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Lost my mum, feel so guilty about Dad being alone.

LS1989
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Hi, 

I've been reading these forums for a while now, thought I'd finally post. 
I lost my beautiful Mum two weeks ago after she bravely battled a 2 year fight with bowel cancer, secondaries in her liver. Going through that whole ordeal was torture. Seeing her struggling mentally throughout the two years and go from this strong, courageous woman to a quiet, reclusive, and really sad character in the end was horrible. It was almost like I started grieving for my mum before she'd even left us. 
 

I live away from home and would make it back as much as possible to see her and support her, and in the end moved back into my family home in December and spent my last 2 months with mum by her side full time. So glad I did. 
The day she died was obviously upsetting, but if anything I felt a little relief that she was no longer suffering and was now at peace and that we also could now maybe find some peace ourselves.
I've spent the last two weeks helping my Dad with all of the paper work and admin that comes after a death, he's useless with this kind of thing after mum doing it for him the whole time they've been married (40 years). Now I'm starting to prepare to move back out of my family home and back with my partner 2 hours away, and I can't help but feel so guilty for leaving Dad kicking about the house on his own. I'm 30 and obviously have my whole life ahead of me, and it seems crazy to even consider staying living with Dad and sacrificing my own needs however how do you ever get over this feeling? 
I'm scared that I'm going to spend every day worrying about Dad alone and eventually it's really going to have a negative impact on my mental health and stop me enjoying anything myself.  I know full well mum would never let me sacrifice my own life, job, lifestyle etc to "babysit" Dad...but it's so hard to leave home again with a smile on my face knowing that deep down his heart is probably breaking every day he's on his own. 

Apologies for the long post, but I just wondered if anyone else out there has felt this kind of responsibility for a parent, and if it ever gets easier? 

Lucy


(p.s, my Dad is a completely able man, he works, he drives etc etc. But in terms of the simple things like cooking, cleaning, paying utility bills etc - it's really going to be the steepest learning curve. Specially when faced with the loneliness on top of it all)

Parents
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    I was the same as you, I grieved a lot before my dad even passed away and on that last day I remember saying in my head 'dad go to sleep now'. Never in a million years did I think I would say that, selfishly at all costs I wanted him here, but the torture at the end is unbearable. 
     

    I have hands down found the hardest part of this worrying about my mum being alone. I don't even know what the answer is, but 11 months on I still worry and am constantly calling her to make sure she has plans. I think it's just natural to worry and of course mum keeps saying I still need to live my own life. Easier said than done! 
    Keep in contact, visit often, but ultimately and sadly I think it would do them more harm than good for us to live there and them become reliant on our company. 

    I didn't, but at 31 I wanted to move back home even though I had just had a baby and a husband. 

    So bloody hard and I'm so sorry you're having to go through this as well x 

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    I was the same as you, I grieved a lot before my dad even passed away and on that last day I remember saying in my head 'dad go to sleep now'. Never in a million years did I think I would say that, selfishly at all costs I wanted him here, but the torture at the end is unbearable. 
     

    I have hands down found the hardest part of this worrying about my mum being alone. I don't even know what the answer is, but 11 months on I still worry and am constantly calling her to make sure she has plans. I think it's just natural to worry and of course mum keeps saying I still need to live my own life. Easier said than done! 
    Keep in contact, visit often, but ultimately and sadly I think it would do them more harm than good for us to live there and them become reliant on our company. 

    I didn't, but at 31 I wanted to move back home even though I had just had a baby and a husband. 

    So bloody hard and I'm so sorry you're having to go through this as well x 

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