I’m struggling to cope after the loss of my husband

my husband died on the 24th October of lung and brain cancer.

we were together since I was 16 and he was 18,  33 years & 50 weeks and he was my soul mate truly. In August he kept complaining of a pain behind his shoulder blade, he never went to the doctors  but this time he did. They sent him for X-rays and 2 hours later they phoned back to say we had an appointment made to see a specialis the day after. This is where our world fell apart because they told us he had stage 4 cancer of the lung.  It got worse than that 10 days later he started to act strange, talking & acting out of character? I called our doctor who came to see him who agreed that his answers were not quite right. He was due at our local hospital the next day to have a biopsy to determine the type of cancer, while there they performed a brain scan. After 6 hours of waiting they pulled a curtain around his bed and told us that unfortunately the cancer had spread as he had frontal lobe leasions. I still replay that moment to myself and cannot believe it.

he underwent 3 lots of chemotherapy and immunotherapy but I lost my husband the day the cancer had spread. Two weeks after the brain scan my husband collapsed with sepsis, pneumonia and remained in hospital for 20 days under sedation and never regained consciousness. I slept at the side of his bed for those 20 days, I suctioned out his lungs constantly and kept a bedside vigil. It was til death do us part.

on the 7th November it was his funeral, on the 8th November it should have been our 35th anniversary of the day that we met. On the 24th November it should have been his 52nd birthday, then Christmas then New year where I will never have another year with him. Then 5th January was my 50th and our wedding anniversary.

I am so so lost with out him, he has been the only man for me since I was 16 years old and my life is just so hollow with out him

Parents
  • So sorry to hear of your loss I also lost my soul mate of 21 years on 22 Nov last year from lung cancer it sounds like you and your husband are near same ages  x my partner did not know he had this and passed away at home due to heavy vomiting of blood I was at work he had been to the go on the Tuesday with what we are aware of now are signs passed away on the Friday

    Like you my emotions are to raw to offer much advice just trying to take one day at a time  but  I'm struggling I'm am off work at min but will be looking for counseling 

    Like you I feel hollow and incomplete if you ever want to message me please do x

  • Hi Lisa

    Thank you for replying to my post.

    Our stories do sound very similar and I am so sorry for your loss.  I posted on here in the hope of speaking to someone who knows how it feels to go through what we had to go through and feel the loss that we sadly have to face.

    I have found that I can talk to people ( which does help) but they will not really know or begin to understand how cancer has taken our future.

    I have started counselling myself, my 2nd one is this evening.  I'm not sure if it will help me at all? The first 1 hour session goes very quickly and you spend it explaining what has happened. I'll see what tongihts will do but I hope it does help me.

    I have a 29 year old son who has his own home with his girlfriend so no longer lives with me.  I also have two dogs, which have made me get up and go out, without them there are deffinately days that I could keep my curtains closed and not be part of the world. So, for that Im grateful that I have them.

    I also run my own company, so I have also had to deal with the day to day running of that and staff. So, again its putting a brave face on things when really I'm so so lossed.  

    Mostly, I'm finding the time on my own is my own worst enemy.  I feel so sad, lonely and feel that I have no life.  My future life was supposed to be me and my husband and taking walks on the beach together.  We were both still quite young and should have had another 25 years together but that has all gone now.

    I don't know if what I am saying is the same as you feel but if you just need to chat to someone who truly understand what this is we are going through then please dont hesitate to message me.

    I hope your counselling session helps xx

     

  • Hi

    I come on here looking for advice also and after looking for pointers in emails the reason it’s heart breaking is you loved each other so much and your other half has been recalled to help upstairs and it will leave a big space beside you feeling empty / lost as you were a team and it hurts cos you cared and definitely go to counseling to talk , and it’s only my opinion and I certainly don’t want to hurt or offend anyone .

    My problem as going to the Doctors tomorrow with my Uncle who already has Parkinson’s and since Nov till Jan he has deteriorated quite a bit and after visits to the hospital he has discovered Metastic cancer and he has lost his speech not completely but very faint have to be standing very close next to him to hear and I’m dreading the Doctors tomorrow.

    Any thing I should be asking or wanting to know 

    Thank you 

    And good luck to everyone 

Reply
  • Hi

    I come on here looking for advice also and after looking for pointers in emails the reason it’s heart breaking is you loved each other so much and your other half has been recalled to help upstairs and it will leave a big space beside you feeling empty / lost as you were a team and it hurts cos you cared and definitely go to counseling to talk , and it’s only my opinion and I certainly don’t want to hurt or offend anyone .

    My problem as going to the Doctors tomorrow with my Uncle who already has Parkinson’s and since Nov till Jan he has deteriorated quite a bit and after visits to the hospital he has discovered Metastic cancer and he has lost his speech not completely but very faint have to be standing very close next to him to hear and I’m dreading the Doctors tomorrow.

    Any thing I should be asking or wanting to know 

    Thank you 

    And good luck to everyone 

Children
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