Hi,

I'm so sorry to see that you have just lost your mum. You will be in shock at the moment and this shock helps your body to get through your loss in the early days.

I lost my beloved mum 5 months ago from a brain hemorrhage just 11 days after she had a mini stroke which she was expected to fully recover from. Prior to that she was enjoying life and looking after my 12 year old daughter with me.

The shock of her dying has been immense but like others I took things hour by hour then day by day. I also got help from my GP. I took sleeping tablets for a week until I was able to sleep a bit better on my own. I was also signed off work for 3 months. Ive been back at work 2 months and am now functioning quite well there.

I'm still very down and living without my mum is so hard. They don't tell you how to live without them and I'm just finding my way and tackling things as they arise.

Seek support as much as you can, accept that it's ok to not be ok, cry whenever you need to and accept that you will be different to the person you once were.

Cheryl x

Hi 

thank you for your response, I am so sorry about the loss of your mam! It’s awful. It’s the shock of it happening so quickly, last time when my mam has cancer of the throat, I still worked and went to look after my mam after work, as they had said they think they could cure it, I remember crying and having the fear of what if I lose my mam, then when she had beaten it I thought finally we can start looking forward to the future and try not to fear so much about it returning. I just feel so guilty as I thought my mam was losing weight through the stress of looking after my grandad, and when he died in may she then began to really lose weight but we thought it was through the loss, then I realised too late and I then knew it’s not right and something is wrong, I keep thinking I should of thought earlier if I had she might still be here. Last time I was living with her so I knew straight away and got her to the doctors in time but this time I lived with my partner and little boy and work full time and feel I didn’t realise earlier and I have a lot of guilt. 

Mom going to take time off over Xmas as I work in retail and I just can’t bare the thought of serving people who will be buying presents for there Mam etc. 

I will never be the person I was few months ago. 

Thank you you so much for replying 

Sam xxxx

Hi sam,

I've learnt that grief is such a huge part of grief and we will feel it even if we did everything for our mums.

I feel permanently guilty. Guilty I didnt make her see a doctor more, guilty I didnt make her go to hospital earlier when she had her mini stroke. Would she still be alive if i had got her to hospital? Would she still be here if i was more intrusive and didn't just take her usual answer of it's my arthritis, every time I asked her what was wrong.

The fact is that we cant turn the clocks back and we will never know if we could have made a difference. Our mums knew they were very loved by us and that we did so much for them and I think that's all we can console ourselves with.

Cheryl x

Hi sam,

I've learnt that grief is such a huge part of grief and we will feel it even if we did everything for our mums.

I feel permanently guilty. Guilty I didnt make her see a doctor more, guilty I didnt make her go to hospital earlier when she had her mini stroke. Would she still be alive if i had got her to hospital? Would she still be here if i was more intrusive and didn't just take her usual answer of it's my arthritis, every time I asked her what was wrong.

The fact is that we cant turn the clocks back and we will never know if we could have made a difference. Our mums knew they were very loved by us and that we did so much for them and I think that's all we can console ourselves with.

Cheryl x

Hi Cheryl 

I know what you mean, it’s just so hard to think nothing can be done about it all. 

My mam had pains and niggles for quite a few weeks, but she had fallen over so we thought it was off her falling and we said doctors can’t do anything for cracked ribs. Now I just keep thinking if I just took a step back and really thought would I have seen that she wasn’t well instead of thinking it was off falling over, the doctors said my mams cancer had been there for long time,it was a sarcoma in the womb which then when it had spread to the lungs why she was getting pain, I did say sorry to her in hospital for not realising earlier. 

 I hope that our mams are looking down on us and are at peace. 

Sam x