is an awful thing to cope with. I lost my 'rock' and it's crushing.
Do you still have the rollercoaster? Are you coping better?
I am finding ways of coping but I fear that all I am doing is putting walls and barriers up to the emotions and I feel like my emotions are numbing. They are just as raw as ever when a wall cracks.
I think the more I cry the better as I am sure it needs to come out and there is alot to come out.
Of course I understand you and I had a terrible morning. I am beginning to realize that my only way out of this is to forgive myself - somehow to forgive myself to free myself from the past. Then maybe I will stop beating myself up.
It was one month yesterday since I wife died and there is a part of me that believes she is going to come through the front door soon It feels like I've done one month I've got over 40 years to go and I've just done one lousy month. I went to the beach again today with the boys we threw stones in the sea and we were speaking to mummy I just hope she could hear me I really don't think I can do this I loved her so much maybe I should say I love her so much because I still love her just want everything the way it used to be I can't make it go away no matter how I try
Mate I'm sure in your heart you no the truth on all that that to me is easy to answer here's my take on that
I lost patience my wife to all the time her arm was in pain I moaned at her for not walking very fast but deep down I know she was hiding me from the truth her arm was hurting her more than she was ever telling me that's a fact and the way she went on for life was amazing so to me it didn't matter if sheonly had one arm I remember telling you that my son made it up because I was taking ages walking to the shop for ice cream so we went without her came back with the ice creams we bought an ice cream for her to I guess I should've just let her come to but I did expect her to die no way! not being there you were at work all family s need money and back then you were living together happy is you could do
not being there you were with her till the end you did amazing! Not saving her how could you be honest on that one mate xx
How are you mate? I'm not in a good place I woke up this morning and it was snowing me/ kids happy look mummy made it snow! I was even happy but as soon as we went out to play I noticed mum and dads with there kids! That hurt we all knew someone was missed mummy loved the snow' now I'm back at the beging and asking why her why so young? I am in a bad place
We have to keep distracting our minds somehow mate - now I'm sort of able to look away when it comes on bad. It is said 'time' heals but I think time is just about building walls - walls around the pain.
I think I'm running 'avoidance' more and more.
It's always there though - sort of staring.
As soon as it comes on bad try to distract your mind otherwise it's going to be hell.
I'm not good I've not been eating been really sick I've got to try soup or something. My body wants to do all its normal stuff like going to the toilet there is just nothing left in me And it huy like hell! Just wish the wife was here I'm doing the same as you hiding away from her at the moment x
I understand mate ..... I've just been for a long walk but it's useless trying to get away from it - it creeps up on you. Life is utterly meaningless without her. I wish I had spent every second with her - precious seconds. Will never be the same. I am recreating Rossella everywhere.
I think I have to keep letting the grief out - can't keep looking away anymore. We have to feel our way through this until we find our own answers.
Just got to stop beating myself up - i just feel so unworthy and feel guilty to even think about the possibility of enjoying my life again. Oh man it's all so screwed up.
Try to keep yourself up for the kids - children are so perceptive and pure in heart.
