I normally dont ever comment on things like this, I lost my daddy in December last year. He had the all clear from cancer two weeks previous. We thought things were looking up. He we went to a+e with a sore back and they admitted him. The next day we went to visit him and he asked me for help and a few minutes later died in front of me. They weren't sure what caused his death but some had suggested that the cancer had returned.. it was completely devastating. My whole body was in shock and for weeks afterwards my entire body was in pain. I had no will to live.. my daddy was truly the light of my life. We were so close. I was the definition of a daddy's girls. I cry almost every day, sometimes more than once, Songs on the radio set me off, sometimes things on the tv set me, if anyone mentions him I just burst into tears. Sometimes I will just be sitting there and I burst into tears, then I ride the wave from grief to anger and then back to grief. What makes me sad the most is when people say, think of all the lovely memories you have.. yes that's great. But I was only 29 think of the memories we should be making. He was only 60. I get cross when people say, your father would love you to do this or that or he wouldn't want you to be sad .. no my father would want me to do what makes me happy only now my greatest support just isn't there to share and celebrate any success. Yes though it is true, my daddy wouldn't want me to be sad.  He always said, dont worry about me, look after yourself but the fact is I am sad. I'm going to be sad and I hope in the future I'm not, but for now I am. Thats ok. I just take each day as comes, I'm not looking ahead atm. I'm just looking for the peace, clam and the one half of identity I am  now missing. I dont really sleep very well. I often find night time the hardest. I miss hearing the tv that we argued about being too loud all the time or the same songs on repeat on YouTube especially at bed time. Everyone I suppose deals differently. The circle of life cant be stopped for any of us unfortunately. My personal belief is that we will meet again someday. But I have resigned to the fact that i intend to do as much as possible so that when we do meet we will continue all those wonderful stories of life, success and failure. Then once more we will laugh and we will cry together. For now tho, I havent got a plan. I dont know what I'm doing, not quite sure how I'm getting through each day. Im stuck on pause for now. Perhaps life has paused to let me be me for better or worse and to understand the prospects of life and that once I start that it's a solo mission.. but I know that for now I'm not ready, I dont know when I'll be ready. I hope if you've made it this far you know that your not on your own. I hope by sharing my story that you feel a bit better or not so alone.. when a bird isn't ready to fly it doesnt mean its wings are broke, it just need to believe in one self. Like a birds wings your instinct will get you through. I will always miss my daddy, some say grief is purest sign of love. But as much as I miss and love him more than ever, I have also never been as proud of him! Just because I cant see him doesnt mean hes not my daddy and I suppose in his death I have realised the true impact he had on my life and how lucky I was and am that hes my dad. He would say, arent we so lucky to have lost someone that made saying goodbye so hard. That I certainly was like many others grieving for loved ones.

I am glad to have discovered this post because I thought I was alone. My father and best friend died on 12 Jan this year of covid. He was a care worker, he followed all the rules and only visited in the garden. He wore the ppe, he had the first vaccine, he was fine, talking and supposed to come home.... But he did not. He developed a blood clot over night and went into cardiac arrest, we begged the docs to fight for his life, all 6 of us.. He was 62 .. The kindest, funniest, caring man you'd ever meet adored by anyone he ever met. I feel privelaged he was my dad... But sad he didn't know he was never coming home, never got to hold his hand.... He was my bested friend and biggest fan, loved me unconditionally and likewise.... I just want one more hug or dance... He never even got to wear what I bought him for Christmas.... And even though there was 6 of us, me and him had a special bond that everybody acknowledged, I don't know how I will ever get back to normal, I miss him so much and just want him back 

Like others here, I am glad to have found this message board as it has made me feel less alone in the grief I feel for my lovely Dad.

He died in March last year, one of the first people in the UK to pass with Covid. On the Monday I saw him running for a bus (he drove when he had to go any distance, but if he was only going a mile or so he caught the bus). On the Thursday, after he'd felt ill for a couple of days, we called the GP. Dad was advised to go to hospital so we went together. He was laughing and joking - I had no idea how ill he was. When we got there a nurse asked me to wait in a reception area and I told dad I'd see him shortly. I never saw him again. He was whisked away, rendered unconscious and put on a ventilator, and I was told he only had a 30% chance of survival. He died six days later. It was so sudden and on many levels I'm still in shock from it.

He was a wonderful, kind, strong and principled man and we had an incredibly close bond. He was my best friend and my support. Whenever I had a problem, he'd help me, and I was always there for him in return. He did so much for me and for other people and I feel lost, weak and empty without him. I know I'll never love anyone anywhere nearly as much as I loved him, or feel so close to, or safe with, anyone. Life feels so meaningless and my future just looks like more emptiness, more longing for my lovely Dad.

It's horrible when people say I should move on, or take the attitude that he was 'just' a parent so I shouldn't miss him as much as I would miss a spouse. I do feel as if I've been widowed. Looking on this thread showed me I'm not a complete freak and that these feelings are relatively common. 

My love and condolences to everyone else who's grieving in this way x

Like others here, I am glad to have found this message board as it has made me feel less alone in the grief I feel for my lovely Dad.

He died in March last year, one of the first people in the UK to pass with Covid. On the Monday I saw him running for a bus (he drove when he had to go any distance, but if he was only going a mile or so he caught the bus). On the Thursday, after he'd felt ill for a couple of days, we called the GP. Dad was advised to go to hospital so we went together. He was laughing and joking - I had no idea how ill he was. When we got there a nurse asked me to wait in a reception area and I told dad I'd see him shortly. I never saw him again. He was whisked away, rendered unconscious and put on a ventilator, and I was told he only had a 30% chance of survival. He died six days later. It was so sudden and on many levels I'm still in shock from it.

He was a wonderful, kind, strong and principled man and we had an incredibly close bond. He was my best friend and my support. Whenever I had a problem, he'd help me, and I was always there for him in return. He did so much for me and for other people and I feel lost, weak and empty without him. I know I'll never love anyone anywhere nearly as much as I loved him, or feel so close to, or safe with, anyone. Life feels so meaningless and my future just looks like more emptiness, more longing for my lovely Dad.

It's horrible when people say I should move on, or take the attitude that he was 'just' a parent so I shouldn't miss him as much as I would miss a spouse. I do feel as if I've been widowed. Looking on this thread showed me I'm not a complete freak and that these feelings are relatively common. 

My love and condolences to everyone else who's grieving in this way x

I lost my dad June 2020.  Married to mum for 61 years.  I miss him so much. Every day hurts. I had 53 years with him, he was my rock, my go to person to make everything better again. I will never forget the doctor asking him what else can she do for him today, he replied can you help me live.  He was dying and before sunrise 2 days later he went.   He told us family was the most important thing to him.   I cry every day.  I try to think what he would want for me now he's gone knowing I can't share any of my experiences with him.  He was the world, kind, generous, loving. My dad xx   
I can't reply with help for anyone I guess it's a process we go through and this is life - we are born and we die.  I'd hate to think of my children suffering like this when I'm gone 

Take care