I’m struggling to cope after the loss of my husband

my husband died on the 24th October of lung and brain cancer.

we were together since I was 16 and he was 18,  33 years & 50 weeks and he was my soul mate truly. In August he kept complaining of a pain behind his shoulder blade, he never went to the doctors  but this time he did. They sent him for X-rays and 2 hours later they phoned back to say we had an appointment made to see a specialis the day after. This is where our world fell apart because they told us he had stage 4 cancer of the lung.  It got worse than that 10 days later he started to act strange, talking & acting out of character? I called our doctor who came to see him who agreed that his answers were not quite right. He was due at our local hospital the next day to have a biopsy to determine the type of cancer, while there they performed a brain scan. After 6 hours of waiting they pulled a curtain around his bed and told us that unfortunately the cancer had spread as he had frontal lobe leasions. I still replay that moment to myself and cannot believe it.

he underwent 3 lots of chemotherapy and immunotherapy but I lost my husband the day the cancer had spread. Two weeks after the brain scan my husband collapsed with sepsis, pneumonia and remained in hospital for 20 days under sedation and never regained consciousness. I slept at the side of his bed for those 20 days, I suctioned out his lungs constantly and kept a bedside vigil. It was til death do us part.

on the 7th November it was his funeral, on the 8th November it should have been our 35th anniversary of the day that we met. On the 24th November it should have been his 52nd birthday, then Christmas then New year where I will never have another year with him. Then 5th January was my 50th and our wedding anniversary.

I am so so lost with out him, he has been the only man for me since I was 16 years old and my life is just so hollow with out him

Parents
  • Dear Jacqueline,

    I have just read your post and it made me feel very sad as you have had a lot to deal with over these past months, you and your husband sounded like a dream team and l can tell you love him dearly and always will, time is a great healer but for now it is still very raw, no one can take your memories away think of your happy times and not the very sad end, there will be a light xxx

  • Hi Khanna

    thank you for taking the time to reply to my post. Some days I can cope with the loss and other days i can not.

    your words are very kind and I shall try to not focus on the end so much.

    x

  • Hi Jacqueline,

    It was a pleasure to reply to your post we all need someone to vent too.

    Sadly my partner was diagnosed with lung cancer and chronic lymphocytic leukemia in October and just started radiotherapy mid December but had to stop as it caused his heart to beat too fast and ended up with a pacemaker and came home Xmas day, we are hoping to restart radiotherapy soon, the whole situation is terrifying and find ourselves living in a bubble of hospitals and doctors.

    If you ever want a chat just message me xx

Reply
  • Hi Jacqueline,

    It was a pleasure to reply to your post we all need someone to vent too.

    Sadly my partner was diagnosed with lung cancer and chronic lymphocytic leukemia in October and just started radiotherapy mid December but had to stop as it caused his heart to beat too fast and ended up with a pacemaker and came home Xmas day, we are hoping to restart radiotherapy soon, the whole situation is terrifying and find ourselves living in a bubble of hospitals and doctors.

    If you ever want a chat just message me xx

Children
  • Hi Khana,

    Im pleased that you have your husband at home with you and that he came home on christmas day. I understand the fear that you must have and living by hospital to hospital appointment is draining and sad that you have to.

    There is hope though for you both and my fingers are crossed for a possability that he can re start his treatment soon and that there will be a posative out come.