Hello Loubell. 

I'v just joined and came across your post as I'm going though losing my mum ( best friend) too. As I read each word on your post i sat here crying as I could feel your love, pain and lost in each word you posted. 

My mum is still here but she hasn't got long left. Each night I wake up crying, sweating and my heart feels it's going to come out of my chest as it all comes back to me that it isn't a nightmare it's real. I'm sorry I don't know how your mum passed away, mine had breast cancer which she was given the all clear at Xmas just gone then in Janurary she had a fit which later found out it had travelled to her brain. I was sat with her on her hospital bed and can still see the look on her face when the doctor just told her she has weeks to live. That was nearly 7 months ago. I don't think she has very long now as she's being sick, losing weight and now on morphine every 2 hours. I'v reach out to Marie curie which a lovely lady rings me each week and I just tell her How I'm feeling but spend most of the conversation just crying. 

I was so touch by your message as I feel the same way even tho she's still here shes not if that makes sense. My mum is my world and I just feel I have no one who can relate to the pain I'm going though untill I read your post. I'v properly not been very supportive in this post but as I'm sat here crying writing this post I just wanted to let you know your not alone. I feel the pain too :( 

Ohh Tall-gem i can feel all your pain too, it's exactly how i felt when my mum was ill, i felt like i'd lost her too already too even when she was still there if that makes sense. My mum had lung cancer, diagnosed feb 10th 2020 and gone 17th june 2020. I literally havn't eaten, slept properly or "lived" since the day she was diagnosed. You walk around and feel so on edge, you cant brethe, relax, or think about anything except your precious lovely mum. The shakeing is awful, and it's like waking up to a nightmare every single day. Your words are so supportive, and i can totally relate to the desperation, dread and and doom you must be feeling. Please message me anytime if i can be any help xxxx

Ohh Tall-gem i can feel all your pain too, it's exactly how i felt when my mum was ill, i felt like i'd lost her too already too even when she was still there if that makes sense. My mum had lung cancer, diagnosed feb 10th 2020 and gone 17th june 2020. I literally havn't eaten, slept properly or "lived" since the day she was diagnosed. You walk around and feel so on edge, you cant brethe, relax, or think about anything except your precious lovely mum. The shakeing is awful, and it's like waking up to a nightmare every single day. Your words are so supportive, and i can totally relate to the desperation, dread and and doom you must be feeling. Please message me anytime if i can be any help xxxx

Hi Lou.  Sorry to hear this.  It must be so hard.  Hope you can take comfort from all your lovely memories although its not the same.  You are normal to feel the way you do.  I'm sure your Mum would want to find a way of coping and to find ways of being happy so please don't give up,  she sounds like she was a lovely person so she would want you to live the best life you can, its ok to feel overwhelmed and so sad though but keep going, for her xx