I lost my husband in March.  We planned for funeral of 250+ and little by little it all got taken away. On the day (1st April - the joke was on me) it was just me and my son. And I had to drive us there and back again.  Two weeks after that, I began fighting for the survival of my business because of COVID.  There is loads of support advice out there for employees, but I cannot find any support networks for when you are the Boss and the business needs you to keep going.  My staff treat me like nothing has happened.  I haven't been hugged since he died, apart from my son. He is struggling mentally so I'm trying to be his rock.  But there are days when I want to scream for someone to acknowledge the sheer significance of my loss and what I am having to cope with.  And it is getting worse. The days are darker, longer and emptier.  I don't know how to keep going.  I want to harm myself just to feel a different kind of pain.  I drink during the evenings to fill the time.  I know I have to stop but it is like being at the bottom of a well and no one can hear you cry for help.