I am so sorry for your loss. I'm also just existing at the moment. My mum died of coronavirus 23rd April. Funeral last week. I wake up every day wondering how I'm going to get through it. I have a wonderful family amazing friends. But have been in my bed crying and on medication for a week. She was my everything my best friend my world. And guilt is all consuming as she was alone in hospital last 3 weeks of her life. No contact with any of her family. 50 yrs married. I cant say if it will get easier. But I pray every day it does. Tc it's got to get better. Xxx Dan.

I am so sorry for your loss. I'm also just existing at the moment. My mum died of coronavirus 23rd April. Funeral last week. I wake up every day wondering how I'm going to get through it. I have a wonderful family amazing friends. But have been in my bed crying and on medication for a week. She was my everything my best friend my world. And guilt is all consuming as she was alone in hospital last 3 weeks of her life. No contact with any of her family. 50 yrs married. I cant say if it will get easier. But I pray every day it does. Tc it's got to get better. Xxx Dan.

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine the pain of her going when you couldn't be with her. The coronovirus lockdown meant I lost five weeks with my mum where she lied to me and told me she was doing ok (we FaceTimed almost ever day and we're calling and texting near constantly). I'm 100% sure that it's why she went down so fast. I broke lockdown after that to see her and be her carer but it was too late, after a week of homecare she went into a hospice for respite and to build herself up before she came to my house. 
 

she never came out. 
 

I found that hard so I can't even imagine how you feel. You must feel so utterly robbed. I imagine there's a great deal of trauma there along with extreme grief. I am so sorry. Is there any sort of bereavement counselling you have access to? 

Effiee, I saw your post late last night. I've never posted on these forums but when I read your post I immediately wanted to. My mum died on April 27 - three weeks ago. She had endometrial sarcoma. First diagnosed in 2008 (surgery to remove uterus etc, no follow up treatments required, only regular scans) and was completely fine until May 2019 (11 years!!).

Last May, discovered her bowl was blocked and they did surgery to remove the tumors from her small bowl and she bounced back really well. Sadly, late last year the November CT showed it was already back. They gave her 12 - 18 months. We didn't really believe them as she was completely fine, no symptoms, very active. A month later her legs started to swell. That was really the only symptom until two weeks before she passed. She suddenly lost her appetite, got very weak and frail day by day. She was in hospital for 5 nights - walked herself in there thinking it was for an X-ray. She deteriorated so rapidly there, it's still so unbelievable and shocking to me. Whend the hospital discharged her,  the ambulance had to bring her home, she walked one day with the walker frame and then couldn't even do that. A day later she couldn't turn in bed. She died six days after she came back from hospital at home. It was so quick and unbelievably sad... I know you only found out 10 weeks before, I can't even believe it. Cancer is such a wicked disease. 

I'm 43, live in the USA these days, not married, no kids. I was very close to my Mum. This year my parents would have had their 50th wedding anniversary. The only thing I'm grateful for is that I have wonderful friends who check in regularly. I know you are feeling so so awful right now and I understand. However, I console myself that I wouldn't have wanted my Mum's suffering to continue given she wasn't going to get better. Being in bed for 6 days was hard for her (not even being able to even get up to use the bathroom) and she was so frustrated. I didn't want that to continue and the final day she was in so much pain. She's in peace now, but of course it's incredibly tough for those of us left behind. She was only 71. I know yours was only 59 which is just insane and terrible. I am so incredibly sorry and hurt for all of our losses. Mums are irreplaceable but we will carry them with us. I already feel like I hear her voice inside me. Love R xx

Iv not looked into counselling yet. But think I will have to eventually. I dont understand how everyone is getting through the day especially my dad. Only time I get peace from it is when I'm asleep and first 5 mins when I wake. Then it overwhelms me all over again. Feel it's just been one long day since her funeral. I honestly can say hand on heart I love nobody in the world as much as her. And most days I have to pretend shes still in hospital to get through the day. I'm so sorry for your lovely self. Helps knowing someone understands my pain as they're going through it too. Thanku for ur msg. Helps so much xxx

I know how you feel @danni1979. My mum was also alone in hospital for the last 8 days of her life, and the guilt I felt was terrible after she died.