Coming to terms with losing Mum

On Sunday 12th July, my beautiful, courageous Mum lost her battle with brain cancer. She was being nursed at home by my Dad, myself and my brother and sister. A care team also came in throughout the day. We were fortunate enough to have her home and were able to spend precious time with her and tell her how much we loved her. Her passing was difficult, but we were all stood with her and I held her hand. I had always wanted to share a concert dvd with her when she was home, but I knew it would be too difficult, as  the songs would make me cry. When Mum was in her final hours we played it for her, so that she had a peaceful, calm environment and we dimmed the lights. 
I am truly heartbroken. My love for her was and is unconditional, She meant everything to me, I have kept myself busy the last two weeks, arranging Mum's funeral, which was yesterday. It went perfectly and the sun shone brightly ithrough the chapel window.

Everyone thinks that I am coping tremendously well, as I appear outwardly to be strong. I feel like I have been grieving since the day I was told of Mum's terminal diagnosis. My husband has told me to stay in bed all day today and rest. I know Mum would want me to carry on and live my life, but I honestly feel like part of me died two weeks ago too. I also lost my Grandma three years ago on the 13th July 2017. I knew Grandma would come for Mum. They were both the most inspirational women I have ever known. I'm lucky enough to be at home for the next four weeks, so I have time to grieve. Does it ever get easier? I feel like I've become a different person. I'm just trying to make sense of the situation. I have no anger, I do believe Mum was needed elsewhere. She knew how much I loved her and I'd like to think I made her life happy and made her proud. 
Would appreciate any advice on how to cope through these early days, or if someone else is experiencing a recent loss, 

Thank you in advance ️
Sarah x

Parents
  • A warm welcome to Cancer Chat, Sarah and I am so sorry for your loss. I just wanted to send you our sincere condolences on behalf of the Cancer Chat team. As you say, I am sure your mum knew how much you loved her and there is no doubt that you made her proud. 

    We have some useful information on our website which will hopefully help you understand the complex emotions involved in losing a loved one. You can read more about  coping with the grieving process on this page. 

    Sadly, countless members of our forum have also lost a parent or a loved one and I am sure they will be along shortly to give you some tips or coping strategies based on their own individual experiences following the loss of a loved one. 

    Our forum is always there for you anytime you need to talk. 
    Best wishes, 

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Hi Lucie, 

    Thank you so much for your reply and advice. I have started to look at the links you sent me and I have found them useful. 
    The last couple of days have been very tough. 
    I am going to take some time out to look after myself and try and make sense of everything. 
    Thank you for your kindness

    Sarsh x

  • Hi there Sarah...

    Oh my you touched my heart with your thread ... your mum was blessed to have her last journey with you all .. what a wonderful way to go ... and I've always said, it's those who cry the loudest that are o.k ... it's those who hold it inside that truely hurt ... 

    Please remember you are half of her, she will live safely in your heart now, and see through your eyes .. I bet shes one proud mummy .... and we do learn to live without them in time, but we never stop missing them ... but then that shows how amazing they were ..and how blessed we were to have had them in our lives ... 

    I've felt my wonderful mum close over the years .. like when I was diagnosed with breast cancer... from that day I found white feathers all around, even in my bra ... then the day I was told it was low risk of spread.... they just stopped ... so please if you feel anything or smell her perfume or see a white feather .. just look up and say hi ... though it only seems to happen when we don't look ...

    If this cancer takes me one day , I know those I love will miss me, but oh how I'll listen for their laughter .. that's the sound us mum's treasure ... and you carrying on those lessons in life your mum taught you, will make her smile up there ... and like her mum was waiting for her baby, so your mum will wait for you too ...

    Sending you a vertual hug.... be kind to yourself ... it's o.k to feel anything ... angry / sad / cuss / or laugh and be happy too .. there's no right  wrong way to grieve ... one day at a time ... Chrissie  

  • Hi Chrissie, 

    Thank you for your kindness and lovely words. I'm so sorry that you have also experienced loss and have also had to fight your own personal battle. 
    The strangest thing happened the morning after Mum passed away. I opened the back door and there sat a little white feather. I knew it was a sign. I put it in my desk. 
    last night, I sat in the garden with my children and husband and we celebrated their achievements at school/university, as they've both worked so hard, alongside helping to nurse Grandma at night. We wanted to do something nice for them both. My husband told me to look outside the gazebo and there was a lone, beautiful white feather on the lawn. I truly believe it was sent from Mum. 
    You are very right that our loved ones watch over us. I've asked for signs throughout Mum's illness and each time something has happened to convince me she was going to be safe with my Grandma. I know everyone has their own beliefs, but I'm quite a spiritual person and take great comfort that Mum has been restored in heaven. 
    I know it will take time. I may always long for the day when we are reunited again, but until we are I will focus on my two children and husband and hopefully each day will get a little bit easier. 
    I send my good wishes to you and thank you for taking the time to write such comforting words.

    Take care 

    Sarah x

Reply
  • Hi Chrissie, 

    Thank you for your kindness and lovely words. I'm so sorry that you have also experienced loss and have also had to fight your own personal battle. 
    The strangest thing happened the morning after Mum passed away. I opened the back door and there sat a little white feather. I knew it was a sign. I put it in my desk. 
    last night, I sat in the garden with my children and husband and we celebrated their achievements at school/university, as they've both worked so hard, alongside helping to nurse Grandma at night. We wanted to do something nice for them both. My husband told me to look outside the gazebo and there was a lone, beautiful white feather on the lawn. I truly believe it was sent from Mum. 
    You are very right that our loved ones watch over us. I've asked for signs throughout Mum's illness and each time something has happened to convince me she was going to be safe with my Grandma. I know everyone has their own beliefs, but I'm quite a spiritual person and take great comfort that Mum has been restored in heaven. 
    I know it will take time. I may always long for the day when we are reunited again, but until we are I will focus on my two children and husband and hopefully each day will get a little bit easier. 
    I send my good wishes to you and thank you for taking the time to write such comforting words.

    Take care 

    Sarah x

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