My mum passed away last night. I am still in the turmoil of sorting everything out. Already fed up of relatives telling me how I feel and what I should be doing. I just feel lost. My mum was in so much pain and she was ready to go. She had had enough. I am relieved for her that she is out of pain. My life as it was is over. I have all sorts of emotions running through me. Relief that she is out of pain, guilt for silly arguments we had, fear of the future without her. I am on my own. I have a sibling and nephews and nieces but nobody 'gets' me like my mum. I was with her most of the time, especially in her last tough few weeks,  but I missed her last  twenty minutes as I was out of the room. I just got back for her last few breaths. I feel I let her down when she needed me the most and I can't bear to think of her alone and scared. I will never forgive myself for that.