Sorry for your loss

I lost my fiancé 5 weeks after diagnosis of metastatic pancreatic cancer, he was 37. 
 

Talking does help while it makes me upset initially I feel better for it. 
 

it might be nice to get some memory bears made using your wife's clothing for the children? It's something I plan to do, I've ordered a key ring for me and his mum with his handwriting on from birthday cards he sent me. 
 

memory jars sound lovely print off pictures of her favourite perfume would be nice. 

Hello thank you very much for having the time  to read my message and just send me a text I'm also sorry for your loss memory bears Sounds a good idea like the sound of that! It's so hard To grieve and look after the boys I just have to do my best and hope my wife is Proud of everything I'm doing  even if that all it seems to be is crying at the moment . I know it's a really stupid question but are you coping okay it's so hard to loose your lover best friend your everything so fast  that's what I'm struggling on with at The moment  x

I would just ask them about his symptoms what to expect etc,  medications they would use how they help, they would ask how I am coping family and stuff, today they asked how I was sleeping asking about funeral plans, I even talked to them about my sisters dog- she usually hates me and growls when I go near one of the kids but at Christmas she come over for a stroke and asked for tummy rubs which was most unusual I said I thought Lewis had been and had a word with her. 
 

im picking something for Lewis to wear too, I bought him a camouflage zipped hoody for Christmas which he really wanted so he is going to wear that with a nice t shirt and jeans. I won't see him in his clothes but I know he would want to look nice, I'm not planning the funeral I don't have the money to pay for anything so his family are so this is something I can do towards it. I'm sure you will find something she would like to wear there will be something in the wardrobe that she felt good wearing and was comfortable in. 

All done  like you said I went with everyday comfy Clothes  thing she would wear on a school run  and if she could walk through the front door now  I know this is what should be wearing  brown ankle boots/socks/bluejeans bright pink jumper and of course sexy underwear sound like you have chosen good stuff to x

Its a hard job choosing clothes but it sounds like you have picked well I'm sure she will be lovely and comfortable.

Thank you! What songs did Lewis like?  

Lewis loved ac/dc, Jimi Hendrix, pink floyd queen and more modern music like foo fighters, Bruno Mars Ed sheran. He always said he wanted a specific pink floyd song at his funeral, and I could not remember what it was called but when I played the albums for him in hospital I recognised the song. 
 

lewis was amazing he suffered hearing loss as a child had maybe 10% hearing in one ear and used a bone conduction hearing aid, a little box buzzed on his skull it sounds like a bad radio. However despite all this he was a brilliant musician he has several guitars and is able to play almost any instrument he touched! He tried to teach me but I was only able to be half decent at a couple of small bits of songs, smoke on the water and another one bites the dust. 
 

there's a funny story Lewis loved Whitney Houston he called her my Whitney and his favourite movie was the bodyguard I bought him a Whitney album for his birthday one year, his family did not know this about him so that made them chuckle thinking he was a rock and roll man. 

 What a great taste in music! We were much the same my wife loved so much music   All kinds  from the80s one hit wonder to  to AC/DC  then drum and bace (I hate)  but bonjovi was our favourite- music sometimes help me then I fall again and again I'm sure it's the same for you  hope you're  having an ok evening  are leave you to it 

Hope your ok 

Yes it's been abit of a down day, struggled to get out of bed, somehow have managed to hurt my neck so I'm sitting with a heat pad on it. 
 

I did take the rubbish out though so small victory. 
 

hope you have been ok.

Sorry to hear about your neck that sucks!we all have down days  my day was crap way to much crying went to  my local graveyard and cryed even more how can  all this be happening to me  I'm a good person 

I know and im positive your wife was a good person too and that she did not deserve any of this. 
lewis would always see those stand up to cancer adverts that say one in two of us will have cancer in our lifetimes, he would always say I hope it's me then I've taken it so you will be fine that was the way he saw it. 
 

I'm going to have to meet Lewis mum and her husband and the funeral place next week and I'm dreading it, I don't know what's going to happen and it just makes it so real I mean I know he's gone but that's he's really really gone.  I hate being alone but I really don't want any company right now. 

I know and im positive your wife was a good person too and that she did not deserve any of this. 
lewis would always see those stand up to cancer adverts that say one in two of us will have cancer in our lifetimes, he would always say I hope it's me then I've taken it so you will be fine that was the way he saw it. 
 

I'm going to have to meet Lewis mum and her husband and the funeral place next week and I'm dreading it, I don't know what's going to happen and it just makes it so real I mean I know he's gone but that's he's really really gone.  I hate being alone but I really don't want any company right now. 

Thank you yes she was a great person and so are you and Lewis! Lewis sounds so much like my wife in so many ways  keeping strong for us! I feel the same  about sorting out the funeral it makes it more and more real I completely understand. I seem to be a real mess today 

Yes I find I have a good day with no tears (yesterday) and then today tears staying in bed poor appetite, headaches and neck aches!
Hopefully better tomorrow, my brother in law is having a cocktail making evening (a well chosen Christmas present from me and Lewis) and seeing his side of the family. 

Have fun I feel better when I'm with my wife side of the  family 

Had a better day today had a lovely dream I'm sure it was my wife saying be strong I will all love you so I went to the beach to pick up shells like mummy used to do then once and home had to sort out pics for the funeral worst  job yet so now I'm crying again silly me 

That's good, I've had no dreams of Lewis but I did have a robin at my lounge window this afternoon. I live in a first floor flat and I have bird feeders on the windows it's only the past couple of weeks I've noticed a robin. 

I've made a start taking the Christmas decorations down. 

That was my job for today  cryed all day I had a really bad day today  not going to get better any time soon   Glad you seen a robin  your dream will come  trust me you just want a new dream ever night like me and that dont happen  not yet anyway 

Yes I've been tearful too 

I'm going to try to get a gp appointment tomorrow hopefully for some sleeping tablets, I'm awake until like 3 in the morning and I'm so tired throughout the day I just can't be bothered to do anything. 
 

ive bought a couple of books someone recommended me, it's called the language of loss the lady said it helped her 

I got a book called life on the other side  to painful to read  I have tried  have to try again soon . I've been a little better at sleeping  but walk and walk all day as I feel I have to do something .good idea to see a doctor  as you have to look after yourself  even if we don't want to 

I've been reading Rio Ferdinands book good book for me  

Hope your felling a little better today? I'm ok just really bad in the morning s feels like a steam train as hit me! But I'm ok and I try to go on any way had  more discussions about the funeral today  felt like *** but strangely  Ok about it as it   We doing what she wants  I love that girl so much x just sent this to my self what a idiot