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I can't live without my dad - anyone feel the same?

bras1548
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Hi everyone,

 

My father died almost 6 months ago. He was my best friend, my soulmate, my inspiration, my confidant, basically the love of my life. I will never love anyone that way again. He was my other half. We communicated almost every single day in some way (although I have regrets about how I handled this, which I may share another time). The point, though, is this:

 

I don't think I can live without him.

 

He meant more to me than life itself. He was my oxygen, my sunshine, my everything. He was the most remarkable and wonderful human being I have ever known (and will ever know). Every day now I have the pain of realising that he won't ever be with me again. I'm writing this post for one reason: to find other people who feel the same or at least similar.

 

Here are some things that I have NOT found helpful:

 

- People telling me to think about "what he would have wanted". Yes, of course he would have wanted me to go on and live my life. But I don't see how I can live a happy life without him.

 

- People telling me that things "get better in time." Maybe they do, maybe they don't. For some people they actually don't. Some people never recover from the loss of a loved one. He wasn't just a "loved one." He was EVERYTHING to me. And now I have the rest of my life to be WITHOUT him.

 

My love for my father was deeper and more intense than anything else I've ever known. Life feels completely meaningless without him. I have no interest in starting my own family; no interest in meeting somebody; no interest in connecting with others. Without my father in my life, those things don't mean anything to me.

 

The ONLY thing I want is to be with my father again - to wrap my arms around him and never let go. I've never felt love from anyone the way I did from him. He showered me with warmth and love.

 

Does anyone feel the same? 

 

Adam

 

 

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    I feel exactly the same way.

    He wasn't my father, but my grandfather who saved me when my mom got pregnant as a teen, and he took me under his wing. He always told me I saved him too - it brought my grandparents together. He was my go to man, the guy when I was in need, he was always there. I could rely on his no matter what. He always was on my side. I'm married now with children, and even though I love my husband dearly, my grandfather was more of my soulmate than my own husband. I feel lost without him after he has passed nearly 4 months ago. The love we shared was so easy, joyful and now I feel like I have no one that will save me in those tough times as he would. I am no longer anyone's child, which in my 30's, still feels relevant. I know it was his time to go, but not being there with him while he died (because of covid), I have deep regrets and no closure.
     

    I move forward everyday for my children, but the loss of love I've went through will haunt me forever, and I feel a bit lost. To make it worse, I lost my grandmother nearly 2 years ago.

    ive spoken to therapists who seem to only want to focus on the future, when I'd prefer to discuss the past. I feel like unless I can close the past I can't move forward. 

    In a way, it's nice to hear someone else consideres a parent their sole mate - it sounds strange, but it's true. 

    I hope we find peace. 

     

  • Offline in reply to muchinni

    I am sorry to hear about your grandfather. Clearly you have lost something enormous. Two things occurred to me as I read your post. First, when you wrote: "I am no longer anyone's child." Part of me feels like responding: "But you are, and always be. You will always be the child of your two parents. And you will always be the grandchild of your wonderful grandfather. Nothing can change that."

    On the other hand, I fully understand if that thought doesn't help one bit. I fully understand if nothing helps at all. Like you, I've found that therapists/counsellors just want to focus on the future and don't seem to understand (a) that what's happened is so catastrophic that the future feels meaningless, and (b) that I only want to go back to the past and be with my dad again. I imagine it might be similar for you.

    I wish you all the best

     

Reply
  • Offline in reply to muchinni

    I am sorry to hear about your grandfather. Clearly you have lost something enormous. Two things occurred to me as I read your post. First, when you wrote: "I am no longer anyone's child." Part of me feels like responding: "But you are, and always be. You will always be the child of your two parents. And you will always be the grandchild of your wonderful grandfather. Nothing can change that."

    On the other hand, I fully understand if that thought doesn't help one bit. I fully understand if nothing helps at all. Like you, I've found that therapists/counsellors just want to focus on the future and don't seem to understand (a) that what's happened is so catastrophic that the future feels meaningless, and (b) that I only want to go back to the past and be with my dad again. I imagine it might be similar for you.

    I wish you all the best

     

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