Dear Juel1, I'm so sorry for the loss of your Mum, it's the worst pain ever.  My Mum died the 29th December a few years ago, she had dementia and cancer, so she was also in a terrible state and pain, like you I was relieved when it ended as you tend to prepare yourself for the worst.  I sat with her the night before she died, left to get some sleep and when I rang to visit her she had just passed away, I was bereft and basically lost the plot as I had seen her all the time.  It seems that parents do not want us to see them die, you will read the same scenario again and again.  My mother in law had lung cancer, my husband went for a cup of tea and she died whilst he was at the tea machine.  You will find your way through it all but Christmas makes it even harder as I know.  You grieve in your own way, unfortunately most people don't know what to say so it becomes platitudes, just say thank you and leave it at that, it's hard on you but they mean well.  I hope knowing that others have been through the same will help just a little bit.  Kind wishes, Carol x 

Hi Dor06,

Thank you for taking the time to reply, it really means a lot that you have taken the time. I am sorry that you have been in the same situation as me, and your husband too. I think you are right about parents choosing to go when they are alone. I tell myself that, but still feel guilty. I am glad though that my mum is out of pain. I miss her so much. I feel so strange, like I am not in the real world and when I talk to people it's like I am just saying what I think they want me to say, like it's not really me. Sorry for rambling! I haven't bothered with Christmas, another thing that feels odd. I hope you have a good Christmas in whichever way you choose to spend it. Thanks again xxxxx

Hi Dor06,

Thank you for taking the time to reply, it really means a lot that you have taken the time. I am sorry that you have been in the same situation as me, and your husband too. I think you are right about parents choosing to go when they are alone. I tell myself that, but still feel guilty. I am glad though that my mum is out of pain. I miss her so much. I feel so strange, like I am not in the real world and when I talk to people it's like I am just saying what I think they want me to say, like it's not really me. Sorry for rambling! I haven't bothered with Christmas, another thing that feels odd. I hope you have a good Christmas in whichever way you choose to spend it. Thanks again xxxxx