Hi there, this seems like a late post as you posted in 2020, but I know from experience and from your words that you are hurting. Let me explain my reasons. My mother was the almost epitome of a good person, if anyone deserved a long life it was her. While I grew up as a child my mum and dad worked two jobs my dad would run out the door in the morning as my mum came home from work to get to his job on time kissing her as he did. She would lock us in the bedroom with her pushing the bed over the plug sockets to keep us safe while we played with toys as toddlers then wake and take care of us. She suffered post natal depression sometimes sitting on the kitchen floor crying and banging her head against the fridge but never neglecting us. I could write so much but I'm sure you have the picture. Many years later she collapsed at work from Crones disease, it nearly killed her losing nearly 4 stone in weight but she was tough and it could be medicated so life went on. I moved away from my home town for work and I lost sight of life, I worked all hours sometimes 16 hours a day, lost all social contact, my health both physical and mental went downhill but my mum was always there for me.

in 2019 while in my own hole of depression my mum became ill, she had tests and blood tests saying it wasn't anything that bad. My dad was concerned but didn't give that feeling as he is a positive person and she had lost a lot of weight, the doctors put it down to her crone's disease which could be medicated. One week whilst working nights my dad said she is very ill and he was worried I traveled down optimistic and they told us something was wrong but couldn't say what. 4 days later they said it was cancer, 3 days later they said it was terminal, 12 hours later we held her hands and cuddled her whispering pure love to her ears as she passed away.

why do I say this? To let you know you're not alone.

I wish I could tell you it gets better, that time heals and with truth it does in some ways, it becomes bearable.

but no it never truly does, when you look into your heart it's razor, and it cuts.

so why do I say this? I wouldn't change it for the world. The razor cuts only as deep as the love was and the love was everything I'd ever want, so I'll reminisce, I'll cry, I'll appreciate it all because there's no good without bad, dark without light and I know the dark I'm in I could never have been without her light.

pain lessens but the memories remain it's up to you if you smile as you remember. I do

Hi there, this seems like a late post as you posted in 2020, but I know from experience and from your words that you are hurting. Let me explain my reasons. My mother was the almost epitome of a good person, if anyone deserved a long life it was her. While I grew up as a child my mum and dad worked two jobs my dad would run out the door in the morning as my mum came home from work to get to his job on time kissing her as he did. She would lock us in the bedroom with her pushing the bed over the plug sockets to keep us safe while we played with toys as toddlers then wake and take care of us. She suffered post natal depression sometimes sitting on the kitchen floor crying and banging her head against the fridge but never neglecting us. I could write so much but I'm sure you have the picture. Many years later she collapsed at work from Crones disease, it nearly killed her losing nearly 4 stone in weight but she was tough and it could be medicated so life went on. I moved away from my home town for work and I lost sight of life, I worked all hours sometimes 16 hours a day, lost all social contact, my health both physical and mental went downhill but my mum was always there for me.

in 2019 while in my own hole of depression my mum became ill, she had tests and blood tests saying it wasn't anything that bad. My dad was concerned but didn't give that feeling as he is a positive person and she had lost a lot of weight, the doctors put it down to her crone's disease which could be medicated. One week whilst working nights my dad said she is very ill and he was worried I traveled down optimistic and they told us something was wrong but couldn't say what. 4 days later they said it was cancer, 3 days later they said it was terminal, 12 hours later we held her hands and cuddled her whispering pure love to her ears as she passed away.

why do I say this? To let you know you're not alone.

I wish I could tell you it gets better, that time heals and with truth it does in some ways, it becomes bearable.

but no it never truly does, when you look into your heart it's razor, and it cuts.

so why do I say this? I wouldn't change it for the world. The razor cuts only as deep as the love was and the love was everything I'd ever want, so I'll reminisce, I'll cry, I'll appreciate it all because there's no good without bad, dark without light and I know the dark I'm in I could never have been without her light.

pain lessens but the memories remain it's up to you if you smile as you remember. I do