Hi Sarah, 

I've taken great comfort in reading your posts and you sound such a lovely warm and kind person.Im so very sorry to read about your dear mum, you really are such a wonderful daughter and can rest assure your mum still continues to be proud of you every day.
My dad has been given a couple of months to live as he's battling kidney cancer and I find reading the posts on the cancer forum gives me strength as I'm connecting with others who have been there too.

I can't imagine life without my dad, he's my world and we too are so close.Im trying to spend as much time with him as I can, making the most of what time he has left but it's so very hard.If you have any more advice or words of wisdom on how you coped please let me know.

Im a teacher too so I'm so very grateful of having this time to focus on my dad and spend time with my two children also.
One thing I wanted to ask was if because of the pandemic, how that effected arrangements for your mums funeral? Im worrying already about how many we will be able to have to celebrate dads life as he has so many friends that that in itself is a concern.
Thank you for listening, thank you for posting what you've done, it's helped me so much.

Saffron.

Hi Saffron,

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my post. I am truly sorry to hear what you are going through and my thoughts are with you and your family at this difficult time. 

If I can give you one piece of advice, it would be to spend precious time with your Dad and tell him everyday that you love him and remind him how happy he has made you throughout your life. There would be days when I would really struggle, but I always tried to make my Mum laugh. I would cry, but I always stood behind her, or popped out into the garden, as I didn't want to upset her. Her bravery and strength was beyond anything I have ever witnessed.

I never talked to her about the outcome of her illness. She was told in hospital with none of her family around her, which broke my heart more than anything. However, I knew as soon as we got Mum back, everyday I would remind her what a fantastic Mum she was. I looked after Mum at night. This was a peaceful time when I could explain to her that I would help her through the journey that she was on and there was nothing to be afraid of. This would be a really positive thing to do with your Dad and I'm sure would bring him comfort. 

As time moved on, I started to see changes in Mum. As a former auxiliary nurse (many years ago), I had nursed cancer patients and had sat with many as they left this world. I knew what signs to look for.

In the final two weeks, Mum's appetite changed and she was talking less, but I still continued to chat to her and tell her all the children's news. It is important to know that your loved ones can hear everything that you say, so always talk to them. It brings great comfort.

I wish I could take the pain away for you, as I know what you are facing. I was with my Mum at the very end of her life and I held her hand. I understand it's not something that everyone can do, but it really helped me and I felt it to be a great privilage. 

I dealt with organising for Mum to be taken to the chapel of rest. It was difficult, as she passed away at home. I found everyone to be incredibly kind and understanding. The day after the Mum passed away, I began to organise the funeral. I won't beat around the bush, it was the toughest thing I've ever had to do. 

You asked about funeral arrangements in these difficult times. On the night Mum passed, the undertakers gave me a booklet regarding arrangments in the county where I live. I found it to be incredibly helpful. As lockdown restrictions had eased, I was able to book the small chapel at my local cemetery and I contacted a celebrant to carry out Mum's funeral. She was amazing! Nothing was too much trouble and we worked together to ensure Mum's day would be perfect. We were only allowed 14 attendees and we had to abide by health and safety measures (wearing face masks in the chapel), but I can honestly say it was perfect and very intimate. I decorated the chapel with red roses and a photo of my Mum, showing her beautiful smile and blue eyes. This was important to me, as I wanted her grandchildren to remember how she was. The sun shone and everyone said it was lovely.

The road ahead will be tough at times, but try and focus on the here and now and talk about lovely memories with your Dad. He will enjoy recollecting and you will be surprised how many things you will learn. Make this time precious, but also make time for you and your children. You must look after yourself. We all do things differently and react in our own way to situations. There is no right or wrong way. There will be days when you feel overwhelmed and days when you will find strength you didn't know you possessed. 

I hope this has been of help to you. I truly feel your pain. Sending you a hug and here if you need a chat. 

Sarah xx

Hi Saffron,

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my post. I am truly sorry to hear what you are going through and my thoughts are with you and your family at this difficult time. 

If I can give you one piece of advice, it would be to spend precious time with your Dad and tell him everyday that you love him and remind him how happy he has made you throughout your life. There would be days when I would really struggle, but I always tried to make my Mum laugh. I would cry, but I always stood behind her, or popped out into the garden, as I didn't want to upset her. Her bravery and strength was beyond anything I have ever witnessed.

I never talked to her about the outcome of her illness. She was told in hospital with none of her family around her, which broke my heart more than anything. However, I knew as soon as we got Mum back, everyday I would remind her what a fantastic Mum she was. I looked after Mum at night. This was a peaceful time when I could explain to her that I would help her through the journey that she was on and there was nothing to be afraid of. This would be a really positive thing to do with your Dad and I'm sure would bring him comfort. 

As time moved on, I started to see changes in Mum. As a former auxiliary nurse (many years ago), I had nursed cancer patients and had sat with many as they left this world. I knew what signs to look for.

In the final two weeks, Mum's appetite changed and she was talking less, but I still continued to chat to her and tell her all the children's news. It is important to know that your loved ones can hear everything that you say, so always talk to them. It brings great comfort.

I wish I could take the pain away for you, as I know what you are facing. I was with my Mum at the very end of her life and I held her hand. I understand it's not something that everyone can do, but it really helped me and I felt it to be a great privilage. 

I dealt with organising for Mum to be taken to the chapel of rest. It was difficult, as she passed away at home. I found everyone to be incredibly kind and understanding. The day after the Mum passed away, I began to organise the funeral. I won't beat around the bush, it was the toughest thing I've ever had to do. 

You asked about funeral arrangements in these difficult times. On the night Mum passed, the undertakers gave me a booklet regarding arrangments in the county where I live. I found it to be incredibly helpful. As lockdown restrictions had eased, I was able to book the small chapel at my local cemetery and I contacted a celebrant to carry out Mum's funeral. She was amazing! Nothing was too much trouble and we worked together to ensure Mum's day would be perfect. We were only allowed 14 attendees and we had to abide by health and safety measures (wearing face masks in the chapel), but I can honestly say it was perfect and very intimate. I decorated the chapel with red roses and a photo of my Mum, showing her beautiful smile and blue eyes. This was important to me, as I wanted her grandchildren to remember how she was. The sun shone and everyone said it was lovely.

The road ahead will be tough at times, but try and focus on the here and now and talk about lovely memories with your Dad. He will enjoy recollecting and you will be surprised how many things you will learn. Make this time precious, but also make time for you and your children. You must look after yourself. We all do things differently and react in our own way to situations. There is no right or wrong way. There will be days when you feel overwhelmed and days when you will find strength you didn't know you possessed. 

I hope this has been of help to you. I truly feel your pain. Sending you a hug and here if you need a chat. 

Sarah xx