Sorry for your loss

I lost my fiancé 5 weeks after diagnosis of metastatic pancreatic cancer, he was 37. 
 

Talking does help while it makes me upset initially I feel better for it. 
 

it might be nice to get some memory bears made using your wife's clothing for the children? It's something I plan to do, I've ordered a key ring for me and his mum with his handwriting on from birthday cards he sent me. 
 

memory jars sound lovely print off pictures of her favourite perfume would be nice. 

Hello thank you very much for having the time  to read my message and just send me a text I'm also sorry for your loss memory bears Sounds a good idea like the sound of that! It's so hard To grieve and look after the boys I just have to do my best and hope my wife is Proud of everything I'm doing  even if that all it seems to be is crying at the moment . I know it's a really stupid question but are you coping okay it's so hard to loose your lover best friend your everything so fast  that's what I'm struggling on with at The moment  x

 What a great taste in music! We were much the same my wife loved so much music   All kinds  from the80s one hit wonder to  to AC/DC  then drum and bace (I hate)  but bonjovi was our favourite- music sometimes help me then I fall again and again I'm sure it's the same for you  hope you're  having an ok evening  are leave you to it 

Hope your ok 

Yes it's been abit of a down day, struggled to get out of bed, somehow have managed to hurt my neck so I'm sitting with a heat pad on it. 
 

I did take the rubbish out though so small victory. 
 

hope you have been ok.

Sorry to hear about your neck that sucks!we all have down days  my day was crap way to much crying went to  my local graveyard and cryed even more how can  all this be happening to me  I'm a good person 

I know and im positive your wife was a good person too and that she did not deserve any of this. 
lewis would always see those stand up to cancer adverts that say one in two of us will have cancer in our lifetimes, he would always say I hope it's me then I've taken it so you will be fine that was the way he saw it. 
 

I'm going to have to meet Lewis mum and her husband and the funeral place next week and I'm dreading it, I don't know what's going to happen and it just makes it so real I mean I know he's gone but that's he's really really gone.  I hate being alone but I really don't want any company right now. 

Thank you yes she was a great person and so are you and Lewis! Lewis sounds so much like my wife in so many ways  keeping strong for us! I feel the same  about sorting out the funeral it makes it more and more real I completely understand. I seem to be a real mess today 

Yes I find I have a good day with no tears (yesterday) and then today tears staying in bed poor appetite, headaches and neck aches!
Hopefully better tomorrow, my brother in law is having a cocktail making evening (a well chosen Christmas present from me and Lewis) and seeing his side of the family. 

Have fun I feel better when I'm with my wife side of the  family 

Had a better day today had a lovely dream I'm sure it was my wife saying be strong I will all love you so I went to the beach to pick up shells like mummy used to do then once and home had to sort out pics for the funeral worst  job yet so now I'm crying again silly me 

That's good, I've had no dreams of Lewis but I did have a robin at my lounge window this afternoon. I live in a first floor flat and I have bird feeders on the windows it's only the past couple of weeks I've noticed a robin. 

I've made a start taking the Christmas decorations down. 

That's good, I've had no dreams of Lewis but I did have a robin at my lounge window this afternoon. I live in a first floor flat and I have bird feeders on the windows it's only the past couple of weeks I've noticed a robin. 

I've made a start taking the Christmas decorations down. 

That was my job for today  cryed all day I had a really bad day today  not going to get better any time soon   Glad you seen a robin  your dream will come  trust me you just want a new dream ever night like me and that dont happen  not yet anyway 

Yes I've been tearful too 

I'm going to try to get a gp appointment tomorrow hopefully for some sleeping tablets, I'm awake until like 3 in the morning and I'm so tired throughout the day I just can't be bothered to do anything. 
 

ive bought a couple of books someone recommended me, it's called the language of loss the lady said it helped her 

I got a book called life on the other side  to painful to read  I have tried  have to try again soon . I've been a little better at sleeping  but walk and walk all day as I feel I have to do something .good idea to see a doctor  as you have to look after yourself  even if we don't want to 

I've been reading Rio Ferdinands book good book for me  

Hope your felling a little better today? I'm ok just really bad in the morning s feels like a steam train as hit me! But I'm ok and I try to go on any way had  more discussions about the funeral today  felt like *** but strangely  Ok about it as it   We doing what she wants  I love that girl so much x just sent this to my self what a idiot

Hi hope you're feeling a little better today? I'm ok it's morning that do me in as soon as I wake up it's like a steem train hitting me all my emotions come flooding back I had to see the funeral  People again felt sh-t that's strangely good as I was doing one last thing for my wife 

Not too bad, it took a long time to get to sleep last night and set my alarm early to ring the drs about sleeping pills but I was tired so just fell back asleep for abit, I had a little dream about Lewis and it was actually really comforting. Then when I was making a cup of tea I saw the squirrel he would see running along the telephone wire and then a robin on my bird feeder. 

I set up a tribute page to Lewis on then pancreatic cancer UK site and put it on my Facebook, this morning I've woken up to nearly £800 in donations! This money could potentially save people by getting better tests and better knowledge so I'm really pleased. 
I will have to go to the funeral place this week too not sure what day yet, with the new lockdown I'm worried about that they might reduce the number of people at funerals but I have not found anything yet. 
 

Lewis got me a pandora bracelet for one of my birthdays I saw they had a guitar charm in the sale this year so I got it so it will be a memory of him every time I wear it. 
 

I had a crispy chicken wrap for dinner and made it a lewis special with a slice of burger cheese in it was very nice! 
 

hope your having a good evening 
 

I'm so pleased you had a dream  you needed that  as for seeing a robin again  that's great to infect everything you said is great  with the money  raised to beat cancer you go girl I'm happy for you. I feel the same about people allowed  in at funeral I'm so worried about it to

I've gone down right down in about 10 minutes I thought I was ok but now crying again  why did my wife get *** cancer  she always said why not me  I've lost all her strength again 

I'm having a bad night so far I'm going up and down like a yo-yo  at the mo I'm near the bottom I just wast to be with her is she ok  why did she have to get Brest cancer