I am so sorry for your loss Penniecrayon. It must all be so vivid for you at the moment but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone, that we are all here for you during this difficult time. 

Sincere condolences on behalf of the Cancer Chat team. We are thinking of you and your family. 

Warmest wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi Penniecrayon,

I am so sorry to hear about your dad and offer my sincere condolences. Having lost a lot of my family and close friends to cancer, I know how difficult it is to cope when a loved one doesn't have a peaceful ending. To start with these will be your memories of your dad, but with the passage of time, you will gradually begin to recall happier times.

I know that when my own mum died of secondary breast cancer which was in her lungs, liver, bones and brain she had a very unsettled end, which upset us all, but we were still glad to have been there with her to the very last minute. We also felt glad to know that she was at peace at last and wasn't suffering any longer.

Thinking of you and your family.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Penniecrayon

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad in April. The decline at the end was very rapid and was sadly not peaceful. It is the hardest thing I've ever had to witness and it breaks my heart that we were absolutely powerless to help him. As devastating as it was to finally lose him, I was also relieved that he no longer had to suffer. 

I just wanted to reach out and let you know that you're not alone. I don't know why, but reading other's experiences is the only thing that has really helped me. 

Take care of yourself

S

Hello penniecrayon I'm so sorry to hear you have lost your dad no words are going to be a comfort to you at the moment as you have had the most horrible day and it's going to be raw dads at peace now with no pain. I lost my dad 'my hero' Dec 30th 2019  so I'm 7months down the line now so I know how you are feeling take time out and be kind to yourself this nasty cancer may take people we love from us but damn hell cant take your memories or love you shared your heart will mend but it will take time take each day as it comes take good care of yourself x

So sorry to hear this, we lost our mum yesterday morning to lung cancer that spread to her spine and paralysed her. She passed away 7 weeks after diagnosis so everything happened very quickly.  Are you sure your dad was gasping for breath and it wasn't the death rattle? This sounds horrendous but we were reasssured that it was all part of the process and mum wouldn't be aware. It is more distressing for their loved ones, sending warm thoughts x

Hi,

My dad died of lung cancer on 27th June so just over a month ago.

He had the same gasping and struggling for air in the lead up, at which time he was able to vocalise to us that initially it was frightening, but then he became accustomed to it. He was unable to cough up the mucous as it became too thick and this got caught and frightened him. It was more panick and agitation which scared him, and with morphine and patches to dry it up he became less frightened and was able to breathe more calmly. His breathing was very laboured and he had to really heave his chest, and his head had to spasm up in his sleep to catch a breath. I took his temp and checked on him for ages in his hospital bed at home ( Like Kazzan's mum, who posted earlier, my dad's spread to the spine and he was parylised so we cared for him at home). My mum was asleep on the floor on a mattress and I sat and watched him breathe cos I was worried.

The next day I asked if his breathing was better and if he realised it was hard overnight. He said he had no recollection of it. So that was a relief.

Then on the day he died the breathing was less frequent, but still difficult and now I realise it was the 'death rattle'. He will have had no concept of this happening as he was unconscious. I think most dying people get the strange breathing, but they are not aware of it,  but we as family see it and it distresses us because we care for them. 

So your dad will most likely not have been aware or had any pain with his breathing. The nurses give a syringe driver injection of strong morphine and anti-agitagion meds which calm the person down. My dad didn't need these strong ones, as he was already unconscious and wouldn't have been in any pain.

I hope my experience of my dad's death can help you understand your own dad's experience. I dont think they feel any pain as they lose consciousness and hopefully are given meds for pain/agitation if they are awake and need it.

My dad began to say there was no pain in the last few days when he was still awake. Whereas before when I would help turn and move him he would say be careful as his arm and back would hurt. So I think towards the end it's more distressing for family watching as we dont know or understand and cant ask them how they feel. 

I know what you mean though when people say it was peaceful, because the death rattle is upsetting. I hope that all helps somehow though. I kept thinking of it over and over, and after a month my traumatic thoughts have eased. Just know that these thoughts will ease, they did for me.

I hope you're okay.

My heart goes out to you. I've only recently lost my beautiful mammy to lung cancer. 3 weeks ago today, she fought so hard and even fought to see my son being born. He was only a week old when she passed. 

I completely understand where your coming from as I minded my mam everyday for 12 weeks. I still feel so scared thinking of her on her own without my help but then I remember she doesnt need my help anymore, she only needed that when she was sick and she's not sick anymore. 

Nobody's words will help ease the pain your feeling. Cancer is so cruel and unkind. It's just not fair. 

You're daddy is at peace now. 

Like the posters above, I think what you heard is the "death rattle" which is so scary to hear. My mam had it for 2 days before she passed. Her lovely nurses fitted her with 2 syringe drivers for pain and anti agitation meds which helped her alot but the stubborn woman she was, kept fighting it! 

I really wish you all the best and hope you find the strength you need to help you over the next while. 

X x x

Hi all,

I lost my dad yesterday to lung cancer. I'm. So so so sad, I'm heartbroken, I still can't believe it... I. I miss him so much already, he was my rock, the person who told you it would all be ok and can't believe he's not going to be in my life and my future. Cancer is so cruel. The only thing I hold on to is that he's not in pain anymore, but I'm angry he was in pain in the first place. How this is happening to so many people still in such a terrible way I don't understand.

sending all my love to you all, and support and hugs.