Hi Rhtsparkes48, 

I am so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine some of what you're going through, to all happen in such a short space of time must be a great shock, especially as you say, your mum had beaten the throat cancer; my heart goes out to you.

My mum passed away from blood cancer, 26 September 2018; I like you struggled with sleeping, its strange because you actually want to sleep but you just can't and then its just exhausting. Understand about being scared, somebody said to me, it will feel like your world has ended. Facing life without our mum's, how can that be possible, nobody can prepare you for it.

How do you cope, I can only tell you from experience and I am much further in my journey. I won't lie, it's hard, so very hard and the sadness can be difficult to bear.

It may help to see your GP, mine was very good and some people on this forum say that tablets from the GP to help with sleeping may help in these very early days? Sounds silly but I found walking helped, I just found it easier being outside and although you may not feel like eating, it will help to look after yourself. For me, it was just a day at a time, sometimes an hour at a time, whatever you feel though is normal and there are no timeframes with grief. Some find counselling helps, maybe a little further down the line; I hope you can find some comfort with family and close friends.

You won't feel it now and at this time, probably nothing anybody says will make a difference, all I can say is I was in a very dark place when my mum died but I am slowly coming to terms with a 'new normal' ; trying to remember happier memories....I always remember these words- 

The river of grief is deep and wide but happiness awaits you on the other side and the love of those around you, will take you there.

Our mum's are still with us, in spirit, always looking over us, that's what I believe.

This forum has helped me, especially when you know , others here will truly understand.

Thinking of you.

Linda

I just saw your post. Unfortunately I can't advise specifically, but lost my dad so understand the impact of losing a parent. I'm so sorry too hear about your mam and home time heals and you have plenty of support. Warm wishes and prayer to you. 

Hi lovely, I can't offer you much but just know you aren't alone. I lost my dad 3 years ago next month, and lost my mam on Sunday just gone, both to cancer. The grief is absolutely awful, and for me is actually physical. I agree with the advice given, take it one hour, one day at a time. Too far into the future is too scary and I can't bare it. Sending you lots of love xxx

Thank you for your reply, I don't know what to say, just so very sorry and saddened to read your post. You're right about the grief feeling physical. My husband has lost both his parents and I think unless you have been through it or going through it, people don't fully understand.

You're a very kind person to think of others when your grief is so raw, thank you.

Faith is personal and I guess people don't mention it but you're in my thoughts and prayers.

So sorry for your loss.

Linda

x

Hi,

I'm so sorry to see that you have just lost your mum. You will be in shock at the moment and this shock helps your body to get through your loss in the early days.

I lost my beloved mum 5 months ago from a brain hemorrhage just 11 days after she had a mini stroke which she was expected to fully recover from. Prior to that she was enjoying life and looking after my 12 year old daughter with me.

The shock of her dying has been immense but like others I took things hour by hour then day by day. I also got help from my GP. I took sleeping tablets for a week until I was able to sleep a bit better on my own. I was also signed off work for 3 months. Ive been back at work 2 months and am now functioning quite well there.

I'm still very down and living without my mum is so hard. They don't tell you how to live without them and I'm just finding my way and tackling things as they arise.

Seek support as much as you can, accept that it's ok to not be ok, cry whenever you need to and accept that you will be different to the person you once were.

Cheryl x

Hi Linda

Thank you for your reply, I know it’s only been 3 weeks so it’s early, I’m just so scared of my future without her, we were so close, I’m only 33 and feel I have been robbed and won’t be able to enjoy my life with my mam in it, i just wish I could have her back with me. I think I’m in more shock and at times it doesn’t feel real because it all happened so fast, in one way I’m glad it did she she didn’t have to suffer too long, but in another I wanted her to be here as long as possible. 

 We spoke on the phone so much everyday, she is my best friend and your right I feel like my world has ended, I just feel like how do I live my daily life, even doing general housework I feel how can I do this, but I try and keep myself occupied, your right I think walking will help me, I normally go walking and I love being outdoors. 

Im so sorry for the loss of your mam, it’s heartbreaking, not sure if you felt same but I’m feeling like why my mam, she did nothing wrong in her life to deserve this, she was a carer for my grandad for quite few years, and a carer for my sister who has Down syndrome, all her life she has helped people and never put herself first. I know that everyone has someone who been effected by cancer but when it happens to you , you think it’s just you who feels this way, I didn’t know wheather to post on here at first but I’m glad I did. 

Thank you so much for your reply it means a lot. 

Sam x

Hi 

thank you you for your reply, I’m sorry for your loss, it’s the worst feeling Iv ever had, it’s lovely to have a response as i feel like I’m not alone. 

Warm wishes and prayer to yourself 

Sam x 

Hi 

thank you for your response, I am so sorry about the loss of your mam! It’s awful. It’s the shock of it happening so quickly, last time when my mam has cancer of the throat, I still worked and went to look after my mam after work, as they had said they think they could cure it, I remember crying and having the fear of what if I lose my mam, then when she had beaten it I thought finally we can start looking forward to the future and try not to fear so much about it returning. I just feel so guilty as I thought my mam was losing weight through the stress of looking after my grandad, and when he died in may she then began to really lose weight but we thought it was through the loss, then I realised too late and I then knew it’s not right and something is wrong, I keep thinking I should of thought earlier if I had she might still be here. Last time I was living with her so I knew straight away and got her to the doctors in time but this time I lived with my partner and little boy and work full time and feel I didn’t realise earlier and I have a lot of guilt. 

Mom going to take time off over Xmas as I work in retail and I just can’t bare the thought of serving people who will be buying presents for there Mam etc. 

I will never be the person I was few months ago. 

Thank you you so much for replying 

Sam xxxx

Hi sam,

I've learnt that grief is such a huge part of grief and we will feel it even if we did everything for our mums.

I feel permanently guilty. Guilty I didnt make her see a doctor more, guilty I didnt make her go to hospital earlier when she had her mini stroke. Would she still be alive if i had got her to hospital? Would she still be here if i was more intrusive and didn't just take her usual answer of it's my arthritis, every time I asked her what was wrong.

The fact is that we cant turn the clocks back and we will never know if we could have made a difference. Our mums knew they were very loved by us and that we did so much for them and I think that's all we can console ourselves with.

Cheryl x