Hi Rhtsparkes48, 

I am so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine some of what you're going through, to all happen in such a short space of time must be a great shock, especially as you say, your mum had beaten the throat cancer; my heart goes out to you.

My mum passed away from blood cancer, 26 September 2018; I like you struggled with sleeping, its strange because you actually want to sleep but you just can't and then its just exhausting. Understand about being scared, somebody said to me, it will feel like your world has ended. Facing life without our mum's, how can that be possible, nobody can prepare you for it.

How do you cope, I can only tell you from experience and I am much further in my journey. I won't lie, it's hard, so very hard and the sadness can be difficult to bear.

It may help to see your GP, mine was very good and some people on this forum say that tablets from the GP to help with sleeping may help in these very early days? Sounds silly but I found walking helped, I just found it easier being outside and although you may not feel like eating, it will help to look after yourself. For me, it was just a day at a time, sometimes an hour at a time, whatever you feel though is normal and there are no timeframes with grief. Some find counselling helps, maybe a little further down the line; I hope you can find some comfort with family and close friends.

You won't feel it now and at this time, probably nothing anybody says will make a difference, all I can say is I was in a very dark place when my mum died but I am slowly coming to terms with a 'new normal' ; trying to remember happier memories....I always remember these words- 

The river of grief is deep and wide but happiness awaits you on the other side and the love of those around you, will take you there.

Our mum's are still with us, in spirit, always looking over us, that's what I believe.

This forum has helped me, especially when you know , others here will truly understand.

Thinking of you.

Linda

Hi Linda

Thank you for your reply, I know it’s only been 3 weeks so it’s early, I’m just so scared of my future without her, we were so close, I’m only 33 and feel I have been robbed and won’t be able to enjoy my life with my mam in it, i just wish I could have her back with me. I think I’m in more shock and at times it doesn’t feel real because it all happened so fast, in one way I’m glad it did she she didn’t have to suffer too long, but in another I wanted her to be here as long as possible. 

 We spoke on the phone so much everyday, she is my best friend and your right I feel like my world has ended, I just feel like how do I live my daily life, even doing general housework I feel how can I do this, but I try and keep myself occupied, your right I think walking will help me, I normally go walking and I love being outdoors. 

Im so sorry for the loss of your mam, it’s heartbreaking, not sure if you felt same but I’m feeling like why my mam, she did nothing wrong in her life to deserve this, she was a carer for my grandad for quite few years, and a carer for my sister who has Down syndrome, all her life she has helped people and never put herself first. I know that everyone has someone who been effected by cancer but when it happens to you , you think it’s just you who feels this way, I didn’t know wheather to post on here at first but I’m glad I did. 

Thank you so much for your reply it means a lot. 

Sam x

Hi Linda

Thank you for your reply, I know it’s only been 3 weeks so it’s early, I’m just so scared of my future without her, we were so close, I’m only 33 and feel I have been robbed and won’t be able to enjoy my life with my mam in it, i just wish I could have her back with me. I think I’m in more shock and at times it doesn’t feel real because it all happened so fast, in one way I’m glad it did she she didn’t have to suffer too long, but in another I wanted her to be here as long as possible. 

 We spoke on the phone so much everyday, she is my best friend and your right I feel like my world has ended, I just feel like how do I live my daily life, even doing general housework I feel how can I do this, but I try and keep myself occupied, your right I think walking will help me, I normally go walking and I love being outdoors. 

Im so sorry for the loss of your mam, it’s heartbreaking, not sure if you felt same but I’m feeling like why my mam, she did nothing wrong in her life to deserve this, she was a carer for my grandad for quite few years, and a carer for my sister who has Down syndrome, all her life she has helped people and never put herself first. I know that everyone has someone who been effected by cancer but when it happens to you , you think it’s just you who feels this way, I didn’t know wheather to post on here at first but I’m glad I did. 

Thank you so much for your reply it means a lot. 

Sam x